Thursday, August 25, 2005 9...on a Thursday...

Thoughts while wondering who in the hell works out at 9 PM on a Thursday night.

- How in the hell is Will & Grace still on the air? What's it been, like a decade or so now. I feel like this show came on right around the time that Family Ties went off the air. Are gay people that desperate to watch caricatures of themselves that they are still keeping this pile of poo alive? Furthermore, if you were one of the actors on this show wouldn't you be mailing it in ala Dominique on the Clippers in the last half of the '92 season. It's not like NBC is going to fire you. I mean, have you seen a homosexual when they're pissed off...not good times.

- Matt Jones sure looks like he's picking up the wide receiver position rather quickly. Which is good since he was never able to truly grasp the ideas and principles being being a quarterback for say, oh I don't know, the last 10-15 years.

I may be going out on a limb here but I think that he could dust Byron Leftwich in a 40 yard dash if he were running backwards.

- If the people running St. John's Athletic Dept. had any kind of clue they would be flying out to meet with Bob Huggins as we speak. I know the guy doesn't exaclty run a tight ship but what else do you have to lose if you're the Johnnies these days? Your nickname sucks, you haven't been relevant since the Artest-Barkley era and a couple of your players got brought up on rape charges by a stripper a couple of years back. At least Huggins will make you winners again in a conference that has gone from tough to brutal in the last year.

Personally, I would just enjoy the interactions between Huggins and the New York media. What would be the over/under on him keeling over with another heart attack? Two, three months tops?

-It's safe to say that Michael Vick is the only player, regardless of sport, who I'd actually make a point to watch in an exhibition game. Unless of course, you count my illegitimate son.

- Has a team ever reached for two consecutive skill position players in back-toback years like the Jaguars did with Reggie " I made my name in my first collegiate game" Williams and Matt Jones? The closest thing I can think of (regardless of sport) was when the Grizzlies drafted Antonio Daniels with the fourth pick in the draft one year only to turn around and select Mike Bibby the very next year, although Bibby was nearly as much of a stretch as Jones was this year.

-Alright...I'll say it. I never trusted Lance Armstrong. It's like nobody remembers how quickly he dropped his wife after becoming an international star. If anybody else did that, he would've been absolutley skewered in the press, but Armstrong cavorts around the globe with Sheryl Crow while his ex-wife takes care of the kids and the media practically gives him a medal for it.

- It sure is nice of Michael Jenkins to show up for the NFL this year. Maybe he got confused and thought he had to sit out a year like Maurice Clarett too. You know they don't exactly learn 'em up real good at The Ohio State University.

- The University of Florida has a committment from an All-American QB with great run/pass ability who goes by the name of Jevan Snead. Oh yeah, Jevan is white. Maybe it's just me, but the name that doesn't fit the race on an athlete just never gets old.

- For a Hurricane that looked like the weather equivalent of Eric Chenowith, this Hurricane Katrina is really turning into a real bear. I talked ot one of my friends in Ft. Lauderdale this afternoon and she was already out of power. For any of you not familiar with Hurricanes, it's a very underrated experience. Basically, you get free vacation time off of work to either (a) go on vacation or (b) sit around somebody's house while drinking, playing cards and eating bologna sandwiches for the better part of two to three days. It's pretty damn fantastic if you ask me. Then again, I always choose option be when faced with this situation. That should give youa pretty good idea where I'm coming from.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Stop it...seriously, just leave me alone. It's never gonna happen.

Here's a great article about this season's best new WNBA rookie. Let's just say this comes as no surprise to me...Temeka is absolutely the reason my WNBA Fantasy team in is first.

Give us a fucking break already with this. The WNBA has their own website (I checked). If any young girls or lesbians want to hear about the oh-so athletic action of the WNBA (do they still have next?), then let them go to the damn website and revel in all it's glory. Just keep this away from me...please?

Monday, August 15, 2005

No seriously...don't lean on me.

I'm not posting much tonight. Incredibly, I'm still not anywhere near settled into my new job. I have to go to Orlando again this week for some more administrative bullshit. Which, of course, means that I have to get up early tommorrow in order to be in Orlando by 9 AM. My best guess is that I will be completely into my new role within around two weeks. That's around the same time that I'm going to be able to start putting together somewhat coherent posts on a semi-regular basis. That's primarily when I 'll be spending alot more time in my office, thus allowing me to spend company time like any other god fearing american should. Which we all know means...using your internet connections for your own personal devices.

Until then I'll try and post something every couple of days. What can I say? Other than, now anybody who reads this who doesn't already know me...has a pretty good idea what it's like to be my friend. I'm extremely unreliable. I rarely answer my phone. I show up hours after I say I will, if I show up at all. Don't forget about my well known proclivity for getting drunk and then disapearring without so much as a word to any of the people that I came out with. It was only a matter of time until my antics permeated into this area of my life as well.

I don't want to act like all I'll I've done is work though. I went to a great show in downtown Orlando at my favorite venue for smallish concerts. The group headliners were a group named Hieroglyphics and it was a a place called The Social. I met a couple of friends at the show and I had a great time . I also definitely had too much to drink for what I had ahead of me workwise the following morning, but again...I'm unreliable. At least I'm self actualized about it.

On a far less pleasing note, the Cardinals lost 3 of 4 to the Cubs. They still lead by 10.5 games so it's hard to get to uptight but the pitching staff, other than Carpenter, is looking as shaky as it has all season. Not good times.

Alas, that is all I can write for this evening. The Florida Gators are in the middle of fall practice and I have alot of reading to do.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Fuck you, Fuck you, You're cool. Fuck you...I'm out.

I'm cutting out of work early today so that I can go play basketball this evening. I usually play ball about a couple of times a week but I have to go to Orlando for some more training on Tuesday and Wednesday so it's not looking good for the rest of the week. The way I figure it, I'll be working on my drive to Orlando tommorrow morning, so I might as well take some personal time this afternoon. I may be a slave to the white man, but I'm certainy not going to be his house boy as well.

Anyway, this is all I plan on posting for the next couple of days. I'll be pretty busy in Orlando and don't want to waste your or my time with crap that's anymore unfocused than usual.

As for tonight, the Cards are playing the Brewers after yesterday's amazing walk-off Grand Slam by David Eckstein. If you were watching the game, it definitely had the feel of the type of game that you'll back on in October as one of the season's key moments. Hopefully, I'll be looking back on yesterday after a World Series victory, not a blown Central division lead to the Astros. On a related note, I think it's now painfully obvious that Chris Carpenter picked one of the worst years possible to have his career season. If Roger Clemens contines pitching lights out like this, then Carpenter won't have a chance at the Cy Young. All those old sportswriters are practically licking Clemen's taint at this point in the season. If Clemens does win, it's certainly deserved but you gotta feel bad for a guy like Carpenter who was basically left for dead by Toronto a few years back. He's now far better than he ever was before his injury and he's nothing more than a blurb in articles about how Clemens may be the greatest pitcher of all time.

Monday Night Football is back tonight, which mean that...Monday Night Countdown is back...Booyah!

It should be interesting to see Ricky Williams back in action, if only because this is all we'll see from him for until November when he gets off his four game suspension. He's listed as the #4 running back on the depth chart and I can't wait to see him playing with/against guys who will be bringing their playbooks to the coaches office in about a week or so. If he wanted to he could be the real life equivalent of Bo Jackson on Super Tecmo Bowl tonight. I know being even remotely excited about Preseason football is a joke but...whatdo you want from me? It's August and I need football, any football.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

You really gotta see this shit.

This may be the best blog entry of all time. I found the link on Jerry's Wheelhouse (which I linked to yesterday) and was immediately struck by the humor, analysis and truth of this post. Maybe I'm going a little far, but it's certainly a good read and a hell of a collaborative effort.

Also, because I hate Rocky Top, Fat Phil and everything associated with the University of Tennesse. I'm linking to a video of a UT Defensive Tackle Tony McDaniel breaking some kids face during a pickup basketball game. Scroll down to the bottom of the article and click on the video link. While you're watching this video remember that this guy is only suspended for the first two games of the 2005 season.

I have to go to Orlando tommorrow for soem training so I probably won't post anything. Maybe this weekend...then again, maybe not.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Hey...the Magic still have Travis Diener!!

I'm gonna make this quick because I just ate my dinner about five minutes ago and have been seriously procrastinating on "electing a new pope". Special thanks to Jerry's Wheelhouse for that fantastic euphemism. Because of this, I will keep it very short and very sweet (ngs).

-I don't quite get the moves that the Miami Heat made yesterday. This is the kind of trade that a 13 year old Mark would've declared "The greatest trade in the history of trades". Alas, I am not 13 anymore, far from it actually. This trade looks good on paper but is going to be nearly impossible to make work on the court. I admire that the Heat are going all out in an effort to win a championship in the next year or so (if only because so few franchises actually make such an effort) but I feel as though their aim is spectacularly off the mark.

In my opinion, James Posey is going to prove to be the best acquisition of the bunch. He can guard the opposition's best perimeter scorer every night while also providing some much needed outside shooting. Sure, he had an off year last year but that was due more to the instability in the Memphis lineup and his own injuries than anything having to do with his overall talent.

On the other hand, Antoine Walker and Jason Williams couldn't be more ill-fited for this Miami team. Williams doesn't play off the ball well, which is essential with Dwyane Wade's continued development. Wade needs to have the ball in his hands at least some of the time in order to be a most effective scorer. A point guard who can keep defenses honest is essential with a player like Wade (not to mention Shaq) on your team.

What exactly is Williams going to bring to the table late in the game when Wade is bringing the ball down the court and isolating on the wing? If you're thinking that he will relieve some pressure with his shooting then you haven't been watching alot of Williams in the past 5 years. He's a streaky shooter, at best, who will allow defenses to sag in the lane as they dare him to consistently beat them. Finally, does anybody think that they would be comfortable with Williams running the point in the fourth quarter of a tightly contested playoff game? No way. He's definitely a better overall point guard than Damon Jones but as a fit in Miami, he's a step backwards.

As for Walker, I just can't see this turning out well. He will have to log alot of minutes at the three and he's a little too old for that. He may even be forced to come off the bench due to the presence of Haslem and Posey and everybody knows how he'd handle that. Then there is the issue of if he will be able to change his style of play in order to accomodate the needs of Wade and O'Neal. So far in his career he has shown an unwillingness to do anything close to this (the exact reason why he was such an awful fit in Dallas) and it's tough to see him seeing the light at this point in his career.

You knew they were going to drop Eddie Jones' contract ( a good idea) but I'm surprised that they decided to go the way of the New York Rangers with a eye for names as opposed to pieces that fit together to form a cohesive unit......Duffman says, "The NHL is back, oh yeah!"

- I know that the whole Streetball culture is very hip with the kids right now but I have to say that this new series of ESPN shows named City Slam is god awful. It a bunch of semi-pro guys (at best) jumping over bars and doing just about anything other than playing actual basketball. Besides the horrible premise of the show, there are a couple of other things that really kill me about this show.

- Spud Webb is a judge and...he's fat. Not enormous but still...come on...Spud Webb can't be fat.

- Dee Brown (Reebok Pumper, not collegiate senior) is the de facto host and his voice sounds exactly like the black dude from the Die Hard II. You probably know who I'm talking about because there was always only two black guys in every Die Hard movie, one terrorist and one good guy. I guess my point is that the show is nearly unwatchable. Notice I said nearly. I've seen at least two episodes in the last week.

Monday, August 01, 2005

"I'm not a coward"

That is part of a quote from none other than Fran Vazquez, the guy that the Orlando Magic drafted with the 11th pick in the draft. Why was he saying this? That's because he has decided to stay in Europe for an undetermined amount of time. Yes...undetermined.

The headline to this article says, "Magic, agent surprised". No shit. This is an absolute disgrace. Not only did the Magic pass on a number of quality players (including one possible superstar) to select a big Spanish stiff, but now they can't even sign him. I think my favorite part of this article is where Vazquez says, "I'm afraid of the American way of life...". That's great. I'm glad Otis Smith had the forseight to investigate these kinds of things.

I've been saying it alot lately (not here) and I'm going to say it again...the Orlando Magic are becoming the East Coast Clippers. You may think that I'm being overdramatic, but name another team that has had as many chances to become a title contender and has managed to consistently screw it up by such a wide variety of managerial incompetence as the Magicians? Plus, they've only existed for 16 years.

Just in case you want a better picture of the Magic's recent drafts, here you go.

I'm calling it right now. The Magic are eventually going to try and make Dwight Howard play Center exclusively. Instead of allowing him to move between the 4 and the 5, ala Duncan and the Spurs. This will lead to Howard leaving two summers from now when he's a free agent. Which will lead to me being charged with the brutal murder of Pat Williams.

I NEVER take time off...EVER!

It's been over a week since I last posted anything here and I'm here to tell you that I had a very good reason for my delinquency. The reason is that...I was on vacation. That's right, I took yet another vacation. This one wasn't as long as the nearly three week vacation that I took in early June, nor was it as adventuresome as my trip to Chocolate City in early July, but it was still an impressive 9 days of nothing but sleeping late, going to the beach and (of course) copious amounts of NCAA Football 2006. At this point, Chad Jackson might as well be Jesus himself on that damn game. I haven't started my season yet (that's coming later this week) but I am guaranteeing a Heisman for the guy my friend Calvin nicknamed (however unoriginally) "Action Jackson".

Sadly though, my vacation came to an end today as I began my new job. In the interests of not incriminating myself I'll just say that it's more in line with my area of study in college. As I've said earlier in this space, I think I'll stick with this one for awhile...or at least until something easier and more financial rewarding comes along. I should be settled in by the end of the week and be able to start posting on a regular basis once more. It's a good damn thing too, since both the Nationals and the Cardinals have felt the effects of my last post.

The Cards are really struggling due to a ridiculous rash of injuries. Even more worrisome is the ever more annoying Houston Astros. They look scary right now. What the hell is with these douchebags? Why can't they just pack it in during early July and start trading people like every other mid-market club who is seemingly out of the race? I honestly think that if the Astros get within 5 games by mid-August that my Dad's head will explode...seriously. He's already so shook up that he was bringing up injuries from 20 years ago that helped sabotage otherwise fantastic Cardinal seasons (Coleman in '85, Clark in '87). If this continues we may have to sedate him with a horse tranquilizer during the stretch run.

As for the's time to take Ol' Yeller out back and shoot him. Not that Jim Bowden hasn't done a good job with the hand he was dealt, but he still needs to be shot. Trust me. I've met the man on numerous occasions and nobody's gonna miss him. Maybe that's what the Nationals need, a tragic death to rally around. They certainly can't play any worse than they've played lately. I haven't totally ditched the Washington bandwagon just yet but it's definitely not a stretch to say that I'm currently being fitted for my jumping shoes.

Finally, I know that by the time you read this most of you will have heard at least 67 takes on the Rafael Palmeiro situation, but allow me to add my two cents:

(1) If you believed Palmeiro didn't use steroids based on his Congressional testimony, then you're clearly not a student of History. Anybody who remembers "Godfather II" should remember just how good the Degoes are at lying to Congress.

(2) I am in no way wealthy or smart, this is not up for debate. I just passed a drug test, for the second time this summer. Read that last sentence again. Dude you're pathetic.