Friday, February 15, 2008

Third times a charm...

Once again, the eyes of the world, er, south have turned to Daytona for the annual running of the Daytona 500. And, once again despite the fact that I live and grew up a mere hour away, I could not give a flying fuck. Honestly, I've never been able to understand the fascination with any form of car racing, much less NASCAR. Its all so monotonous same and there are absolutely no athletes involved in this "sport". I mean, have you seen Tony Stewart lately? He looks like Carl from ATHF with a rug on his head. I remember flying back from San Diego this time last year and stopping to grab a beer during my layover in Atlanta. As I approached the nearest bar, there were people stacked three rows outside of the bar just standing and watching TV. I thought to myself, did the President get shot or something? (Not true, I thought to myself, "Fuck me, there's no way I'm getting a beer."). Shortly thereafter, I realized that the crowd was gathered to watch the late stages of the 500. That's how blissfully out of touch I am with NASCAR, I had no idea the supposed Super Bowl of Motor Sports was even on until I stumbled across this stunning array of slack jawed observers. Anyway, fuck NASCAR, fuck the Daytona 500 and while I'm at it, fuck Brad Daughtery. Even as a child I knew you were soft.

However, I wouldn't want you to leave these parts thinking I'm completely un-southern. Because, well, some shit did sink in over the years, and my youthful love of professional wrestling was certainly the first and most disturbing alarm bell that rang in my parents' brains. So, because I was told that good things come in threes once by a bum I handed two dollars to, here's some WWF goodness to chase down those shots of the Naitch.

Koko B. Ware was right, you see, love can feel like a piledriver. Hell, just ask those poor saps who had their marriage proposals shot down last night. (Happened to my Dad back in '69...My Mom can be a real bitch sometimes. True story). Preach on, Koko, preach on...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I can't help that I'm custom made...

I have absolutely no interest in the congressional hearings that were conducted earlier today on Capitol Hill. In fact, I care so little that I willingly chose to watch First Take on ESPN2 rather than be subjected to that pointless shitshow (Choosing to listen/watch to Skip Bayless over something else is the ultimate indictment in my eyes). Basically, short of Clemens pulling a Col. Jessup, there was no way that anything definitive was going to spring forth from today's proceedings. It's a waste of time and I'm pretty good at wasting time all by myself, thank you very much.

I don't believe Clemens and I doubt I ever will, but that doesn't make him any different than hundreds (yes, hundreds) of other baseball players who ingested illegal drugs in order to gain a competitive advantage. Sorry, I just can't get too excited or interested in this, no matter how long it drags on. Now, these Ric Flair videos by Poodleface, well, that's something I think we all can endorse. Democrats, Republicans, midgets, hookers, midget hookers.

I just blew your mind for a second there didn't I? My bad, just sit back and late Naitch soothe your frayed nerves...

(Extra special shout to Arn Anderson for his appearance in the beginning of this video, the greatest wrestler ever to look like your next door neighbor/mechanical engineer)

Monday, February 11, 2008


Most people probably aren't aware that I wouldn't be the man I am today if it wasn't for Ric Flair. When I was young, impressionable and alone on many Saturday mornings the only thing worth watching on TV was often NWA Wrestling on TBS. Growing up in the South, TBS was a ubiquitous cable television presence and NWA Wrestling was one of its highest rated programs. At least partially because, it's a really nice show to watch while you drink light beer before you switch to liquor for the NASCAR race/College Football game. Anywho, Ric Flair was undoubtedly the star of the early years of NWA Wrestling and, frankly, after listening to his delivery in this video, well, lets just say I'm not surprised.

If that weren't enough, the Nature Boy is also an unabashed Gator fan who was often on the sidelines during the Spurrier Era. So, imagine my complete an utter joy when I stumbled across this video on EDSBS. It's pretty much the most amazing thing I've seen since my last illegitimate child's birth. But I only saw that on a shitty camera phone so this probably rates higher. I'll just leave you with the video while I try to figure out how to get this thing on my iPod.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Ogling High School Seniors is a Billion dollar industry...

As most of you are aware, yesterday was National Signing Day for College Football. Its become fashionable for people to say that they find the obsession with the collegiate destinations of high school athletes seedy and despicable, and while that's true, if you truly give a damn about your college's football future then you'd better be paying attention to NSD. As Ron Zook was/is fond of saying, "Its more about the Jesse and Joe's than the X's and O's". While this is a convenient excuse for a coach my roomates and I once dubbed Towlie (I have no idea what's going on) it's also quite true. You can be Bill Walsh himself, but if you have a roster stocked with 2 & 3 star recruits it's highly unlikely you'll be participating in any BCS Bowls on a regular basis. So, with that said, I'm going to go through some of the more notable events from NSD in bullet point fashion.

- Urban Meyer is a recruiting machine. It's true. He recruits earlier and harder than nearly every coach in the nation. His Friday Night Lights event at Florida transformed the way major programs evaluate juniors early on and has spawned numerous imitations throughout the country. A result of this is that Florida has often wrapped up nearly all of its class prior to NSD. This is a far cry from the days of Zook where it seemed half the recruits on Florida's board were still up in the air when the sun rose on NSD. Furthermore, Meyer's staff has continually rolled up top 5 classes during his tenure in Gainesville. After consecutive top 2 finishes each of the last two years, Florida fell to 3 or 4 this year. That's not an indictment on the class as much as it is a commentary on how class size affects rankings. Florida only had 22 scholarships available this year, as opposed to schools like Alabama, who signed 35 total players yesterday. The Florida recruit I'm most excited about? Glad you asked, its 6'1, 315 lb DT Omar Hunter from Buford, GA. He's the #1 or 2 DT in the nation depending on who you ask and also happens to be the second blue chip D-Line prospect that Meyer has stolen from Notre Dame in as many years. For the full list of Florida signees, click here.

- Randy Shannon has laid claim on South Florida. Of the many gripes that Cane fans had about Larry Coker, chief among them was his inability to lock down the nation's most fertile recruiting territory, Dade and Broward Counties. That was one of the major reasons why Miami hired Shannon. He's from Miami, he's black and he's recruited the area for years. Shannon pulled in nearly every recruit he targeted in South Florida this year, including every single prospect off National Champion Miami Northwestern. Expect to see as many as 10 of his 2008 recruits on the field and contributing next season. One thing to keep in mind about this class though: Miami signed 7, yes 7 linebackers in this class. Recruiting is about talent, but its also about filling needs. Unless Shannon's cooking up a heretofore yet unseen defensive alignment for Miami, this could prove to be a problem in the future.

- Pete Carroll laughs at every other coach in the nation. He's the best at recruiting. It's that simple. People may see that USC isn't perched atop the rankings like each of the past five seasons and wonder why. Thats simple, USC only had 15 scholarships available. Yet, even with such a small number, Carroll and the Trojans still managed to grab enough talent to sneak into the top 10 by grabbing blue chippers from all over the map, including pulling the nation's #2 ranked corner, TJ Bryant, out of Tallahassee Lincoln which has always been an FSU pipeline.

- Get ready to hate Nick Saban even more than you thought was possible. Saban followed up his disappointing debut in Tuscaloosa with the best recruiting class that the Crimson Tide has seen in a decade. That's easier to do when you don't need sleep like the other mortals who lead SEC programs. The state of Alabama was loaded with high school talent this year, more than anytime in recent memory and Saban got nearly all of them to stay home (save for William Green) and commit to Bama, including everybody's #1 receiver Julio Jones. I wouldn't expect this to be a one time occurrence. Saban brought LSU back to prominence by recruiting the ever living shit out of the South and there's absolutely no reason to believe this won't happen at Bama.

- Tommy Bowden has discovered a magic recruiting potion. You know what its called? Christianity. Seriously, Clemson...fucking Clemson pulled in the nation's #2 recruiting class despite the fact that Bowden's teams are an inconsistent, underperforming mess nearly each year. You know how he's done this? By using the same strategy that George W. Bush used to get reelected 4 years ago. When in doubt, stress you strict adherence to and belief in the good book. With people seemingly more beholden to their love of Jeebus with each passing year (especially in the South), Bowden has used this formula to convince loads of parents that their children are better off under his watchful Christian eye than anywhere else. (Who cares if CJ Spiller has been criminally under utilized during his tenure in Clemson). This sort of thing isn't new to the Bowden family, just tweaked a little to fit the our times. If you think I'm fucking around here, just read the quotes from Tiger recruits about why they chose Clemson.

- Fat Phil is running out of time...I mean you can virtually hear the clock ticking. Tennessee was once the SEC recruiting juggernaut and that allowed Fulmer and his staff to survive through what was often average coaching and downright negligent player discipline issues. However, times have changed in the SEC. The arrival of Mark Richt in Athens signaled the end of the Vols' annual pilfering of the state of Georgia and things have only gotten worse since then. The SEC is busting with high level recruiters (Meyer, Miles, Saban, Richt and more) and Tennessee has not enjoyed a run of tremendous on field success lately. That, with a return to the long honored Tennessee tradition of off-season malfeasance (UT players were arrested on two separate occasions while hosting recruits this year) and finally, the loss of ace recruiter Trooper Taylor to Oklahoma State resulted in a truly awful class for the Vols. Another poor SEC season with a couple embarrassing losses like this past year might signal the end of Fulmer's run in Knoxville. (Knoxville area Krispy Kreme owners are reaching for Xanax as you read this)

- The SEC is better than every other conference because it recruits better than every other conference. Don't believe me? Just take a look at the various top ten recruiting lists from Rivals, Scout and ESPN. They all feature at least 4 SEC teams, and often times 3 of those are included in the top 5. Jesse's & Joe's...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Finally...Greg has returned to the Dean Dome!!

That's right, I'm back baby. I've thought about coming back on a couple of other occassions, but I relented because I felt like my last post should stay up for awhile as a testament to my unbelievable stupidity (Seriously, how could I have chosen Ohio State just a year after they were throttled by MY Florida Gators?). Actually, its because I've been somewhat busy and I no longer work in an office (read: I've got better things to do with free time than sit in front of a computer writing this drivel), so there's another excuse to put on file for my chronic absenteeism. Anyway, since today is National Signing Day (post coming tomorrow...I swear) and tonight brings us Duke-UNC, I figured there was no better time for me to jump headfirst back into the deep end of blogging pool.

Everybody who follows college basketball loves to watch UNC & Duke battle, even if its only to root against one of the traditionally excellent and annoying bluebloods. However, this game has always been a little more special to me than most fans. I was a diehard Duke fan growing up (blame Quin Snyder and later Bobby Hurley) and always looked forward to it as if it were a Final Four or NBA Playoff game. In fact, one of the worst sports-related memories of my childhood is missing the Jeff Capel game because my mother didn't want to wake her sick son to watch what my Dad informed her would "probably be a blowout". Even though Duke lost that night, finding out I had missed such a historic game was a tough pill to swallow for a kid who was so in love with college basketball as well as the Blue Devils.

Surprisingly, I do not hate the Tarheels (growing up in Florida will do that). I actually quite liked the program prior to the arrival of Roy "I could give a shit about North Carolina" Williams and even attended basketball camp there in 9th grade with our compatriot Gregory F. Halderbroogle.

And that's where this story takes a twist, while the media is trumpeting the return of Dick Vitale this evening, the real story is the return of Greg to the Dean Dome for this historic rivalry. Sure, Greg's a little older, a little slower, alot more of a drunk and has virtually no jumpshot left to speak of but his return is sure to bring out the Carolina great tonight. You know, guys like Henrik Rodl, Kevin Salvadori and Scott Cherry. Oh yeah, they'll all be there. With a cast like that, how could this night not be magical?

I'll be here all night live blogging in the comments and hoping for some postgame reports from the Treehouse via Mr. Halderbroogle. See you around 9.