Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Pour out a little liquor...





For former WWE Champion Eddie "don't call me Pedro" Guerrero, who died in his sleep in a Minneapolis hotel room on Sunday night. First comedian Mitch Hedberg dies in a Minneapolis hotel room late last year and now Latino Heat bites the dust. The moral of the story is, of course, never sleep in a Minneapolis hotel room. I don't care if you have to stay up all night doing blow with Kent Hrbek and Jimmy Jam, just don't go to sleep in those Minneapolis hotel rooms. It's like playing russian roulette except it involves slumber and a hotel room instead of bullets and a gun...other than that, it's exaclty the same.

I actually tuned in to a little bit of RAW last night in an effort to see some of the hearfelt tributes to Eddie by his comrades in the WWE. Not because I was a big Guerrero fan (Rey Mysterio Jr. was always my favorite Mexican wrestler) but more because I think it's hilarious watching 300 lb. steroid ingesting gorillas try and adequately express themsleves in any emotion that doesn't involve rage or utter insanity. Now, I don't mean to be an insensitve jerk or anything (it just comes so natural to me though) but last night's episode of RAW could have been the basis for the greatest drinking game of all time.

Here's how it works: You wait until they cut to a taped tribute to Eddie from one of the other WWE stars. Then every time that one of these wrestlers says "uh" or "um" during their time, you have to drink. If you had been playing this game last night you would've gone through at least a double deuce during Triple H's tribute to Guerrero alone.

By the way, Triple H was either extremely fond of Latino Heat or he put on the greatest performance by a wrestler/actor since Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride (my apologies go to Hulk Hogan for his star turn in Suburban Commando...close but no cigar). Either way, the water works were flowing for Mr. Helmsley last night.

Since you've already got the cold 40 out, you might want to let a little hit the ground for Donovan McNabb. Not only did he throw the most devastating pick of his career late last night (or early this morning) but he also managed to get absolutely trucked while trying to stop Roy Williams from scoring on the ensuing return. I'd be amazed if this guy can even walk today after the beating that he's taken this year.


One last random thought: Of all the names that have been made up over the last twenty to thirty years (and that's quite a large number), none have stood the test of time quite like Jarvis. Jarvis is most certainly NOT a real name. However, it has worked it's way into the American culture for so long now that most people who read/hear the name Jarvis never even bat an eye. This makes me wonder which of the seemingly ridiculous names that we hear these days will have become commonplace by the time I'm wearing a pair of Oops! I crapped my pants. D'Vontrey? LenDale? Demarco? NaDerris? Aleric? Jamarcus/J'Marcus?

Yes. These are all real names, most of which belong to some of the nation's top football recruits. In case you were wondering, I'm planning on naming my first son Ovington. Well, either that or Beasley...after none other the man, the myth, the legend himself, Beasley Reece.

4 comments:

Mark said...

Mitch Hedberg was probably my favorite comedian during the last couple of years. I actually did a post on him right after he died. His humor was great and universal, while still being heavily dependent on tone and timing.

That fight scene will being staying on my Tivo for quite some time.

CFunk28 said...

Beasley Reece was always my favorite 2nd string NFL commentator. Hell, he's better than Jim Nantz.

You left out one ridiculous name; JameSon. Awesome, and original.

Mark said...

Good call on that name, but isn't it JamesOn? Just making sure you're always striving to be the best over here Calvin.

CFunk28 said...

You're right, it is JamesOn. A made up name none the less.