It's been a couple of days but I've been busy... actually I have only been drinking. This weekend took a quite bit out of me between the Gators imploding to Texas, who was probably the better team, and all the damn alcohol. Sake was the culprit on Friday night. Of course, I went right back to Jager on Saturday night. All I know is that I was still wiped this morning when I woke up. Anyway, it's getting a little late so I'm just going to cut to the chase. I may only write one more time this week (if that) as my friend Vitas and I are flying up to D.C. to visit our friend Hildebrand on Wednesday night. Who, by the way, probably isn't even going to be in town until Thursday. I'm not too worried about that though. If there's one thing that I know about myself it's that I can get shitcanned in just about any environment. So in the spirit of wrapping this thing the fuck up, I'll leave you with some obseravations from the weekend.
- Danny Ferry and Rex Chapman both just got GM jobs in the NBA. Huh? I can see Danny Ferry. Duke educated. Basketball Family. Some front office experience. But Rex Chapman? They really are just giving away GM jobs now. Don't get me wrong, He was a nice player but I don't remember anybody ever talking about Rex's mind for the game. He went to school for two years...at Kentucky. Not Tubby Smith Kentucky either. This has brain typing written all over it.
- I know that Sports Guy already said that NBA Rookies was good. It is, but that's beside the point. As the show was coming back to a commercial tonight, they showed a clip of Shaq on the Laker team bus. It was around the time the Kings and Lakers were big rivals. You could tell because Shaq was singing a song to Vlade Divac and the Kings to his phone's ringtone, which was playing the theme from Cheers. It was pretty damn funny and just the reason why most everybody loves Shaq. But the best part of the whole clip was a freshly stoned Jelani McCoy sitting in the seat in front of Shaq with his eyes as slanted as a $20 nail tech. Really, you should watch.
- Last night, I was flipping around for something to watch and landed on the end of some show called "The Greatest American". It was on Discovery and seemed like it had gone on for a few weeks. This, however, was the final show and the final five minutes. As Brit Hume proceeded to unveil the Top 5, I leaned in with interest.
Now, I realize that this sort of thing is inherently debatable and flawed. Consider that my disclaimer. The top 5 were as follows: (5) Thomas Jefferson (4) George Washington (3) Martin Luther King, Jr. (2) Abraham Lincoln (1) Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan? RONALD REAGAN? That can't be right...can it?
I will not purport to be a political expert but I do know that the man fell asleep in cabinet meetings. He was a fair President and did alot of good things. He also made some awful decisions that America is still feelings the effects of today. Of ALL the Americans to choose from he's number one? I need a drink.
- (Singing) Draft! Oh baby it's the draft. You know I love the Draft...alright that's enough. I really do love the Draft though. Everything except for watching the Magic blow it every year. That's why last year was a refreshing scenario. But seriously...Brooks Thompson, Johnny Taylor, Brian Evans, Jerryl Fucking Sasser...and don't forget Geert Hammink. Who you're asking? He was big, Dutch , and he played center at LSU after Shaq. He wasn't Shaq. Oh yeah, back to this year's draft. Here are a few of my thoughts:
The Lakers will move into the Top 5. I bet Phil Jackson has a knife to Jeannie Buss' throat demanding it as I write this.
I'm not sold on Joey Graham at all. He's athletic but he doesn't handle it that well and has limited range.
I hope the Magic don't draft Sean May. It's not just that I have my doubts about him (I do). It's more that he plays the same position as Dwight Howard. I guess that Howard may grow into a center, though I don't think so. Either way, it shouldn't matter because he doesn't want to play center. He's said so a number of times. The Magic drive me crazy.
(intercom) Julius Hodge...Julius Hodge, Jerryl Sasser is on calling you on the courtesy phone.
Every time that a TV Network runs the story about Chris Paul scoring 61 points for his dead grandfather in high school they should have to immediately follow the piece with a clip of Paul punching Julius Hodge in the nuts.
I think that's it for the Draft but I do plan on keeping a loose diary of sorts during tommorrow's action. I gotta say though...I still miss TNT doing the Draft.
Finally, a friend of mine named Chad dumped his girlfriend...while on vacation...in Alaska. That is cold blooded. He's definitely my new hero.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Is it Thursday yet?
I watched most of the first half but I was eating dinner and walking the dog so I didn't feel like doing too much . As the game wore on though, I missed all of you guys (two people can be "you guys"...right?). So without further delay, here's a bunch of random shit.
-The dude from the Best Buy commercial is a liar. He said that I could control the Black eyed Peas with "the push of a button". Well I've pushed plenty of buttons and I still can't get them to die. That's all I want. Just to wipe the Black Eyed Peas off the face of the earth. Would anybody really miss them?
- Ginobili and Parker are driving at will on the Pistons. Detroit is playing pretty damn well on offense so far (mid-3rd) but they are allowing a ton of penetration.
- I'm not really certain what happened but I turned back to the season permier of The Real World and saw the black guy verbally sparring withone of the drunk girls in the house. Meanwhile, one of the dudes evidently got drilled in the face and is laying on his bed. The Army nurse girl decides he needs to go to the emergency room and the doctor ends up diagnosing him with a fractured cheekbone. The doctor follows up with this diagnosis, "This is serious. People go blind from this." Thanks, Doc. What in the name of Eric Nies did I miss here? On the second effin' night in town? I gotta get Tivo.
-71-67 at the end of 3. At the risk of sounding like Al Michaels...for a series that was nearly unwatchable for the first four games, these last seven quarters have really made this series a compelling sports event. This is no small task for a Pistons-Spurs Finals in today's NBA. Want more prooof? Remember the Spurs-Pistons Finals? The Nets had Kidd and he is far more exciting to watch than anybody on the Pistons.
Personally, I'd rather have this than any of Jordan's Finals. Jordan had some absolutely amazing performances. I'm not denying that, in fact that's just the reason that I couldn't ever REALLY get excited for the Finals when he was ruling the NBA. No matter what, you always knew that Jordan would will his team to victory. There was no real drama, I guess. I still think the Spurs will win this series and always have but Sunday night's Game and tonight's game are the type of competitive, back and forth games that made me love the NBA. By the way (and I'm not making this up) just now ABC showed a "Great NBA Finals Moment". What did they choose? Jordan's shot over Bryon Russell and Utah to win his sixth championship. Way to dig deep their guys.
- It's sounds to me like Hubie is just kind of pulling for the Pistons.
- I'll say it...Bruce Bowen is kind of an asshole. He's definitely the guy who would undercut you in a pickup game.
- "Masterpiece" is definitely the first word that came to mind when I saw the trailer for "Land of the Dead".
- AMAZING block by Ben Wallace on Ginobili.
- Hubie just called Chauncey Billups "absolute death" on the foul line.
- Rasheed Wallace had the look of a man packing it in midway through the third. Then he had the best all around fourth quarter of any body on the floor.
- Game Seven.
- I just read that Shavlik Randolph decided to stay in the NBA Draft. Yeah, that sounds about right.
-The dude from the Best Buy commercial is a liar. He said that I could control the Black eyed Peas with "the push of a button". Well I've pushed plenty of buttons and I still can't get them to die. That's all I want. Just to wipe the Black Eyed Peas off the face of the earth. Would anybody really miss them?
- Ginobili and Parker are driving at will on the Pistons. Detroit is playing pretty damn well on offense so far (mid-3rd) but they are allowing a ton of penetration.
- I'm not really certain what happened but I turned back to the season permier of The Real World and saw the black guy verbally sparring withone of the drunk girls in the house. Meanwhile, one of the dudes evidently got drilled in the face and is laying on his bed. The Army nurse girl decides he needs to go to the emergency room and the doctor ends up diagnosing him with a fractured cheekbone. The doctor follows up with this diagnosis, "This is serious. People go blind from this." Thanks, Doc. What in the name of Eric Nies did I miss here? On the second effin' night in town? I gotta get Tivo.
-71-67 at the end of 3. At the risk of sounding like Al Michaels...for a series that was nearly unwatchable for the first four games, these last seven quarters have really made this series a compelling sports event. This is no small task for a Pistons-Spurs Finals in today's NBA. Want more prooof? Remember the Spurs-Pistons Finals? The Nets had Kidd and he is far more exciting to watch than anybody on the Pistons.
Personally, I'd rather have this than any of Jordan's Finals. Jordan had some absolutely amazing performances. I'm not denying that, in fact that's just the reason that I couldn't ever REALLY get excited for the Finals when he was ruling the NBA. No matter what, you always knew that Jordan would will his team to victory. There was no real drama, I guess. I still think the Spurs will win this series and always have but Sunday night's Game and tonight's game are the type of competitive, back and forth games that made me love the NBA. By the way (and I'm not making this up) just now ABC showed a "Great NBA Finals Moment". What did they choose? Jordan's shot over Bryon Russell and Utah to win his sixth championship. Way to dig deep their guys.
- It's sounds to me like Hubie is just kind of pulling for the Pistons.
- I'll say it...Bruce Bowen is kind of an asshole. He's definitely the guy who would undercut you in a pickup game.
- "Masterpiece" is definitely the first word that came to mind when I saw the trailer for "Land of the Dead".
- AMAZING block by Ben Wallace on Ginobili.
- Hubie just called Chauncey Billups "absolute death" on the foul line.
- Rasheed Wallace had the look of a man packing it in midway through the third. Then he had the best all around fourth quarter of any body on the floor.
- Game Seven.
- I just read that Shavlik Randolph decided to stay in the NBA Draft. Yeah, that sounds about right.
Monday, June 20, 2005
?????????????????
Why? Why in God's name would you trap with Robert Horry's man in a late game situation when you're up by two? That's the most ludicrous decision I can possibly imagine in that situation. For Christ's sake, Hubie has told us at least 33 times tonight that his nickname is "Big Shot Bob". Even if he was zero for nine you can't leave that man open in that situation To say nothing for the fact that he had taken over the game (offensively) for most of the fourth quarter. Absolutely amazing. The Pistons had no business losing this game like that.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
"You can feel in it here tonight, Al."
Was Hubie talking about his pants? I've heard he makes Marv Albert look like A.C. Green. Anyway, I'm giving it a shot with some running commentary. Not exactly a diary, but random comments throughout the evening. Check the comments section for the rest. It's 6-4 Detroit up.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
You know...the Nazi's hated the internet too.
Apologies are definitely in order, as I've been quite the deadbeat as of late. I can't seem to get any real flow to my writings going. I'll write for two days and then be gone for four, write for three days and then take two off.
The problem is that the Nazi's at my new job don't allow internet access for anything other "business related research". Oh yeah, you read that correctly, I said new job. I quit the landscaping company a couple of weeks back and promptly took a solid two week vacation which consisted of me doing absolutely nothing besides the occasional afternoon nap. Of course, the money wasn't going to last forever. Eventually, I had to go out and find another job. I was able to secure a job at a local lending institution where I deal primarily in loans while dabbling in some mortgages as well.
Am I schooled in any way for a job like this? Absolutely not. Do I have a firm grasp of what my day-to-day responsiblities are? Hell no. Did I manage to get yet another raise by switching jobs for the third time this summer? You bet your ass I did. To be frank, I can't say that I see myself at this new job for more than a few months but it's paying the bills and giving me my weekends to conduct steel cage matches agaisnt my liver so I can't really complain...yet.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my writing routine will be, so I ask that you bear with me for the time being. I'll get settled in and (hopefully) get back to posting four-five days a week. Despite all of this, I've still been thinking of all of you and have jotted down a few notes in these past few days. Here we go:
- I feel like an ape when I eat bananas. Not the entire time that I'm eating them mind you. It's mostly when I'm trying to peel the banana and when I go in for the bite (ngs).
- I really like that one Post Office commercial. The one with the girl who keeps getting more and more packages to take to the Post Office. It isn't really the commercial that I like as much as it is the one Middle Eastern fellow who walks right up to her with a menacing look and only says, "Post Office?". Maybe it's just me but I'm not taking anything that guy gives me to the Post Office.
- Family Guy was phenonmenal on Sunday night. Especially Peter singing an acoustic version of the early 80's classic "Rock Lobster". I haven't heard that song in at least ten years...right around the time I was muling for that Peruvian lady in Key Largo.
- My dog doesn't like Watermelon, at all. I'm not really sure what I should do with this info.
- Florida plays Tennessee on Friday in the College World Series opener. It's really too bad that I won't be able to watch..since the fucking creamsicle orange that Tennessee wears makes me involuntarily stab myself with a protractor.
- HBO was showing "The Winslow Boy" a couple of nights ago. Surprisingly, it wasn't about Kellen Sr. teaching his son exaclty how to be a pompous, egomaniacal crybaby. Who knew?
- Jeff Brantley played his college ball at Mississippi State. I did not know that. Though it sure goes a long way towards explaining his beautiful mullet.
- I know that Stevie Wonder is one of the greatest musicians of all time, but did you see him in the stands last night? At one point, he was screaming, swaying (per ususal), and clapping all at once...and the game was coming back from commercial. I feel sorry for the poor schmoes who had to sit next to him last night. Seriously, how do you walk over to Stevie Wonder and say, "HEY!! The game's not even going on so why don't you shut the fuck up for a few minutes!"?
- Enough of men wearing pink shirts already. Are you that easily led astray by the mainstream media that you think you actually look good wearing every three year old girl's favorite color? Why don't you just grow a pencil thin mustache to go with it, you sackless bastards.
- Texas is playing Atlanta on ESPN tonight. On a related note, here's something I've never told most people about myself: If I could pick one athlete/celebrity to wipe off the face of the earth it would (without a doubt) be Orel Hershisher. Stuart Scott comes in a distant second. It was a long time ago. Yes, I'm still bitter. No, I won't ever forgive him. I'll tell you some other time.
- Every time that Hubie Brown calls Tim Duncan "Timmy", I can't help but smile. Couldn't we bring Hubie back for one more year of coaching and mic him up for every game? Who wouldn't buy NBATV for a chance to watch and listen to Hubie coaching for 82 games? Communists, that's who.
- Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Manu Ginobili isn't Jesus Christ himself. Personally, I was pretty shocked to hear this.
The problem is that the Nazi's at my new job don't allow internet access for anything other "business related research". Oh yeah, you read that correctly, I said new job. I quit the landscaping company a couple of weeks back and promptly took a solid two week vacation which consisted of me doing absolutely nothing besides the occasional afternoon nap. Of course, the money wasn't going to last forever. Eventually, I had to go out and find another job. I was able to secure a job at a local lending institution where I deal primarily in loans while dabbling in some mortgages as well.
Am I schooled in any way for a job like this? Absolutely not. Do I have a firm grasp of what my day-to-day responsiblities are? Hell no. Did I manage to get yet another raise by switching jobs for the third time this summer? You bet your ass I did. To be frank, I can't say that I see myself at this new job for more than a few months but it's paying the bills and giving me my weekends to conduct steel cage matches agaisnt my liver so I can't really complain...yet.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my writing routine will be, so I ask that you bear with me for the time being. I'll get settled in and (hopefully) get back to posting four-five days a week. Despite all of this, I've still been thinking of all of you and have jotted down a few notes in these past few days. Here we go:
- I feel like an ape when I eat bananas. Not the entire time that I'm eating them mind you. It's mostly when I'm trying to peel the banana and when I go in for the bite (ngs).
- I really like that one Post Office commercial. The one with the girl who keeps getting more and more packages to take to the Post Office. It isn't really the commercial that I like as much as it is the one Middle Eastern fellow who walks right up to her with a menacing look and only says, "Post Office?". Maybe it's just me but I'm not taking anything that guy gives me to the Post Office.
- Family Guy was phenonmenal on Sunday night. Especially Peter singing an acoustic version of the early 80's classic "Rock Lobster". I haven't heard that song in at least ten years...right around the time I was muling for that Peruvian lady in Key Largo.
- My dog doesn't like Watermelon, at all. I'm not really sure what I should do with this info.
- Florida plays Tennessee on Friday in the College World Series opener. It's really too bad that I won't be able to watch..since the fucking creamsicle orange that Tennessee wears makes me involuntarily stab myself with a protractor.
- HBO was showing "The Winslow Boy" a couple of nights ago. Surprisingly, it wasn't about Kellen Sr. teaching his son exaclty how to be a pompous, egomaniacal crybaby. Who knew?
- Jeff Brantley played his college ball at Mississippi State. I did not know that. Though it sure goes a long way towards explaining his beautiful mullet.
- I know that Stevie Wonder is one of the greatest musicians of all time, but did you see him in the stands last night? At one point, he was screaming, swaying (per ususal), and clapping all at once...and the game was coming back from commercial. I feel sorry for the poor schmoes who had to sit next to him last night. Seriously, how do you walk over to Stevie Wonder and say, "HEY!! The game's not even going on so why don't you shut the fuck up for a few minutes!"?
- Enough of men wearing pink shirts already. Are you that easily led astray by the mainstream media that you think you actually look good wearing every three year old girl's favorite color? Why don't you just grow a pencil thin mustache to go with it, you sackless bastards.
- Texas is playing Atlanta on ESPN tonight. On a related note, here's something I've never told most people about myself: If I could pick one athlete/celebrity to wipe off the face of the earth it would (without a doubt) be Orel Hershisher. Stuart Scott comes in a distant second. It was a long time ago. Yes, I'm still bitter. No, I won't ever forgive him. I'll tell you some other time.
- Every time that Hubie Brown calls Tim Duncan "Timmy", I can't help but smile. Couldn't we bring Hubie back for one more year of coaching and mic him up for every game? Who wouldn't buy NBATV for a chance to watch and listen to Hubie coaching for 82 games? Communists, that's who.
- Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Manu Ginobili isn't Jesus Christ himself. Personally, I was pretty shocked to hear this.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Hurricane McCarver has a nice ring to it...no?
The Ole Miss crowd is making more noise than I think I've ever heard at a college basbeall game. You can say what you want about rednecks in the south...but don't say they don't know how to get rowdy. Oh yeah, Ole Miss' stadium is called Swayze Field. What do they call their softball complex? Guttenberg Stadium?
While watching the Yankees-Cardinals game yesterday on Fox I was debating on whether to kill myself or not, if only because I assume you can't hear Tim McCarver when you're dead. In the midst of my suicide debate, I somehow ended up on one of the 11 HBO stations that I get and happened to stumble upon the begining of "Love Don't Cost a Thing". Let me assure you that this is, without a doubt, the biggest steaming pile of crap in cinematic history. It was so bad at some points that I was actually missing Tim McCarver. That is until I flipped back to Fox and found myself smack dab in the middle of a discussion about the merits of various Hurricane names. At one point, the conversation went something like this:
Buck: How about Hurricane Bernie?
McCarver: No. No, Bernie is way too nice of a guy...one of the nicest guy's you'll ever meet.
Buck: (slightly indignant) Well what do you think would be a good name for a hurricane?
McCarver: Bodacious. (followed by a solid 15 seconds of silence from Buck).
I'm not sure if Buck was just so shocked at what McCarver said or if his gun jammed in the press box. Either way, the man deserves a medal for not murdering Tim McCarver right then and there.
As for "Love Don't Cost a Thing", I knew that is was the same premise as '80s classic "Can't Buy Me Love", what I didn't know was that it was the exact same movie. The only difference is that the characters would use lines like "Don't be frontin on my game shorty." and "That breezy has it on and poppin!". Everything you remember about "Can't Buy Me Love" was there. Same nerds vs cool people plot. Same popular girl with two slutty friends. Same inevitable outing of nerd at a party. They even resurrected the "She's given out more rides than Greyhound" line. In terms of enjoyment, I would rate the viewing experience just below plucking every nose hair that I have.
The real highlight of my weekend came on Thursday night when myself, Dirty and Todd drove up to Daytona Beach for our buddy Kapper's bachelor party. We got to Daytona around 8 and immediately began drinking. Their were a total of nine guys in attendance for the evening and it promised to be an interesting time. I have been to Daytona numerous times in my life but somehow, had never managed to get myself into any of their renowned Gentleman's Clubs so, needless to say, my curiosity was piqued. We headed out around 9:30 and made our way to a fine establishment by the name of Lollipops. Lollipops was one hell of a joint. It was huge inside with three bars and one enormous stage. The girls were all very attractie young ladies who (no doubt) were only working as a means of attaining the neccessary funds to complete their Doctoral Theses. By the time 11:30 rolled around their had to be at least 30 ( all hot, I swear) girls working the various areas of Lollipops. We would've stayed their all night had it not been for another of one the guys in our group being unceremoniously asked to leave. Apparently, our friend Ray (mid 30's, married) and one of the doctoral students got into a dispute over services rendered after which Ray was escorted out. We moved on to numerous other establishments throughout the night. As the night merged into the morning, I began to get fuzzier and fuzzier. However, I do remember some noteworthy highlights from the night's festivities, and they are as follows:
- Kurt spent over $700 on Thursday night. At one point, he was in the VIP room so long that we thought he must've killed a stripper in the back room.
-Some stripper telling Silva that, "You're not a cookie monster, so don't touch my cookie." Uhh, okay.
- Jason Elam (not the kicker) dry humping (doggie style) some stripper in the VIP room of a club.
-One stripper slamming her ass in Kapper's chest so hard that he fell down. This was around 10:30 so it definitely was her ass and not the alcohol.
- Me tipping the old black bathroom attendant in Lollipops $10 for a fucking mint. I didn't mean to give him a ten but what am I supposed to do go back in the bathroom and ask for my change?
- Dirt mixing himself a Crown and Seven and 5:30 in the morning. Just what you want from the guy who's driving you home in less than four hours.
I'm sure there were some even better highlights that I missed or have just forgotten due to the copious amount of alcohol I ingested on Thursday but those are all I can muster up as of now. All in all, it was one of the better bachelor parties that I've been to in a quite awhile and nobody got arrested or overdosed, which are always possibilities with my friends.
One last totally unrelated item: Cal-State Fullerton had 14 players drafted in the Major League Draft this past week. Fourteen. That's amazing.
While watching the Yankees-Cardinals game yesterday on Fox I was debating on whether to kill myself or not, if only because I assume you can't hear Tim McCarver when you're dead. In the midst of my suicide debate, I somehow ended up on one of the 11 HBO stations that I get and happened to stumble upon the begining of "Love Don't Cost a Thing". Let me assure you that this is, without a doubt, the biggest steaming pile of crap in cinematic history. It was so bad at some points that I was actually missing Tim McCarver. That is until I flipped back to Fox and found myself smack dab in the middle of a discussion about the merits of various Hurricane names. At one point, the conversation went something like this:
Buck: How about Hurricane Bernie?
McCarver: No. No, Bernie is way too nice of a guy...one of the nicest guy's you'll ever meet.
Buck: (slightly indignant) Well what do you think would be a good name for a hurricane?
McCarver: Bodacious. (followed by a solid 15 seconds of silence from Buck).
I'm not sure if Buck was just so shocked at what McCarver said or if his gun jammed in the press box. Either way, the man deserves a medal for not murdering Tim McCarver right then and there.
As for "Love Don't Cost a Thing", I knew that is was the same premise as '80s classic "Can't Buy Me Love", what I didn't know was that it was the exact same movie. The only difference is that the characters would use lines like "Don't be frontin on my game shorty." and "That breezy has it on and poppin!". Everything you remember about "Can't Buy Me Love" was there. Same nerds vs cool people plot. Same popular girl with two slutty friends. Same inevitable outing of nerd at a party. They even resurrected the "She's given out more rides than Greyhound" line. In terms of enjoyment, I would rate the viewing experience just below plucking every nose hair that I have.
The real highlight of my weekend came on Thursday night when myself, Dirty and Todd drove up to Daytona Beach for our buddy Kapper's bachelor party. We got to Daytona around 8 and immediately began drinking. Their were a total of nine guys in attendance for the evening and it promised to be an interesting time. I have been to Daytona numerous times in my life but somehow, had never managed to get myself into any of their renowned Gentleman's Clubs so, needless to say, my curiosity was piqued. We headed out around 9:30 and made our way to a fine establishment by the name of Lollipops. Lollipops was one hell of a joint. It was huge inside with three bars and one enormous stage. The girls were all very attractie young ladies who (no doubt) were only working as a means of attaining the neccessary funds to complete their Doctoral Theses. By the time 11:30 rolled around their had to be at least 30 ( all hot, I swear) girls working the various areas of Lollipops. We would've stayed their all night had it not been for another of one the guys in our group being unceremoniously asked to leave. Apparently, our friend Ray (mid 30's, married) and one of the doctoral students got into a dispute over services rendered after which Ray was escorted out. We moved on to numerous other establishments throughout the night. As the night merged into the morning, I began to get fuzzier and fuzzier. However, I do remember some noteworthy highlights from the night's festivities, and they are as follows:
- Kurt spent over $700 on Thursday night. At one point, he was in the VIP room so long that we thought he must've killed a stripper in the back room.
-Some stripper telling Silva that, "You're not a cookie monster, so don't touch my cookie." Uhh, okay.
- Jason Elam (not the kicker) dry humping (doggie style) some stripper in the VIP room of a club.
-One stripper slamming her ass in Kapper's chest so hard that he fell down. This was around 10:30 so it definitely was her ass and not the alcohol.
- Me tipping the old black bathroom attendant in Lollipops $10 for a fucking mint. I didn't mean to give him a ten but what am I supposed to do go back in the bathroom and ask for my change?
- Dirt mixing himself a Crown and Seven and 5:30 in the morning. Just what you want from the guy who's driving you home in less than four hours.
I'm sure there were some even better highlights that I missed or have just forgotten due to the copious amount of alcohol I ingested on Thursday but those are all I can muster up as of now. All in all, it was one of the better bachelor parties that I've been to in a quite awhile and nobody got arrested or overdosed, which are always possibilities with my friends.
One last totally unrelated item: Cal-State Fullerton had 14 players drafted in the Major League Draft this past week. Fourteen. That's amazing.
Everybody...grab a tittie!!
That's right. It's that time of year again. Today is the annual Puerto Rican Day Parade in New York. If there is a worse time to be vacationing in the Big Apple then I'll eat my hat. Can't you just imagine some family from Iowa walking the streets of New York today when all of the sudden they're in the middle of 15,000 drunk Ricans? That's the kind of reality TV that I'd like to watch. Just hidden cameras capturing the bewilderment and utter terror on the faces of Bob, Jeanie and the kids from Sioux City. By the way, the only reason that I even knew the PR Day Parade was today is because I just finished watching the Miguel Cotto fight form last night on HBO. Evidently, Miguel is the Grand Marshall of today's festivities. Are the folks who organized this affair sure that they didn't mean to ask Miguel Cairo to lead the parade? I'm just asking.
Anyway, it's been a minute since I've been able to sit down and bore you all with acerbic wit and inane observations so I figured I'd go over a few of the weekend's more notable events.
First off, let me extend my congratulations ot the University of Florida Baseball team for making it to the College World Series for the first time since 1998. Florida Head Coach Pat McMahon deserves almost all the credit (and probably a new contract) for rebuilding a once proud program that had slipped into pattern of mediocrity under former coach Andy Lopez. Under Lopez, Florida dropped from the top of the SEC and was in real danger of becoming the fourth best baseball program in it's own state (behind Miami, FSU, and UCF). It's not that Lopez is a bad coach, he's quite good and has done a great job of turning around the program at Arizona but he was an awful fit for the University of Florida.
Lopez was the former coach at Pepperdine (where he won a National Title) before coming to Florida in 1998. Yet after leading the Gators to the College World Series in his first year, Lopez was never able to attain such a lofty position again during his tenure at Florida. Lopez's problem is that he recruited (almost exclusively) from the West Coast, relying heavily on California talent. There's no doubt that there is a boatload of talented young baseball prospects in the Golden state, probably more than any other place in the country but Florida is not very far behind in that category. In fact, only Texas and California produce more top high school prospects than Florida. Yet, Lopez just refused to try and develop relationships with high school coaches within the state and often wasn't able to lure enough talent from across the country to Florida. As a result, Florida fell out of the Top 25 and things looked to be getting even worse for the Gators. With that in mind, Jeremy Foley did what any good AD should do and admitted his mistake by firing Andy Lopez. Foley followed that move up by hiring Mississippi State's Head Coach and Jacksonville native Pat McMahon. McMahon immediately went to work recruiting the best players in the state and Florida nearly made the College World Series in each of the last three years. Of course, Florida would fall short each time to the University of Miami as the Gators were forced to travel down to Miami for the Super Regionals. This year, however, Florida was awarded a Super Regional in Gainesville against fellow in-state power FSU. By now you know that Florida took the first two games of the Super Regional and advanced to the College World Series last night. Who knows what will happen when these guys get to Omaha. Either way, it's nice to have Florida Baseball back in it's rightful palce among the state's other programs.
Anyway, it's been a minute since I've been able to sit down and bore you all with acerbic wit and inane observations so I figured I'd go over a few of the weekend's more notable events.
First off, let me extend my congratulations ot the University of Florida Baseball team for making it to the College World Series for the first time since 1998. Florida Head Coach Pat McMahon deserves almost all the credit (and probably a new contract) for rebuilding a once proud program that had slipped into pattern of mediocrity under former coach Andy Lopez. Under Lopez, Florida dropped from the top of the SEC and was in real danger of becoming the fourth best baseball program in it's own state (behind Miami, FSU, and UCF). It's not that Lopez is a bad coach, he's quite good and has done a great job of turning around the program at Arizona but he was an awful fit for the University of Florida.
Lopez was the former coach at Pepperdine (where he won a National Title) before coming to Florida in 1998. Yet after leading the Gators to the College World Series in his first year, Lopez was never able to attain such a lofty position again during his tenure at Florida. Lopez's problem is that he recruited (almost exclusively) from the West Coast, relying heavily on California talent. There's no doubt that there is a boatload of talented young baseball prospects in the Golden state, probably more than any other place in the country but Florida is not very far behind in that category. In fact, only Texas and California produce more top high school prospects than Florida. Yet, Lopez just refused to try and develop relationships with high school coaches within the state and often wasn't able to lure enough talent from across the country to Florida. As a result, Florida fell out of the Top 25 and things looked to be getting even worse for the Gators. With that in mind, Jeremy Foley did what any good AD should do and admitted his mistake by firing Andy Lopez. Foley followed that move up by hiring Mississippi State's Head Coach and Jacksonville native Pat McMahon. McMahon immediately went to work recruiting the best players in the state and Florida nearly made the College World Series in each of the last three years. Of course, Florida would fall short each time to the University of Miami as the Gators were forced to travel down to Miami for the Super Regionals. This year, however, Florida was awarded a Super Regional in Gainesville against fellow in-state power FSU. By now you know that Florida took the first two games of the Super Regional and advanced to the College World Series last night. Who knows what will happen when these guys get to Omaha. Either way, it's nice to have Florida Baseball back in it's rightful palce among the state's other programs.
Monday, June 06, 2005
"Both teams played hard"
Not a great Game 7 but a pretty entertaining one between Dwyane Wade's third quarter, Shaq almost putting Miami and on his back and, of course, Rasheed Wallace yelling, "Don't Leave Me!" to Udonis Haslem.
Miami should have had that game. Shaq was feeling it and hitting his free throws but the Heat guards took two bad shots. Damon Jones should have thrown the ball back in to Shaq on the repost on the first. Jones' turnover was a big time momentum changer. Dwyane Wade then got a little frustrated and forced a bad shot. I'm genuinely looking forward to a Pistons-Spurs NBA Finals but it's not going do alot for the NBA's ratings. Here are some of the night's random thoughts:
- There's alot of people who think that Dale Sveum is the worst third base coach in baseball but Jose Oquendo gets my vote. He costs the Cardinals runs on a regular basis. Tonight was a perfect example: Yadier Molina on second. One out. David Eckstein at bat. St. Louis up 3-1. Eckstein hits a squibber to third. Mueller makes a great play on the ball and barely throws out Eckstein...play's not over though, because Jose Oquendo sends Yadier Molina. That's right. Molina gets thrown out by two feet. Inning over. Oh yeah, Larry Waker (who's hitting .330) was on deck.
- Why do the Red Sox players call Terry Francona "Tito"? Isn't he Italian? I always thought that the "Tito" nickname was reserved for hispanics and blacks? Are we letting the Italians do that now?
-I know that I've mentioned how much I like Tayshaun Prince's game before but I'll do it again. He's freakishly long. Does everything fair to good while excelling as a defender. Plus, he's extremely underrated athletically. He's the perfect 5th guy.
- Miami has a coach named Ron Rothstein. I think that every NBA team should have a coach who is as representative of the community as the Heat do/does...whatever. Think about it, some hippie named "Cherry" in Portland, Leif Garenson for the TWolves, some illegal alien named Ramon in San Antonio. Aren't these kind of guys more fun than Keith Atkins and PJ Carlesimo?
- Eddie Jones' shot right before halftime drew a slight fist pump from me. I have know idea why.
- Mark Grudzielanek made a fantastic play on a grounder hit up the middle by Jay Payton. Seriously...best play of the night.
- I, in no way, understand the phenomenon of watching a team's game on the jumbotron of the team's empty arena. I'll gladly go to a bar and support the guys but there's no chance in hell you're getting me to go to an arena and pay 8 bucks for a Coors Light while watching the game on some screen a hundred feet away.
- The best part of the night was when TNT started showing the shots of all the distraught Heat fans. Sure, you're all torn up over this. These people don't sellout Dolphins games, and the Dolphins are an institution in South Florida. The Marlins don't get any fans until they're contending in September. Even the Hurricanes don't get squat for attendance unless they're playing a ranked team. Yeah, I'm sure you're all going to call in sick to work tomorrow...with a broken heart.
- I'm pretty damn sure that I saw ex-Tarheel forward Pat Sullivan congratulating Pistons players after the game. Don't aks me why I find this interesting.
- Rasheed Wallace came on "Inside the NBA" with his championship belt. In my Mom's words, "That guy's a stitch." Anyway, when the guys on the set started asking him about his upcoming match up with Tim Duncan, Rasheed just smiled and started talking about their old Wake Forest-UNC matchups. Sounds good to me.
Miami should have had that game. Shaq was feeling it and hitting his free throws but the Heat guards took two bad shots. Damon Jones should have thrown the ball back in to Shaq on the repost on the first. Jones' turnover was a big time momentum changer. Dwyane Wade then got a little frustrated and forced a bad shot. I'm genuinely looking forward to a Pistons-Spurs NBA Finals but it's not going do alot for the NBA's ratings. Here are some of the night's random thoughts:
- There's alot of people who think that Dale Sveum is the worst third base coach in baseball but Jose Oquendo gets my vote. He costs the Cardinals runs on a regular basis. Tonight was a perfect example: Yadier Molina on second. One out. David Eckstein at bat. St. Louis up 3-1. Eckstein hits a squibber to third. Mueller makes a great play on the ball and barely throws out Eckstein...play's not over though, because Jose Oquendo sends Yadier Molina. That's right. Molina gets thrown out by two feet. Inning over. Oh yeah, Larry Waker (who's hitting .330) was on deck.
- Why do the Red Sox players call Terry Francona "Tito"? Isn't he Italian? I always thought that the "Tito" nickname was reserved for hispanics and blacks? Are we letting the Italians do that now?
-I know that I've mentioned how much I like Tayshaun Prince's game before but I'll do it again. He's freakishly long. Does everything fair to good while excelling as a defender. Plus, he's extremely underrated athletically. He's the perfect 5th guy.
- Miami has a coach named Ron Rothstein. I think that every NBA team should have a coach who is as representative of the community as the Heat do/does...whatever. Think about it, some hippie named "Cherry" in Portland, Leif Garenson for the TWolves, some illegal alien named Ramon in San Antonio. Aren't these kind of guys more fun than Keith Atkins and PJ Carlesimo?
- Eddie Jones' shot right before halftime drew a slight fist pump from me. I have know idea why.
- Mark Grudzielanek made a fantastic play on a grounder hit up the middle by Jay Payton. Seriously...best play of the night.
- I, in no way, understand the phenomenon of watching a team's game on the jumbotron of the team's empty arena. I'll gladly go to a bar and support the guys but there's no chance in hell you're getting me to go to an arena and pay 8 bucks for a Coors Light while watching the game on some screen a hundred feet away.
- The best part of the night was when TNT started showing the shots of all the distraught Heat fans. Sure, you're all torn up over this. These people don't sellout Dolphins games, and the Dolphins are an institution in South Florida. The Marlins don't get any fans until they're contending in September. Even the Hurricanes don't get squat for attendance unless they're playing a ranked team. Yeah, I'm sure you're all going to call in sick to work tomorrow...with a broken heart.
- I'm pretty damn sure that I saw ex-Tarheel forward Pat Sullivan congratulating Pistons players after the game. Don't aks me why I find this interesting.
- Rasheed Wallace came on "Inside the NBA" with his championship belt. In my Mom's words, "That guy's a stitch." Anyway, when the guys on the set started asking him about his upcoming match up with Tim Duncan, Rasheed just smiled and started talking about their old Wake Forest-UNC matchups. Sounds good to me.
HOOVER HAWKS BASKETBALL!!
Between the Heat-Pistons squaring off in Game Seven and the Cardinals-Red Sox meeting for the first time since last October, we're looking at one hell of a night for sports.
Cards-Sox is just another meaningless interleague matchup but it happens to involve the first team I ever truely followed and loved (Cards, beginning circa 1984) against the team that vanquished them in four straight games in their first World Series in almost twenty years. I plan on writing more about the Redbirds later in the week but I'll try and check in with some randon notes during this evening's action.
As for tonight's main event...I'm hoping that tonight can save what's been a pretty lackluster set of conference finals. Dwyane Wade is definitely going to play and I, personally, think he'll paly pretty well. With that said, I can't turn my back on my Pistons prediction now so I'm going with a win for Larry Brown's guys along with a shit ton of "DETROIT BASKETBALL!" chants. Does anybody else here that guy in their sleep? No? Yeah, me neither.
Speaking of bothersome/catchy things that I can't get out of my head...Does anybody else think that Gwen Stefani song ("Hollaback girl", I believe) is at once the catchiest and most mind blowingly annoying creation to hit the radio in years? That's right, I know you were humming it in the car this weekend.
Cards-Sox is just another meaningless interleague matchup but it happens to involve the first team I ever truely followed and loved (Cards, beginning circa 1984) against the team that vanquished them in four straight games in their first World Series in almost twenty years. I plan on writing more about the Redbirds later in the week but I'll try and check in with some randon notes during this evening's action.
As for tonight's main event...I'm hoping that tonight can save what's been a pretty lackluster set of conference finals. Dwyane Wade is definitely going to play and I, personally, think he'll paly pretty well. With that said, I can't turn my back on my Pistons prediction now so I'm going with a win for Larry Brown's guys along with a shit ton of "DETROIT BASKETBALL!" chants. Does anybody else here that guy in their sleep? No? Yeah, me neither.
Speaking of bothersome/catchy things that I can't get out of my head...Does anybody else think that Gwen Stefani song ("Hollaback girl", I believe) is at once the catchiest and most mind blowingly annoying creation to hit the radio in years? That's right, I know you were humming it in the car this weekend.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
I don't understand...
This is absolutely awful. For at least the third straight day, ESPN is broadcasting college softball...and not at three in the morning either! Are you telling me that there's nothing else you could be showing over their at the Worldwide Leader? C'mon...How about classic episodes of "Up Close"? I bet Roy Firestone isn't watching softball.
I'm sure that these girls are tremendously gifted athletes and their parents love'em a tone but get them the hell off of my TV. ESPN should just start a Women's sports channel. That way women can watch themselves play sports all day and night. That would be great. For now though, I'd just like to say that I'm really sick of flipping to ESPN and seeing that Moose of a pitcher for Alabama. On a Saturday afternoon no less.
Now the game is in a weather delay because of a tornado warning. Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm sure that these girls are tremendously gifted athletes and their parents love'em a tone but get them the hell off of my TV. ESPN should just start a Women's sports channel. That way women can watch themselves play sports all day and night. That would be great. For now though, I'd just like to say that I'm really sick of flipping to ESPN and seeing that Moose of a pitcher for Alabama. On a Saturday afternoon no less.
Now the game is in a weather delay because of a tornado warning. Are you fucking kidding me?
Friday, June 03, 2005
I want to be a "person of interest"...
File this one under "Shrewd Negotiating Tactics": Redskins Safety Sean Taylor is being sought out as a "person of interest" by Miami-Dade Police.
Here's a link: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2075361
There's no denying that Sean Taylor has the potential and talent to be one of the all-time great safeties in the NFL. I've mentioned in this space before that he held the state of Florida's high school single season rushing touchdown record at 43 until this past year which is pretty amazing, no matter who you are. Beyond that, I have also personally seen Taylor completely dominate a game against FSU in the middle of a rainstorm and Miami win. Taylor had 2 interceptions on the day and returned one for a touchdown but he could have had 6 or 7 (seriously) if it weren't for some of the worst hands this side Desagna Diop. The point is, that it was an extremely impressive performance and it seemed to confirm the thought that he was a franchise type dominant player in the minds of most football fans and (I assume) scouts and most GM types.
These days though, it really seems to me that Taylor is just an enormous pain in the ass. I could care less about the Miami guys training down in Miami since they probably work harder than a normal vets does at a typical June minicamp, but he gets into all kinds of bull shit off the field. He certainly doesn't seem like the most stable dude around. The Miami players have all called him the craziest of all the current and former 'Canes. Think about that for a second...that's a really long list that he's on the top of. Anyway, him and his new agent (third) are demanding a new contract one year after signing his rookie deal. The best part about those demands is that the guy was clear disappointment last year. He's probably not a bad guy at all, just a huge douche. At this point, far more trouble than he's worth.
Here's a link: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2075361
There's no denying that Sean Taylor has the potential and talent to be one of the all-time great safeties in the NFL. I've mentioned in this space before that he held the state of Florida's high school single season rushing touchdown record at 43 until this past year which is pretty amazing, no matter who you are. Beyond that, I have also personally seen Taylor completely dominate a game against FSU in the middle of a rainstorm and Miami win. Taylor had 2 interceptions on the day and returned one for a touchdown but he could have had 6 or 7 (seriously) if it weren't for some of the worst hands this side Desagna Diop. The point is, that it was an extremely impressive performance and it seemed to confirm the thought that he was a franchise type dominant player in the minds of most football fans and (I assume) scouts and most GM types.
These days though, it really seems to me that Taylor is just an enormous pain in the ass. I could care less about the Miami guys training down in Miami since they probably work harder than a normal vets does at a typical June minicamp, but he gets into all kinds of bull shit off the field. He certainly doesn't seem like the most stable dude around. The Miami players have all called him the craziest of all the current and former 'Canes. Think about that for a second...that's a really long list that he's on the top of. Anyway, him and his new agent (third) are demanding a new contract one year after signing his rookie deal. The best part about those demands is that the guy was clear disappointment last year. He's probably not a bad guy at all, just a huge douche. At this point, far more trouble than he's worth.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
3D's a GM? Why don't you just hire me?
Here's a link to an interesting article about former Magician and one of the all-time great chokers, Nick Anderson. He basically fell off the earth after he retired and sounds just a little bitter about how thngs have gone down in recent years. Anyway, check it out: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/orl-sptanderson01060105jun01,0,7774689.story?coll=orl-sports-headlines
Reading is FUNdamental, at least that's what Ricky Davis told me.
I already mentioned how intoxicating my memorial Day weekend was in this space, however I forgot to mention that I also used this past Saturday to do a little shopping, which included the purchase of two books for recreational reading. I figured since I don't use much of my mind on a day to day basis while I'm at work then I might as well use some of it during my downtime. This plan of action worked out well for me since there were two different books which I'd been meaning to buy in the past few months. The first is named "Cane Mutiny" and its written by SI writer Bruce Feldman. Basically, it traces the roots of the University of Miami's football program back to the days in the early to mid-seventies when the university was on the verge of dropping the football program altogether, as they had done to the basketball program just a few years earlier. I've made it through about six chapters in the past few days and must say that it's quite a good read. Even for somebody like myself, who grew up around college football in the state of Florida (I attended the Univeristy of Florida while the rest of my immediate family all either graduated from FSU or are season ticket holders for the Seminoles), it has proven to be quite an interesting read with alot of stories and details that I'd never heard or at least hadn't heard in their entirety. If you have even a passing interest in the last 20 or 30 years of college football history, I highly recommend it.
The second book that I purchased is also based on sports ( I am a VERY boring person), though this time it is high school sports. The title of the book is "The Miracle of St. Anthony" and its penned by another SI writer, Adrian Wojnarowski. The book follows the 2003-2004 St. Anthony High (Jersey City, NJ) Boys Basketball team coached by the legendary Bob Hurley Sr. and has received a number of rave reviews from critics. It's a little longer book than "Cane Mutiny", which is the reason that I've decided to pick up the books in this order. These two books mark the first time that I've actually gone out and bought a book to read for pleasure in at least five years. Either I'm rediscovering the love for reading that a major in history sucked right out of me at the ripe old age of 21 or I'll make it halfway through the second book before I decide that thimble collecting is more my style and pace. We'll see.
On a completely unrelated note: I've decided that I want the Magic to draft Channing Frye with the 12th pick in the upcoming draft. You may be thinking to yourself, "Didn't this guy rip Channing Frye during the NCAA Tourney?". Well, yes and no. Yes I ripped the comparision between Emeka Okafor and Channing Frye because, frankly, there isn't one. They are two different players with very different games. Frye has never displayed the overall toughness or dominance of Okafor but is also a more all around offensively proficient player than Emeka was/is. I wasn't ripping Frye as much as I was the hackneyed logic of one Digger Phelps for making the afforementioned comparison.
In my mind, Channing Frye would be a great complement to Dwight Howard. Frye is a true center who can rebound, block shots and run the floor as well as anybody his size. Frye's problem is that he isn't overpowering in the post and too often loses his postion on the block. In Orlando, Frye would be manning the high post most of the time as Howard is going to be the number one down low option for many years to come in Orlando (fingers crossed). Furthermore, Frye has the ability to consistently knock down the 16-18 footer at the top of the key which will force defenses to honor his offense, thereby giving Howard more room to operate on the block. Finally, if the Magic were able to obtain Frye and pair him with Howard, you'd be hard pressed to find any center/power forward combo with the speed, agility and shot blocking ability of these two young guys. Hopefully, Frye can continue to work out well...just not too well and slip down to the Magic come June.
The second book that I purchased is also based on sports ( I am a VERY boring person), though this time it is high school sports. The title of the book is "The Miracle of St. Anthony" and its penned by another SI writer, Adrian Wojnarowski. The book follows the 2003-2004 St. Anthony High (Jersey City, NJ) Boys Basketball team coached by the legendary Bob Hurley Sr. and has received a number of rave reviews from critics. It's a little longer book than "Cane Mutiny", which is the reason that I've decided to pick up the books in this order. These two books mark the first time that I've actually gone out and bought a book to read for pleasure in at least five years. Either I'm rediscovering the love for reading that a major in history sucked right out of me at the ripe old age of 21 or I'll make it halfway through the second book before I decide that thimble collecting is more my style and pace. We'll see.
On a completely unrelated note: I've decided that I want the Magic to draft Channing Frye with the 12th pick in the upcoming draft. You may be thinking to yourself, "Didn't this guy rip Channing Frye during the NCAA Tourney?". Well, yes and no. Yes I ripped the comparision between Emeka Okafor and Channing Frye because, frankly, there isn't one. They are two different players with very different games. Frye has never displayed the overall toughness or dominance of Okafor but is also a more all around offensively proficient player than Emeka was/is. I wasn't ripping Frye as much as I was the hackneyed logic of one Digger Phelps for making the afforementioned comparison.
In my mind, Channing Frye would be a great complement to Dwight Howard. Frye is a true center who can rebound, block shots and run the floor as well as anybody his size. Frye's problem is that he isn't overpowering in the post and too often loses his postion on the block. In Orlando, Frye would be manning the high post most of the time as Howard is going to be the number one down low option for many years to come in Orlando (fingers crossed). Furthermore, Frye has the ability to consistently knock down the 16-18 footer at the top of the key which will force defenses to honor his offense, thereby giving Howard more room to operate on the block. Finally, if the Magic were able to obtain Frye and pair him with Howard, you'd be hard pressed to find any center/power forward combo with the speed, agility and shot blocking ability of these two young guys. Hopefully, Frye can continue to work out well...just not too well and slip down to the Magic come June.
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