Monday, February 28, 2005

Nothing witty to all.

Something that slipped under the radar this weekend with all of the Maurice Clarett stuff going on at the combine is that Braylon Edwards jumped in with a group of running backs for the bench press repititions evaluation (receivers are not required to participate in the bench press) unannounced and then proceeded to bust out 22 reps at 225 lbs. Apparently, NFL execs who were in attendance were initially quite confused by Edwards' move but then were so impressed with his feat of strength that they gave him a standing ovation upon the completion of his workout. Then former FSU QB Adrian McPherson followed Edwards' lead and jumped on the bench as well and knocked out 23 reps. My guess is that McPherson must've had a bet going with Edwards on who could do more reps. The lesson here of course is...never bet against a convicted gambler.

In more combine news, Maurice Clarett's lawyer and "most trusted confidant" (his words) is none other than David Kenner. For those of you not familiar with Mr. Kenner, he was the lead attorney for Suge Knight and Death Row Records during the mid-to-late nineties. No wonder Clarett ran a 4.82, he was wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying a glock...I hear its really tough to run with a gun in your waistband.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

A Travashamockery...

I don't have the time to talk about BC-Villanova. BC lost and now they're apparently in danger of losing their No. 1 seed according to the yahoos on ESPN. I think that its fairly ridiculous that BC can lose two games in the past three weeks and all of the sudden they're not one of the top 4 teams in the country. Seedings should be based on your entire body of work throughout the year, not what you did in February and March. If thats not the case, why don't we just hold a conference tournament and take the top finishers regardless of record? BC does deserve a No. 1 seed in the tournament, though they may not deserve to play their first round games as close to home as Worcester, MA.

I know that everybody already thought Barry Bonds did steroids and that we've all seen his bizarre press conference but one thing, in particular, about the press conference stuck with me. When Bonds was defending/explaining the use of steroids, he unleashed this classic (I'm paraphrasing), "Alcohol is the number one killer in America, why don't we make that illegal? Tobacco is the number two or three killer in America, why don't we make that illegal?" That argument is the same exact argument, nearly verbatim, that every pot/coke/pill head that I've ever met uses when defending the merits of their recreational drug of choice. Believe me when I say that I know more people who either still use or once used drugs on a daily basis than most of the American population. At one point or another, I've heard every last one of these people use this tired argument as a means of legitimizing their drug use. Shit, I've used this argument to defend my once mind-boggling drug habit. While what Barry said about alcohol and tobacco is certainly true, it doesn't change the fact that it is a flawed argument to begin with, that is nothing more than a tool to rationalize the use of illegal substances. I always knew that Barry Bonds was juicing more than a mexican immigrant in Fellsmere, FL but if I ever had any doubts, those two sentences certainly sealed the deal.

Oh yeah...If you ever get the chance to watch the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that is based on Larry meeting a smut peddler...drop what you're doing and check it out. Basically, Bob Odenkirk (of Mr. Show w/ Bob & David or more famously the presidential candidate from the Miller Lite "President of Beers" campaign") invites Larry and his wife over to a dinner party in the valley. Sounds nice enough, the only problem is that Bob is a former porn star who proceeds to regale the entire party with stories of his sexual prowess and abilities, including a tidbit about tabasco sauce and its magical erectile powers...funny, very funny like imagining Dikembe Mutombo telling you to bring his lotion to the bus.

I'll be strokin...

Some very good college basketball action in each of the past two nights with Tuesday featuring an entertaining Texas-Texas Tech matchup as well as a last minute thriller btween LSU and Alabama.

Texas-TTU: This was a very fun game to watch. I have sworn off ever, ever betting on a Bobby Knight coached team in the NCAA tourney but I am seriously thinking about going against that this year as TTU has two very solid guards in Donald Ross and Jay/Jarious Jackson. Ross is a very heady point guard who seems to always make a good decision with the ball while also having an automatic 10-12 foot floater. Jay/Jarious Jackson is a scorer, pure and simple. He doesn't do one thing exceptionally well but he finds a way to get to the hoop while also being a farily consistent jumpshooter (extending out beyond the three point line). I always thought his name was Jarious but the announcers were calling him Jay all night so I just assumed I was wrong. Later in the evening, Chris Folwer was calling him Jarious Jackson. I am thoroughly confused at this point and don't care enough to look it up. His last name is Jackson, thats enough for me. As for Texas, losing PJ Tucker to grades could prove to hurt them significantly in two ways. (1) Tucker was the clear go-to-guy on this team and their only consistent interior scoring threat. Without him, the team has fallen off considerably and probably won't make the tourney. (2) Because of Tucker's absence, freshman PG Daniel Gibson has been forced to take on a larger role. Gibson is an immense talent who should be starting in the NBA within a couple of years. I don't think he would've even entertained thoughts of entering the Draft earlier this year, yet since his role has expanded he's getting alot more looks by NBA people, and deservedly so. Personally, I think he should stay one more year but I don't think he will. If Gibson does decide to stay next year, Texas will be scary good and should be in everybody's preseason Top 5.

LSU-Alabama: I only watched the last three minutes of this game but if the rest of the game was anything like those final three minutes then this should be playing on ESPN Classic within a couple of weeks. The best part of this game was the sequence that led up to LSU tipping in the game winner at the buzzer. Alabama banked in a three with about 15 seconds left and LSU decided not to call a timeout. Here where it gets interesting: Power Forward Brandon Bass (probable SEC player of the year) received the inbounds pass and advanced the ball upcourt. Once he crossed halfcourt, he refused to give the ball up to a guard. Basically, he was saying "I'm the best player on this team, I'm taking the final shot." Bass clearly ignored two different LSU guards during this sequence and then drove into the middle of the lane and put up an off-balance shot that missed and was subsequently tipped in at the buzzer. LSU wins and the players go nuts. I bet that guys like Len Elmore and Jay Bilas were smiling form ear-to-ear the entire time leading up to Bass's final shot as just about every big man in recorded history has wanted to waive off their smaller teammates when it came time to create the final shot, though I doubt few, if any, of them ever had the balls to actually do it. Lucky for Bass it worked out in his favor.

Last night UF played Vandy, Boston College took on Villanova and Duke played Ga. Tech. In keeping with my policy of not discussing Gator basketball in this space, I will only say that the University of Florida was triumphant and that they are still in second place in the SEC EAST.

Duke-Ga. Tech: I didn't watch alot of this as I was taking in the Gator victory but I did notice that Shelden Williams didn't start the second half. Evidently, Coach K uses the same bogus motivational techniques as my high school coach, the only difference being that they work for Coach K. One more thing: I am going to travel to Sarasota and shoot Dick Vitale if he continues to blather on and on about Lee Melchionni being a walk-on. The guy had a scholarship to Duke that he willingly gave up in order to allow a higher rated player to join Duke's recruiting class with the agreement that he would receive a scholarship as a sophomore. Technically he is a walk-on, but in reality he was/is a recruited Duke athlete who is on scholarship. This isn't some kid who went to open tryouts and is now contributing valuable minutes on the court. Stop trying to embellish things all the time Dick, the only peole who think your schtick is anything other than complete and total crap are 6th graders and girls who claim "to love sports". Why couldn't he have had a stroke recently instead of Tedy Bruschi...and for clarifications sake, a real one not like that half-stroke that Bruschi had.

WOW. I really am going to hell. Oh well, I heard its nice around March.

Work is calling, be back with more crap to talk about later.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Shiiit, this is worth more than the damn cab fare!!

A former University of Florida tailback who transferred last summer to Oregon State University by the name of Jimtavis (is Depeche really that outlandish?) Walker was arrested earlier this week because he, along with another OSU player by the name of Star Paddock, attempted to settle their cab fare by giving the cabbie a bag of marijuana. When the cabbie refused to take the illicit drug as a form of payment, Walker reacted by throwing a hamburger at the cabbie and then taking the money from previous fares. The cabbie then called the police to report the crime. WOW, it will be sad to see this guy suiting up for somebody else this fall. Enjoy all the tawdry details....

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Depeche, it's time for dinner.

My apologies for the significant delay in getting something new up this week. Who I'm apologizing to, I'm not so sure because I doubt anybody regularly reads this drivel that I post but it makes me feel better about writing this if I delude myself into thinking that there's an audience out there. With that said, I am going to try my best to post something, anything each and every day from here on out, even if its just a link or two. You'll have to forgive me if I miss a day or two during the month of March...why? Well, Spring Training takes place during March which means that the last half of February and the entire month of March are nothing more than a succession of 11 hours days over and over and over as my work week extends to a full seven days during this time. In case you were wondering, I have a Master's degree and the major league staff constantly shoot me looks like a just threw up on their shoes during this stretch of spring...sounds fun don't it?

As I was driving back into work from an appointment earlier today, I was listening to Depeche Mode...yes, I listen to Depeche Mode and NO, I'm not ashamed to admit that publicly...anyway, I was listening to the Violator CD when I started wondering how many poor kids out there have been named Depeche by their idiotic parents. I'm absolutely positive that their are numerous kids out there with this name, though I base this opinion on nothing whatsoever other than my complete and total lack of faith in the entire American population.

Shortly after this, I went through the Burger King drive-thru to get a small order of fries and was served (with a complimentary side of sass) by a young woman who apparently, according to her name tag, goes by the name of Sugar...I rest my case.

I don't have alot more other than some much delayed thoughts on the NBA All-Star Game:

I was quite surprised that Quentin Richardson won the three point contest since he's more of a streak shooter than a pure shooter like Kyle Korver (my pick) but you certainly can't complain about the dramatic fashion in which he thing I can, and will complain about is having to see his fiancee Brandy on my television repeatedly throughout the evening. She makes me uneasy...I think its the fact that her eyes are on either side of her face like some sort of half woman-half fish. Its unnatural. Speaking of Brandy, her career has never really been the same since she did that song with Monica where they appeared side-by-side in the video. Before that, everybody seemed to think that Brandy was this beautiful songstress (not this guy), that is until people saw her standing next to Monica, who really IS beautiful. Then suddenly, the general public was forced to reevaluate their whole stance on Brandy and the next thing you know, she was faking marriages and starring in shitty sitcoms on the WB.

The Dunk contest was quite exciting since Josh Smith possessed not only the ability but also the neccessary showmanship for such an event. I won't go into great detail since most people saw, at least, the highlights of the contest but I will address one thing that really bothered me: J.R. Smith got jobbed on his first dunk attempt. If you didn't see it, Smith came out on his first dunk attempt and executed a dunk that I had never seen prior. Basically, Smith jumped with the ball in his left hand and then brought the ball behind his back and into his right hand which he then used to dunk the ball. This is a very hard dunk to execute. If you don't believe me then go out and try to complete this move and finish the subesequent layup...I tried and couldn't even finish the move itself, much less the layup. Well, for being original and completing a dunk with such a high degree of difficulty, J.R. received a 45, that's right a 45. I've seen guys get a 45 for doing a reverse off the bounce in the dunk contest...the lesson of course is: never, ever go first in the dunk contest.

Now to the actual game:

-Vince Carter's dunk was awesome as I can't remember seeing VC jump that high in about four or five years. Right after he completed the dunk, I saw Yao Ming nudge Tracy Mcgrady on the bench and then lean over and say something. Who knows what exactly Yao said, but really I hope that Yao insulted Carter for being derivative and unoriginal or maybe for being the biggest mama's boy in the NBA.

- Did you notice Allen Iverson breathing like he just ran a marathon during his halftime interview with the Predator, err, Cheryl Miller? Iverson said that his teammates were probably surprised to see him so winded but that "it was, what it was"...or in other words, "I have been drinking and smoking until the wee hours of the morning for the past three days...what else do you think we do during All-Star weekends? Other than gangbang groupies, of course."

-During the 2nd quarter, Steve Kerr was talking about the last time that Denver hosted an All-Star game and while he talked, TNT went into a highlight package from the 1984 All-Star game. Kerr went on to discuss the results of the game and reveal that Isiah Thomas was named the MVP. This reminded me that the 1984 All-Star game was also the sight of the famous "freeze-out" of Michael Jordan that was led by Isiah himself. Pretty amazing that not one single reporter played this angle up in the past week. It would've been a pretty interesting story to look back upon when you consider that this one event led to the bitter Bulls-Pistons rivalry as well as to Isiah being left off of the original Dream Team. Of course, I can understand why there wasn't time for this type of fluff reporting when the guys at the Denver Post were working on big stories like the one about Marcus Camby's toilet overflowing during his party on Friday night.

-Amare Stoudemire's dunk off the Kobe Bryant alley-oop...Holy Shit!! Shawn Kemp must want to cry everytime that he sees Stoudemire dunk. If not Kemp, then certainly Gary Payton.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

GOD!! I hate that guy...

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE Christian Well, I hate Christian Drejer like Barry Bonds hates reporters from the San Francisco Chronicle, actually I may hate him even more than that.

Drejer was suppossed to be a lottery pick in the making when he arrived at the University of Florida only to be badly injured as a freshman which lead to him being about 50% health-wise (we were told) for the second half of his freshman year. The media (see: Chad Ford, Andy Katz, etc) kept telling everybody that would listen that Drejer would be an amazing point forward hybrid once he got healthy and acclimated to Billy Donovan's system. Then a funny thing happened...Drejer's sophomore year began and while nobody could deny that he was a gifted passer and a skilled ballhandler, there was not alot else to rave about in the young Dane's game. He was average athletically, at best, while still managing to carry the torch for horrible European defenders of yesteryear. Drejer couldn't have covered half the professors in the UF Grad/Faculty/Staff division of intramurals without giving up 15+ points. As if that wasn't enough, Drejer couldn't shoot a lick, he was shooting below 30% from three midway through his sophomore season. I'll gladly take the typical European aversion to defense and lack of athleticism if I'm getting a deadeye shooter (or at least skilled scorer) in return. Drejer was none of these things, simply put he was a slow footed, overhyped point forward. I held no ill will toward a kid who clearly couldn't live up to the hype that surrounded him. Even after he singlehandedly blew the Kentucly game last year (four tunovers against the press in the final 3:30), I almost felt bad for him and all the expectations. Then, a week or two later, Drejer bolted on his teammates, coaches, and university to sign a pro contract in Spain even asserting that his lackluster play was as much due to Donovan's system as it was his own ineptitude. It was official, I hated him. I would secretly wish for Drejer to be caught in a riot following a game in Salamanca or some other remote Spanish locale for the following six-to-seven months.

Well, that never happened and Drejer went on to play out the season with his team FC Barca, rather unimpressively, I might add. I had not thought about Christian or my unbelievable hate for him until I saw this article on Drejer :

The quotes from his coach basically sums up everything that will keep Drejer from ever being anything other a fringe NBA Player. Good to see Christian is still living the dream because it sure looks like nothing more than a dream at this point...couldn't happen to nicer guy.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Could Marcus Stround eat an entire bowl of red onions?

Not a whole lot today since I was working most of the weekend and I missed alot of good basketball games but that's part of the deal during this time of year for me. Two things I did see though: (1) Ismai'l Muhammad leaping over NC State's Engin Atsur who was doing his best Frederic Weis imitation for the fans in Atlanta...WOW, most impressive display of athleticism I've witnessed in a long, long time. It's too bad that he did that on Sunday night because it overshadowed the other amazing thing that I saw: (2) Some kid from Fresno State had what had to be the alley-oop (his end being the "oop", I think) of the year on Saturday. I have no idea who Fresno was playing, but this kid reached back for a lob that was thrown too high and behind him and proceeded to finish the dunk, left-handed, and get fouled. It made me jump up in excitement and I was only watching the replay. If you're looking to waste a little company time (and aren't we all?) serch for both of these dunks on the internet when you get a chance.

I would probably be alot more bitter about missing so much basketball in the coming weeks if I hadn't stumbled across this early last week, click on the link to see what I'm talking about:

This is the greatest thing that I could have ever imagined, though I'm not nearly imaginative enough of a guy to have dreamt this up. For those of us who don't have TV's in our office, this sort of thing is the ONLY reason not to take two sick days on the 17th & 18th of March. I work at a Spring Training facility and I can say, without a measure of shame, that I will be nowhere near the Major League exhibition game taking place in our facility on either of these two days. I'll be staring at my computer with a white hot intensity normally reserved for such complicated tasks as recruiting for my dynasty on NCAA Football 2005...and I won't be looking at an Excel spreadsheet, that I can assure you.

-Syracuse and Pitt play tonight which means that guys in these two cities/colleges are (A) going to miss the entire game, which is of critical importance in the Big East Race or (B) Going to be single by about 10 PM eastern standard time.

-I've heard a couple of different people whose opinions' I respect mentioned Chevon Troutman as a possible future NFL tight end recently, this sounds very feasible to me provided that he doesn't have an NBA future (which I don't think he does)...Coincidentally, I don't respect Dick Vitale's opinion on anything (other than maybe where to go for a good eggplant parmigiana) but he mentioned Kentucky's Chuck Hayes as somebody he thought could be a good NFL tight end and I completely and totally agree with Dick on this one. Hayes is as tough as you'll find in college basketball and is an exceedingly good rebounder for his size, not to mention that he is a proven winner and a great character guy. If Hayes has any semblance of hands he could be a Pro Bowl tight end in the NFL.

-Speaking of the Pro Bowl...nevermind, I don't have anything to say about the Pro Bowl other than its a joke and I couldn't care less if they ever played the game again. Why don't we just take the guys who are selected for the Pro Bowl and send them all to Cabo San Lucas or some other remore location and have them all participate in a Real World/Road Rules-esque challenge for a couple of days? The players would still get their free tropical vacation and ESPN would get more than a .05% share of the TV audience share. Wouldn't this be more interesting than watching a glorified flag football game in the middle of February? Ok, I guess I did have something to say about the Pro Bowl.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Zack Attack...

Don't get all excited over my title, the Zack Attack isn't getting back together. I heard something about AC Slater being busy trying out for the WWE's Tough Enough and that Lisa Turtle was holding out for more songs with her on lead vocals, so we're just gonna have to keep our fingers crossed for now. The real news is this: Apparently Zach Randolph was honored recently for donating a little over $45,000 to the Portland Parks & Rec Dept...the only problem is that the check he wrote to the Dept. bounced...twice. Thank you Trail Blazers, you never fail to brighten up my day...

Kick his ass Seabass!!!

In anticipation of tonight's Duke-UNC matchup I am posting this article for your reading pleasure. I have always liked Coach K and Duke was my favorite team as a young child but even the most ardent of Duke supporters should be able to apprecciate this:

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

I'm going to take my own life....

It's not worth going on anymore, its just not worth it. My worst nightmare has come to fruition and its way worse than I thought it would be. What am I talking about? No, not Major Dad's DVD release being delayed yet again, though that enrages me as well.

Apparently Stephen A. Smith mentioned on the radio yesterday that he thought that drinking played a role in Rudy Tomjanovich's retirement. This coming almost exactly a week after I floated the same theory in this very space. To many people this would serve as a comfirmation that their instincts were correct, to me this serves as a confirmation that I am a no talent hack. I would probably rather have two eyes like Stuart Scott's left one than to be like minded with somebody of Stephen A. Smith's ilk.

Oh yeah, Steve Francis also got snubbed from the All-Star game...maybe him and Cuttino will take the time to go on a romantic vaction to the Carribean or something. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm pierce my tongue with a rusty nail.....

Westside connection...

Without a doubt, one of the worst rap groups of all-time...I call them a rap group because I refuse to call any group that includes Mack 10 and WC a "super group", though watching WC do the crip walk in all of their videos was pretty super...nevertheless, we continue on with my thoughts on some deserving Western Conference reserves:

Steve Nash: I have discussed the Santa Clara Alum in this space numerous times this year, so my affection for his game and its impact on the league's most exciting team has been covered. Simply put, my pick for the MVP thus far.

Ray Allen: I must admit, that I've never been a big Ray Allen fan. Even back in his days at UConn, I could never develop much affection for him or his game. I was always partial to Big East rival Allen Iverson during this time because Iverson seemed to play with more heart and took the ball to the rim much more often. Allen, along with Mike Miller, has one of the two prettiest jumpshots in the league and he clearly knows how to use itbetter than Miller. I just always wished that he'd diversify his game a little more by driving the ball. Well, this year he has started going to the hoop a bit more often and has embraced the leadership role (finally) which is something he never really did in Milwaukee and his team has flourished as a result. Along with Nash, deserving of a start in the All-Star Game. Quick note: I thought that Allen was bound for Denver this off-season but now that Kiki has hired George Karl, I'm not so sure as I heard that they couldn't stand each other in Milwaukee. If Ray is smart, he'd take a little less money and team up with Lebron for the next 6 years.

Dirk Nowitzki: He has ascended to another level this year and I, for one, do not think he is even close to his ceiling as a player. He has become the kind of guy who can take over games with his entire game, not just his shooting, which is crucial if you want to lead a team deep into the playoffs. By the time Dirk reaches 29-30, you could be looking at the MVP of the NBA. Just an amazing skill set for a seven-footer and he finally looks to be embracing the role of go-to-guy.

Lamar Odom: Doesn't deserve an All-Star selection, but that's not his fault. If the Lakers ran their offense through him, not only would he be averaging 20-10-6 but the Lakers would be about two or three spots higher in the West. The only other big man in the West who has an all-court skill level on par with Nowitzki, though their skills are much different. I'm hoping that the ankle injury has allowed Kobe to realize exactly what he has in Odom and he comes back determined to make the most of his teammate.

Amare Stoudemire: Most athletic big man since a young Shawn Kemp was flying around Seattle. Has the potential to be the best player in the NBA by the time he is 26. Most people don't realize that because of issues with some school transfer (his mom was in jail at the time) that this guy only played two years of high school basketball, even sitting out his entire senior year. He hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of his potential. Its easy to say that his improvement is a direct result of Steve Nash but that would be shortsighted. Stoudemire's jumpshot is dramtically improved as is his ballhandling. If he continues to improve each offseason and doesn't decide to have 16 kids from 9 different mothers, you're looking at a multiple winner of scoring and rebounding titles.

As I said before, these aren't the only guys I think are deserving, just the ones who intrigue me the most at the current time.

The University of Florida basketball team goes into Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY tonight which has been a house of horrors for the Gators of late. The last time the Gators won in Rupp, Jason Williams was dropping 25 pts and 11 assists on a shellshocked UK team. Of course, Williams was dismissed for Billy Donovan's program about two weeks later and Tubby Smith has dominated the Gators ever since. I like this Gator team alot more than either of the previous two teams who got bitch slapped in Rupp. With that said, I am not confident in tonight's matchup. If UF played their best game of the year, they'd have a shot at a somewhat vulnerable Kentucky team. Unfortunately for the Gators, they played that game on Saturday versus Alabama. I'll be rooting hard for Roberson, Lee, Horford and Co. but I can't say I'll be surprised if Ashley Judd is dancing around like a lunatic by the midway point of the second half.

You're a shining matter who you are...

Sorry about the musical accompaniment of my title but I've had that song stuck in my head for, like three days now and since the All-Star reserves are bieng announced today I thought it had some relevance.

I don't have a lot of time right now but I thought I'd give a couple of my picks for the All-Star reserves, mind you these aren't all the picks, just a couple of ones that draw my own personal interest:


Jermaine O'Neal: A level below Duncan and Garnett because he ahs yet to prove he can take over a big game against another big-time post player...still a very dominant force. Even exhibiting some Alpha dog characteristics since returnign from suspension.

Gilbert Arenas: If Larry Hughes hadn't been injured, I may have taken him over Arenas but you can't really go wrong with either of them. Arenas has a very legitimate shot at being the pest scoring PG in the league and he's only 23. He's reigned in his wildness some in each of the last two years and can take over a game at any moment. Not a quicker first step of better pull-up jumper in the league right now. Quick note: Before injury, Hughes was averaging more points, assists, rebounds and steals (leading the league) than Arenas. Gilbert's numbers in those categories are all very impressive to begin with, goes to show how special this Wizards team could be if they keep the Arenas, Hughes, Jamison troika together and find a good big man...and yes, I just wanted to use the word troika.

Steve Francis: Say what you want about Steve-O but he has been the leader, and leading scorer on a team thats gone from laughing stock of the league to a good playoff team in just under 6 months. Yes, Grant Hill has alot to do with this, but nobody has hit more big, game winning shots this year than Francis. His toughness and will to win have clearly rubbed off on a franchise that was headed down the path to utter mediocrity (if they were lucky) before he was acquired.

Dwyane Wade: Who cares what position he plays...this guy is 8th in the league in scoring and fourth in assists in his second year in the league. There isn't a more exciting guard in the NBA right now. He should make about ten more All-Star teams and that is a conservative estimate.

That's my Eastern Conference analysis, I'll be back later in the day to give you my thoughts on a few of the Western Conference guys.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Super Diary...sort of

5:56: It's just me, a cold bud light and my dog Tinsley settling in for the Super Bowl, though since it's not even six yet, we should probably have kickoff within about two hours...gotta love all the crap the NFL throws at you just to watch one damn football game.

5:57: Rockets beat the Lakers on ABC as a last second shot rims out on Lamar Odom. I only watched parts of the second half but apparently the Lakers mounted quite a comeback only to fall short as Bob Sura was too much for L.A. to handle, seriously. Sura's really resurrected his career in the past 8-9 months, before he had that run of triple-doubles with the Hawks late last year, most casual NBA fans would've told you he was out of the League.

5:58: There's not a bigger group of sellouts than the Black Eyed Peas,god I hate them...these guys were once considered a legitimately talented hip-hop group, now they would basically perform old exploitative vaudeville acts while painted in black face for the right price. I will say the white girl that they added is very attractive in a "girl you could screw in the back alley behind a nightclub" way...too bad she started her career as an actress on the saturday morning show "Kids Inc."...yeah, I have no life.

6:00: Evidently I missed Charlie Daniels as well as Earth, Wind, & Fire...I was waffling on my pick but now that I see the band who inspired the name of Pats DB Earthwind Moreland is performing, I'm sold. Pats will win...aren't you glad that you don't have to pay for my keen insight?

6:01: The Black Eyed Peas' frontman (Black guy with long dreads) just told the crowd to have a "Happy Football"...are fucking kidding me? This isn't a holiday. Is this the first sporting event he's ever attended?

6:03: I can't believe the NFL & Fox are making us watch some time filler featuring the Dad from American Pie as some cheesy physicist...who likes this shit? Furthermore, who oks ideas like this? Can I have his/her home address?

6:10: Alicia Keys is singing "America the Beautiful" with the help of the children from the Florida School for the Deaf & Blind. The deaf kids are all signing the words but the blind kids are all just standing there...that's right just a bunch of kids sitting on the field at the Super Bowl and they're all just standing there. Couldn't we have just gone with the deaf kids and stuck the blind kids down in the endzone or something? C'mon, they're would they know the difference? What's that? Of course I know that I'm going to hell.

6:11: Alicia Keys is pretty damn hot...jeez...I hope my girlfriend doesn't read this, you should've seen her reaction when I shushed her because Jessica Alba suddenly appeared on a re-run of "Entourage" last week...not good times.

6:12: I heard that Michael Chikliss form the Shiled is a HUGE asshole...this is coming from a guy I know who is an editor on that show...I know that its very hard to belive that an actor could have a huge over-inflated ego and be an asshole but thats what I've heard.

6:16: New England comes out (as a team) to Crazy Train, nice it safe to say that the days of individual player introductions are over at the Super Bowl? Once the Pats pulled that "Introduce us a team" on the Rams during that Super Bowl it just makes any team who does individual intros look like a bunch of selfish pricks.

6:21: Peter King sure loves "House" on Fox, just thought you'd like to know.

6:26: The tribute to the "greatest generation" was a very nice gesture, though I'd have been pretty pissed if I was one of the Tuskegee Airmen or Screaming Eagles and I had to share the spotlight with the damn Navy Waves. I'm all for equality but that's just ridiculous. Did anybody even know the Navy Waves existed before 2 minutes ago?

6:29: Nice national no way overdone or cheesy, even gave me a few goosebumps.

6:30: Ice Cube is the new "XXX"? I'm speaking striclty for myslef here , but I sure did respect and enjoy Ice Cube alot more when he hated white people. His first four-five albums are all classics and they're all filled with anti-whitey rhetoric and hate. Then he realized that he was neighbors with white people and started making movies and doing more radio friendly music and its all gone to shit. I can't even look at him anymore. Of course, I'm white so what this says about me...I'm not so sure.

6:33: All of New England's captains are guys who've been with the team for a good bit of time with the exception of Rodney Harrison...that says all I need to know about the kind of professional he is, quite a compliment from Belichcik and the other players on that team.

6:34: Horrible toss by some stupid kid from Jacksonville, one of the players even said as much yelling out "Oh, bad toss" as soon as the kid flipped it, well he didn't flip it because the coin went straight up in the air. That kids Dad is gonna be ridiculed all day at work for that and deservedly so.

6:38: KICKOFF! The Eagles kick returner is Rod Hood, is that his "stage name"?

6:40: First pass to TO, and he looked pretty nimble for a guy who shouldn't really be playing.

6:41: McNabb fumbles after a great blitz by Bruschi and a strip by McGinest...two guys who exemplify all that the Pats stand for, with regards to hard work and sacrifice.

6:42: McNabb's knee was down before the fumble and it will be overturned. Big break for the Eagles.

6:44: Apparently the Eagles punter is named Dirk, do you have to a porn star name to play special teams for the Eagles? Just wondering.

6:45: A first down pass to Deion Branch made possible by a fantastic blitz pickup by Corey Dillon. Dillon would've eaten glass before he did something like that in Cincy, shows what winning will do to a guy.

6:51: Fox shows a clip of Belichick running to the wrong bench during the pregame. Joe Buck says it may be a bad sign for the Pats. I disagree, Ron Zook ran to the wrong bench in the very same stadium during the 2003 Florida-Georgia game in which Florida beat Georgia. That's officially the only time you'll ever hear me compare Ron Zook with Bill Belichick.

6:52: Another catch by TO and he is showing few, if any, signs of the injury or the layoff. Gotta be impressed by the guy's will.

6:56: Bud light #3 and a half of a Hershey's Take 5, which is quite possibly the greatest candy bar of all time, trust me...actually, don't trust me go out and by'll be glad you did.

6:58: Jeremiah Trotter went to Stephen F. Austin? Who knew? Certainly not me.

7:01: McNabb throws a first down pass without ever snapping his chin strap...maybe its just me but that is a very bad sign. He also looks uncomfortable in the pocket, both of these are surefire harbingers of too much adrenaline. If he can't settle down, the Eagles could be in deep trouble.

7:04: A third consecutive first down, this one on 3rd &9 and coming from a McNabb pass to LJ Smith, that is big in the field position battle.

7:07: A very impressive leaping catch by TO over the middle leading to first and goal on the 8 after a personal foul on Roosevelt Colvin. Replays show a totally blatant pick on Freddie Mitchell, awful oversight by the officials.

7:08: On 1st & goal at the 8, McNabb takes a horrible sack that loses 16 yards...he's not looking very "Doug Williams-esque" right now.

7:12: Illegal contact penalty on Colvin keeps the Philly drive alive by negating an interception on a very poorly thrown ball by McNabb, this could be HUGE.

7:13: Unsatisfied with his negated interception, McNabb throws a second ball up for grabs that is intercepted by Rodney Harrison. Did Donovan have a three martini lunch with Tara Reid earlier? I hope so because thats the only reasonable explanation for those two passes.

7:17: Pats go three and out as the offense continues to look rusty. Philly may not score alot of points today, but Brady & Co. are gonna have to get it going at some point if they'd like to win, which I assume they do.

7:20: Eugene Wilson strips LJ Smith in a play reminiscent of Bruschi's strip of Dominic Rhodes. New England's defense is really good at making the defining play whether it be a turnover or just a huge stop...they have "it".

7:23: Another 3 & out by the Pats. ZZZZZ....

7:27: On 3rd & 8, Ms. Pinkston makes a very nice grab.

7:29: Little girl Pinkston makes another grab, this one of highlight reel worthiness. Philly is making all the big offensive plays right now but its still 0-0. Philly needs a touchdown off this possession.

7:32: TOUCHDOWN! LJ Smith catches a pass from McNabb on 3rd down to get the scoring started...hopefully the Pats will take this as a sign to, you know start moving the ball on offense.

7:35: The cops are across the street "talking" to the young ruffians who live in my neighborhood. Yes, you too can live a in a shady neighborhood and work far too many hours for the amount of money you make...just apply for a job in minor league baseball!!

7:36: Pepsi sure is spending alot of money this year, none of the commercails are very remarkable, other than what its probably costing to run all of them.

7:39: Typical Pats, responding to Philly's score with two straight first downs. As Bill Simmons would no doubt remind us, they're the champs for a reason.

7:41: Kevin Faulk gets a first down and then Fox shows us a picture of him, WOW! He really needs to let it go and shave his head.

7:41: Fumble!!! Oh, probably not...ok, the replay says it is definitely not a fumble...sorry for the unneccessary use of the exclamation point.

7:43: Mmmmmm, Jagermeister. Drinking shots by yourself is completely healthy and normal right? No?

7:46: A textbook cutback run by Dillon where he eludes three Philly defenders and then carries Brian Dawkins for an extra 10 yards. By the way, Dillon was a 7 to 1 pick for MVP. Not that I'd ever gamble, but I heard that this might be a good bet.

7:47: Brady fumbles on bad exchange in the red zone and Philly recovers. Quite an "un-Brady like" moment and a potentially huge momentum shift.

7:49: The Eagles' offensive line has looked very solid thus far, quite impressive in the blocking actually.

7:50: Tinsley is whining to be let outside, and so are the crab cakes that I ate earlier, uhhh. Before you make fun of me for having a dog named after Jamal Tinsley, understand two things: (1) I love point guards (2) I'm an enormous dork. Now, proceed with mocking me.

7:51: Troy Aikman reveals that they rotate in a new ball for every snap of the Super Bowl...Jesus, that alot of damn footballs. I always assummed that they used alot of balls in the Super Bowl (a new one for each possession?) but certainly not a new one for every single play...seems a bit excessive to me.

7:53: Tinsley returns from his trip outside...I must say that, like his namesake, he is much improved this year. Of course, he still licks his own ass, so its all relative.

7:53: Daniel Graham makes his first catch. Things aren't looking so good on my projection of his grabbing a TD pass. Yep, I'm not so smart.

7:56: Two minute warning: Philly: 7- New England: 0

8:00: TOUCHDOWN! Brady to David Givens as Lito Sheppard just gave up on the play and allowed a touchdown on a pass that had no business being completed in the red zone.

8:04: Eugene Wilson is hurt, looks like it might be a break of some kind. If it is a game ending injury and if Andy Reid can get Donovan sobered up at halftime they should look to throw the ball deep more often in the second. Actually, I'd have already been looking throw the ball deep twice as much as normal against this secondary...but what do I know?

8:10: Halftime. I can't take the isolation any longer and am heading to my buddy Philly Phil's house for some more drinks and some second half revelry. Just a warning , the diary may be a little less extensive in the second half.

8:27: I walk in to Phil's house and am handed a shot of Jager almost on arrival, this could get ugly...and illegible.

8:31: 3rd down completion from Brady to Branch for over 30 yards. Philly is having alot of trouble covering Branch. Since no other receiver is doing dick, maybe the Eagles should consider shading the coverage towards Branch and forcing somebody else to make a play. Nevermind, I keep forgetting that I have no idea about football in comparison to anybody who's ever been on an NFL sideline.

At this point, I stopped writing down times because I didn't want to look like the biggest loser at the party. Of course, I know that I am but like to maintain my dignity around perfect know, for the sport of it. Here are my randon thoughts that I jotted down during the final 2 quarters:

-Dexter Reid is called for a block in the back, which begs the question: Has there ever, ever been a white kid named Dexter? I'm leaning heavily in the direction on "no".

-Jim Johnson looks alot like a child molester. What does a child molester look like you ask? Well...Jim Johnson.

-Heck of a catch by Mike Vrabel for a touchdown. A special thanks to Charlie Weis and Mike Vrabel for freezing out Daniel Graham in the red zone. Speaking of Vrabel, do you think that Andy Katzemoyer has Vrabel on his "assasination list"? neither...I'm sure Andy is very content with his life outside of football.

-Teddy Bruschi gets a pick on a real nice grab. At least one of my picks is working out for me. I'm currently on pace to only lose about $150 tonight.

- Early in the 4th McNabb is 22-37, thats too many passes for the Eagles. I know they like to throw the ball but you have to achive some kind of balance if you're gonna beat the Pats.

- The Eagles seem overly relaxed for a team down two scores. This is a horrible display of clock management. I bet Herm Edwards fires Paul Hacket over this.

-Touchdown: Greg Lewis, I have heard that he was nearly cut earlier this year because his attitude is such a cancer. You have to be an astoundingly awful guy for the Eagles to even consider cutting you from their wide receiver corps if you have any ability whatsoever.

-Fox shows a comparision between Belichick and Lombardi with stats and mugshots. One problem here: Lombardi's picture is in black & white...yeah, we get it...he coached a long time ago. Ted Turner can colorize "Gone with the Wind" but Fox has to use black & white photos of Vince Lombardi? Give me a break already.

-I'm betting Rush Limbaugh has a huge smile on his face right now...whether that is a result of the Oxycontin's he's been popping all game or McNabb's horrible play is anybody's guess.

-David Akers could be a big factor late, that is if Philly hadn't wasted a good two to three minutes huddling up after EVERY DAMN PLAY...awful display by an offensive oriented head coach.

-After a second pick, I think that Rodney Harrison is the MVP (of course, like everything else tonight, I'm wrong because they give the award to Deion Branch, not bad...could've gone eitehr way I guess).

-Comic Book Guy's real name: Jeff Albertson...I did not know that!

That's it. I'm bushed and could probably use a glass of water but since I can't find one, I'll have another Jager shot...they're basically the same anything anyway right? Right?

The Philly fans I watched the second half with didn't seem all that upset. Its almost like the horrible display of clock management allowed them all to cozy up to the idea of losing. Maybe that's why Andy Reid did that...its the only semi-rational reason I can think of. Anywho, a very good but not great Super Bowl. Better than most but not on par with some of the recent classics. I gotta go to bed because tommorrow marks the first of over 50 straight days of work for me and my colleagues. Major League Baseball Spring Training...its mind numbingly awful!!!

Coming soon...

SOOO busy in the office this morning plus my car has a I have to deal with that crap as well , which is perfect since I drank all night last night. With that being said, I DID do a running diary for the Super Bowl which I will post later on today once I get a little time...try and keep yourself occupied (how? I don't know...maybe do some work!) until I can get it up here.

Friday, February 04, 2005

I wish I could say that I was ditching work later today so that I can hit all the parties in Jacksonville but sadly I will be watching the Super Bowl from my regular locale. When the Super Bowl was in Tampa a few years back, I went to Tampa for the weekend. That was partially due to the fact that the city of Tampa moved up Gasparilla (think Mardi Grad on a much smaller scale) a week to coincide with the Super Bowl festivities. Of course, the only thing that Jacksonville has like that is the annual Florida-Georgia game aka The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Jacksonville isn't a bad city, but then again its not a great city either in fact, its tough to call Jacksonville a city at all because its so damn spread out and doesn't really have a large, true downtown. I've had some great times in Jacksonville but even I was shocked that they put a Super Bowl there.

Oh yeah, the Super Bowl: I can't say that I am anticipating this game as much I have been most of the more recent ones. There's really no storyline that I find overly compelling. T.O. isn't going to have much of an impact and the Patriots are already a dynasty as far as I'm concerned. The Eagles aren't the lovable losers that the Red Sox or Cubs were/are, partially because their fans are such awful pieces of crap and partially because the team hasn't been mired in a lull of losing for 80+ years.

Neither the Eagles nor Patriots excite me much so I'm really just hoping for a good offensive game and that maybe T.O. will score his 15th touchdown follwed by Andy Reid ripping off his pants to reveal the much talked about tights he promised to wear. If that doesn't happen, then I'm hoping that Rodney Harrison breaks Todd Pinkston in half like a no. 2 pencil. I don't have anything against Mrs. Pinkston but I think that would at least get people off her back for always being such a gaping vag when she goes over the middle.

With that said, here are a couple of crappy and worthless (unless you're in Vegas) predictions for the game:

-Daniel Graham will catch a TD pass.

-Brian Westbrook catches at least 7 passes, 3 of which will come when he's lined up at WR.

-Freddie Mitchell will act like a complete and utter asshole during the pre-game introductions.

-Teddy Bruschi will pick off a Donovan McNabb pass in the first half.

-Vinatieri misses a FG of under 50 yards.

- Jevon Kearse goes sackless.

-We get at least 10 shots of Donovan McNabb's mother in her luxury box.

So there it is, I'll check back on Monday and we'll see if I get even one of these predictions right. I'll also be back at some point this weekend to make an official prediciton on the outcome of the game itself (I know, a very novel idea)...though I probably won't take any blame and/or credit for the pick as my alcoholism gets very offended when I don't give it enough credit for its infinite wisdom.

That's it...

I promise to stop forgetting to title my posts, no really. I used to do this same thing for my five paragraph thesis controlled essays during my junior year of high school...then again, I also used to ride around in my friend's smoke (cigarettes, I swear) filled Honda Civic for approximately 30 minutes before school every day that year as well. That was a good enough excuse then...I don't even have one now, well other than the fact that I'm operating at about 35% capacity due to my fabled seven years of college. Anyway, at the risk of being derivative (too late for that), I'm going to be keeping a running diary for the Super Bowl. I can't promise that it will be the most insightful thing you've ever read, probably alot more like sitting next to a drunk junior high gym teacher during happy hour on a tuesday, but this is my first crack at one of these so we'll see how it, just go ahead and get off the edge of that seat.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

All by MYSELF....

I can't be the only person out there who thinks that maybe Rudy T stepping down has something to do with the bottle, can I? As you may know, I have a long and passionate love affair with the sauce so, naturally that was the first thing that popped into my head when I heard that he may be retiring again, that and how good a beer would taste, but thats another subject altogether.

Then yesterday during his press conference Rudy made a cryptic comment about "slipping deeper and deeper" into bad health. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that comment just sounded like something from Behind the know, like when the commentator would preview what was coming up after the commercail with phrases like "with Nikki Six slipping deeper and deeper into the grips of cocaine addiction..."

I'm just saying that it all seems to have happened very quickly to be purely health related. Maybe Rudy fell of the wagon and that was contributing to his decline in health. Maybe the idea of coaching the team that basically ended his career (see: Kermit Washington) and the memories that came with it were too much for him to take and he retreated to comforts of his old friend Johnnie Walker? Remember, nobody really knew that Rudy T had such a problem with the booze until after his first retirement due to cancer treatments...he's obviously well versed in hiding this type of thing from people, is it that farfetched to believe he's not doing the same thing all over again?
As I was leaving my office for lunch today I saw a blind man with his seeing eye dog, upon my return I saw this same duo as the man was letting his dog use the bathroom just outside my office. Of course this sparked the question, how does a blind guy know that his dog has to use the bathroom? Is the dog trained to make a special noise that alerts it's blind owner of the impending transaction? Does the blind owner use their elevated sense of smell to detect when the dog has a build up of piss and or feces? Yeah...these are the kind of questions that run through my head during the course of a typical day...sad, I know.

National Signing Day was yesterday and Urban Meyer pulled in quite nice little class for the University of Florida while filling pretty much all of the pressing needs. Meyer was at a disadvantage because he isn't a natural southerner (big in recruiting for the SEC) and didn't really start recruiting until early January, yet he pulled in a top ten class which is unheard of for a coach who comes in during December or January. One thing that I particularly liked was that Meyer didn't use of all his available scholarships by reaching for some guys who weren't really Florida caliber players. Zook had a similar situation when he took over for Spurrier and ended up reaching on about 5-6 guys who probably shouldn't have gotten scholarships to Florida, thus limiting Zook's ability to go after some guys the following year. Meyer will have over 25 ships available next year when he's had a full year to establish contacts within the state, as well as show off his program to kids all over the south. Oh yeah, next year is also shaping up as one of the best years (in terms of overall prospects) that the state of Florida has seen in about five years. I'm excited already.

I'd have to say my favorite player from this class was Jon Demps, a four star linebacker from Pensacola who spurned FSU to attend Florida even though he had been a lifelong FSU fan and was considered a "lock" to attend that shithole in Tallahassee. If that isn't enough, just check out the suit he was wearing at his press conference yesterday: If he's doesn't pan out, at least he has a job working with Michael Irvin and Tom Jackson on Monday Night Countdown.

JJ Reddick will probably never play in the NBA but he has really improved his all-around game this year. I'm not ready to call him and All-American like Dick Vitale was doing last night because he's not even the most dominant player on his team (Shelden Williams is, and you could make a pretty strong case for Daniel Ewing being more vital to Duke's success) but it is nice to see a player improve his game each summer and come back with a larger skill set as well as understanding of the game. One thing, was Reddick that out of shape that he could've lost 25 lbs this past summer? I don't remember seeing him with a fully developed beer gut last year...but, then again I was very busy last year.

Dwyane Wade and Lebron go head-to-head tonight in what should be a very exciting (individual) matchup. I don't want to jinx either of them, as it seems that anytime I talk up a basketball related topic the subject of my rants gets hurt or has a horrible game. With that being saud, I am beside myself with excitement over this game. In my opinion, Lebron is currently the best all-court player in the NBA and, personally Dwyane Wade is my favoriter player to watch in all of the league right now. Between those two and seven or eight beers, it should be a heck of a night at the Hughes compound in Sherwood Forest.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I did NOT know that....

Consider that my Johnny Carson tribute or, more appropriately, my Ed McMahon actuality it is my tribute to Phil Hartman's impression of Ed McMahon, so it really has nothing to do with Johnny. Oh well, I tried...sort of..."YES, too drunk to be scared, sir."

Speaking of Phil Hartman, has anybody put out a DVD box set of any of the Newsradio seasons yet? I guess I could just go look it up on the net, but I'd rather ask questions to the legions of people (see: 5-7) who read my blog so religously and let them answer the questions for me. I really loved that show and always felt like it was vastly underrated, so you can imagine my joy when it popped up on VH1's "I Love the 90's: Part Deux"...Scott Ian from Anthrax commented that he thought that Newsradio never really caught on because it was too smart for most people. I'd have to agree with that. Then again, I feel the same way about me.

Usually, you don't learn one single piece of useful information during the week leading up to the Super Bowl but apparently, this year is the exception. Case in point: Deion Branch originally committed to the University of Florida out of high school in Albany, Ga only to see his grades fall and, therefore, not be academically eligible to enroll at Florida. Obviously, this didn't hurt Deion's career, but I couldn't help but wonder how he would've looked catching bubble screens and running through wide open spaces in the secondary while playing for Steve Spurrier...I'm betting that he would've done just fine for himself and probably would've ended up as a more lethal version of Jacquez Green....don't forget that Green was a first team All-American as a junior at Florida.

Rodney Harrison now has amassed over $350,000 in fines during his NFL that's a stat to tell your grandkids about.

There was an outstanding article about Jack Youngblood on yesterday by Peter King. You can find it here:

For those of you who think that Terrell Owne's comeback is amazing, take 10 minutes out of your day and read will give you a whole new perspective and level of respect for the NFL players of yesterday.