I'm just a caveman, your world confuses and frightens me...

I’m stuck at work for another hour or so this evening so I figured I’d use the time to get up my thoughts on the weekend that was. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m a little worn down from the weekend, as it saw me do an awful lot of late night reveling on both Friday and Saturday evenings. As if the copious amounts of alcohol that I ingested weren’t enough , I even went so far as to donate a portion of my paycheck to the good people of Columbia courtesy of their most prized national export. I’m not talking about Carlos Valderamma either.

So there you have it, my preemptive apology for the following post, as it is more than likely going to be a subpar effort. It’s 6:15 on Monday night and I’m still at work, deal with it. Furthermore, as a result of being at about 45% of my normal brain capacity, I’m going to try a new format for the weekend wrap up. I will fit all my proceeding thoughts and/or analysis under one of two categories: Things I enjoyed about the weekend and things that I did not enjoy. I know it’s a very complicated system, so just try and keep up.

Things I didn’t enjoy:

-Florida losing to South Carolina. I had a feeling that this game could end up in a loss so it’s not like I was shocked by the outcome. What I found especially vexing was how winnable this game turned out to be. Even more so than the LSU game that saw the Tigers turn the ball over 5 times while amassing 13 penalties. In my opinion, this game came down to four key moments. If the Gators had managed to prevent just one of these four from happening then Florida's got a real shot of winning. If somehow they could have stopped two of these from happening then I'm talking about a rematch with LSU in Atlanta right now instead of a third Outback Bowl appearance in the last 4 years.

(1) The first quarter interception and subsequent 50 yard return by D-Lineman Chris Tucker on South Carolina. He should see him now, he's really let himself go since Friday. After Tucker pulled a joint out of his sock, lit it up a joint and passed it to Spurrier, South Carolina's offense stepped on the field at the Florida five yard line, quickly converting the field position into a touchdown. The crowd went crazy, the offense got a confidence boost and Florida had to play from behind on the road once again.
(2) The long catch and run by WR Sidney Rice. After closing the gap to 20-19, Florida surrendered a 60 yard pass play that got USC down to the 1 and eventually resulted in a TD. USC's defense had been dominated by the UF offense on it's last drive and the folks in black and maroon were getting awfully quiet. This play re-energized the crowd and got the Gamecocks back to believing that they could pull of this upset. HUGE momentum swing.
(3) Florida’s next offensive possession. Even after going down 27-19, the Gators were not ready to fold. After physically dominating the Carolina defense on it’s prior drive, the Florida offense was back on the field and running the ball down the Gamecocks’ throats. That is until the offensive line reverted to their early season struggles. Florida had a 2nd and 1 at the Carolina 49. False Start, 2nd and 6. Holding, 2nd and 16. One yard run, 3rd and 15. Florida ended up punting one play later and they would never look competent on offense again. There were a lot of costly penalties in this game but none larger than those two. Instead of responding with a long TD drive of their own and sucking the life out of the stadium, the Gators punted and further fueled the emotional Carolina crowd.
(4) Illegal participation penalty with 1 minute left in the 4th quarter. While it’s unlikely that the offense would have driven 70+ yards in a minute, it would have been nice to give Chris Leak and Co. a shot at saving the season. Of course, they never got that chance. The eleventh penalty of the day for Florida. South Carolina wins. I have nothing more to say. Well, actually...

- Dee Webb’s play at corner: I’d like to take the time to personally call out Dee Webb. You’ve been labeled a “shut down corner” by many pundits and that’s a flat-out lie. You are a decent cover corner who struggles mightily against top-flight SEC receivers (see: Bowe, Dwayne and Rice, Sidney among others). You were torched by the freshman Rice on Saturday and it’s time for people to start calling you what you are, overrated. You’re a junior now, the learning process is over and there are no more excuses. Right now you’re a whole lot closer to Bennie Alexander than you are to Lito Shepard. Step your game up.

- The Magic’s OT collapse yesterday. After trailing by as many as 20 early in the second half to Cleveland, the Magic clawed their way back into the game, finally taking the lead at 96-94 (their first lead since 4-2). Shortly afterthat , Orlando found themselves up by 3 with 16 seconds left. Cleveland called timeout and designed a play for Donyell Marshall to get a look at a three on the right wing. The play worked perfectly and Marshall nailed a very tough shot. I know that a play like that has got to take the wind out of your sails, but you are professional athletes and you've got to be able to get past a play like that. Especially when you still have ample opportunity to win. The Magic couldn’t/didn’t and the next thing you know they were down ten with just two minutes gone in OT. They totally folded when it got tough and ended up losing by 9. Pulling out a win after something like Marshall’s shot could have been a huge boost to the overall confidence of the team, instead it is just another example of so many of the things wrong with this Orlando team. On the bright side, Dwight Howard recorded his 4th straight double-double last night. That’s life as a Magic fan, silver linings.


- White people who have replaced the “n” word with thug. I have noticed quite a bit of this lately. A football fan will say something like, “Santana Moss is such a thug.” Really? How many times has he been arrested? What exactly has he done to merit being labeled a “thug”? It seems to me that many people judge somebody as a thug based on things like skin color, hair style and number of tattoos. That’s not a thug folks. A thug is someone who will pistol whip you for the last pork chop, not someone from an underprivileged background with a questionable fashion sense. Additionally, as for Moss, he originally went to Miami on a track scholarship and I have a real hard time calling anybody a thug that’s ever worn tights at a major public event. I’m just saying.

Things I liked:

-The Geico commercial with the Cavemen. I pretty much like anything that involves Cavemen. Captain Caveman, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, you name it. In my mind you can’t really go wrong with a joke that involves a Caveman or men. Speaking of Cavemen, my friend Greg’s dad looks just like a Caveman. He’s used to look like the lead singer from the Spin Doctors but he’s lost all his hair and I’m pretty sure that his head has grown a bit since his younger days. My point? Go Cavemen!!

- The Buccaneers’ unbelievably exciting win. Easily the most entertaining Bucs game in 3-4 years. That’s not saying as much as most might think, since the Bucs specialize in games where one of the participants puts up single digit points. This game was far different though. It had everything. Great plays in every phase of the game. Two teams trading huge plays as momentum swung on what seemed like a minute to minute basis. A (hopefully) breakout performance by a young QB with plenty of doubters (this guy right here chief among them). Even some controversy late. For the record, I don’t think that Alstott crossed the plain of the goal line. However, I also believe that the replay was far too inconclusive to merit an overturn of the call on the field. Either way, I was ecstatic that it stood and that the Bucs defense stepped up and finished the game against a Skins offense that had given them fits all day long. This was the biggest game (in terms of playoff implications) the Bucs have played in about two years and, as a team, they responded with a fantastic effort. If they had lost yesterday, the playoffs would be little more than a pipe dream today. As it stands now, they are in the driver’s seat for a wild card berth. They have a couple more very tough games and Chris Simms is going to have to continue to progress against some very tough defenses but, for now, all is good at One Buc Place. Fantastic effort and a fantastic win.


- Hanging out at my friend Kurt’s house yesterday afternoon. I watched the end of the early games as well as the first half of the Bucs game at Kurt’s. Kurt has NFL Ticket so it’s a gathering place of sorts on Sundays. I managed to catch the end of the Giants game, which was a good finish and especially satisfying due to Kurt and his brother Matt (they’re from Long Island) being nearly suicidal after the Giants gave up a game winning FG drive. Watching those two suffer through losses never really gets old for me. That alone wasn’t what made my time there so enjoyable. Rather, it was the conversations that took place during the two to three hours that I was there. The topic of conversation was pretty much relegated to the people in attendance (6 of us) and the actual topics included such subjects as vaginal narcolepsy, sexual assault, drug trafficking, herpes, slapping girls with dick, and men who kiss each other on the mouth. At one point (just in between vaginal narcolepsy and dick slapping) I was giggling like a little girl while I writhed on the couch uncontrollably. I haven’t laughed this hard since we met the waitress who Mark McCracken licked his own spunk off of. Fear of prosecution keeps me from divulging anything further but trust me when I say a good time was had by all. Well, I can’t speak for the girl with the mushroom shaped bruises, but I certainly enjoyed the hell out of myself.

- Finally, I haven’t watched a ton of HBO's Rome, more along the lines of watch one episode, then miss the next episode. However, if you have a chance to tune in to a rerun of this week’s episode I strongly suggest you do so. You don’t even have to watch the whole thing, just make sure you turn it on at about the 40 minute mark. What you will see is one of the more fantastic, and gruesome, fights scenes to ever grace your TV. The special effects left a little to be desired, but as far as blood and guts go you won’t watch a better ten minutes of TV all year. You can thank me later.