Fearless Predictions Pt. 2

I didn't roll out of bed until almost 11:30 this morning due to the combination of staying up for last night's game and the fact that I didn't have to be at work until 1 in the afternoon. Unfortunately for me, I WILL have to be at work until 9 this evening. Which, in case you were wondering, is exaclty the way that I like to kickoff the weekend. Whatever, at least I'm not working during tommorrow's fantastic slate of college football games or for the real beginning of the NFL season on Sunday. Can't you just feel the electricity in the air? I know that I can. As an aside, what's the over/under on that phrase being delivered by an announcer this weekend 150? 175? Yeah, I'm probably shooting a little low with that number. I'll try and write a few quick thoughts on tommorrow's mathcups at some point during the Notre Dame- Michigan matchup (or as I like to call it, "The Battle of the two most annoying fan bases in Collegiate athletics) early in the afternoon. As for the second half of my NFL predictions, this will have just have to do because, well...I have work to do.

- Kevin Jones will rush for enough yards (1300ish) that he'll get his own Eastern Motors commercial this coming off-season.

- Ciatrick Fason will be the stating tailback for the Vikings by season's end.

- Corey Simon will have a HUGE year inside for the Colts defense, which will free up Dwight Freeney to once again lead the NFL in sacks. Sadly, the Colts defense will still be soft and crappy.

- Koren Robinson will move into the starting lineup for the Vikings by mid-season (He only has to unseat Travis Taylor for Christ's sake.) Koren will celebrate this by getting so drunk that he passes out on Mike Tice's lawn one Tuesday morning shortly thereafter.

- Jason Witten will singlehandedly save unsuspecting fantasy owners all over the country as he becomes the modern day white version of Ben "Technicolor Dream" Coates. I'll admit, half the reason I added that was so I could use Berman's nickname (1 of 2) for Ben Coates. Berman's schtick gets old (for sure) but a classic is a classic.

- Monty Beisel will lose his starting linebacker job with the Pats because...he's Monty effin Beisel. How is it that nobody has talked about the Pats repalcingTedy Bruschi with an also ran linebacker who couldn't even standout on the Chiefs? The Chiefs? I know the Pats have made some great personnel moves of late but you can't just give them a free pass on everything, can you?

- Willis McGahee will have at least three 200 yard rushing games, even with the J.P. Losman Band playing behind center all year. How does he not get more pub? What a beast. He's faster than Clinton Portis and about twice his size. I'm telling you, if he had a halfway adequate QB (we're talking early Bengals Jeff Blake level here) he'd rush for 2,000+ this year.

- Tiki Barber singlehandedly kills fantasy teams all over the country by rushing for less than 4 TDs all year. He even said as much when he was on PTI a couple of weeks ago. It's probably not a good idea to draft a back who's going to get less than 10 carries inside the five all year. Of course, all of this means that Brandon Jacobs will be this year's version of the 2004 Jerome Bettis. Nor real production, good to great fantasy numbers.

- Drew Bennett will become the most prolific white receiver since...Steve Largent. I didn't want to be so hyperbolic there but can you think of any other white receiver who could seriously be described as "prolific"? I'm open to suggestions on this one.

- Charlie Frye will start at least two games for the Cleveland Browns this year, after William Green's girlfriend stabs Trent Dilfer in the bald spot. Okay, I added in that last part just to make sure you were paying attention. Plus, who doesn't love a good stabbing joke? Anyone, anyone? Bueller?

- Ashley Lelie will make the Pro Bowl. Somebody's gonna have to make all those catches in Denver. Who else is there? Ed McCaffrey is dead, Rod Smith has Alzheimer's and Darius Watts is still way too raw to be anything other than a third receiver.

Alright, I'm spent. We'll take a look at these predictions midway thru the season to see if I'm even batting above the Mendoza Line (doubtful) at that point. Until then remember to tip your waitresses, those hoes gotta eat too.