It's a good thing nobody had to get up for work this morning...

I’d start off today with some analysis of all last night’s games if only I had seen all of them. As it stands, I only saw the OSU-Tennessee game in its entirety. I had UCLA-Pitt on the second TV but that game was about as riveting as watching a stripper feed quarters into one of those touch screens video games…don’t ask. As for the early games, I saw the first ten minutes of Kansas-SIU and the final six minutes of A&M-Memphis because I had a city league basketball game last night at 8. I briefly toyed with pulling a JR Rider (Isaiah for the ladies) on my teammates but decided against it since we were only fielding a team of five last night. By the time the game had ended and I had made my way to the nearest bar, A&M and Memphis were locked in what appeared to be a possibly classic finish. You all know what happened from there. Acie Law missed a layup, A&M couldn’t get a rebound and John Calipari earned every cent of his multi-million dollar contract by astutely pointing out that the A&M inbounds pass had hit inbounds after being deflected. On top of that (watch the replay) Cal also managed to avoid the ball as it flew out of bounds thereby allowing a few more tenths of a second to run off the clock. That new hip finally came in handy for the most upstanding coach this side of Clem Haskins.

I’ll say it. I didn’t think Memphis had a chance in this tourney and I couldn’t have been more wrong. I wasn’t alone though, the only person I know who has Memphis going to the Final Four (he actually has them winning it all) also happens to be the biggest alcoholic/drug addict I know. Believe me, when I tell you that this is quite a statement. To be fair though, this is the same guy who once claimed Johnny Damon was the best centerfielder in baseball…while sober.

I’m sure most of us watched the OSU-UT game so I won’t bore you with a recap of the night, save for the following points:

- Ron Lewis is making himself a ton of money right now. He’s definitely getting drafted (albeit in the 2nd round) by somebody this June and that’s not something he could’ve said two weeks ago. He’s been making big shots for this team all year. He won the first UT game with a late jumper and kept them in this game with a bevy of deep 3s, drives to the hoop and clutch free throws. As I watched him last night I thought to myself that this is the sort of thing that you’d expect from a guy who chose to leave a school where he’d clearly be the star (Bowling Green) in order to test his abilities at the highest levels of college basketball. It’s the rare player who craves that sort of challenge and Lewis has continually proved that he’s exactly that type of player.

- Mike Conley, Jr. is everything you want in a PG. He’s a reliable jumpshot away from being a perennial All-Star. I love watching him play. He’s under control, smart and might have the best floater since Mark Jackson.

- Ohio State did everything they needed to do to win that game. However, if Tennessee makes a few free throws down the stretch then they’re the ones still alive in this tournament. Its such a cliché because its true, you must make free throws if you want to advance deep in the NCAA Tourney.

- I’ve railed about the annoyance of within race comparisons amongst athletes in this space before. Last night saw this phenomenon reach a whole new level when the game’s announcers went so far as to compare Chris Lofton to Dell Curry. C’mon, are these people even trying anymore? The only two things these guys have in common is the ability to shoot the ball from deep and similar skin tones. That’s it. Curry is far taller than Lofton and didn’t have nearly the off-the-dribble game that Lofton possesses. It’s like nobody even attempts to make legitimate comparison based on players’ overall skills anymore.

- Last night was the closest I’ve ever come to rooting for Tennessee. I have to admit, it made me feel a little dirty. Okay very, very dirty. I mean, I scrubbed and scrubbed but damnit, they don’t make water hot enough!!!

As for tonight’s games, well, Florida is playing so I could give a shit about the other games. At least until the Gators’ game has concluded. I’m more than a little nervous about Butler. Not just because they’re the kind of tough, defensive oriented team that has given Florida trouble this year but also because there’s some karma working against the Gators here. As you may or may not remember, Billy Donovan’s first run to the Final Four at UF was sparked by Mike Miller’s game winning buzzer beater against Butler in the 2000 NCAA Tournament. Ahh, those were the days. I was in college taking a “full” course load and clearing bongs with more regularity than Lindsay Lohan exposes her beav.

Obviously, a lot has changed since then. I have a real job, Florida’s a legitimate basketball powerhouse, Mike Miller looks a lot less wiggerish and much more European, Udonis Haslem isn’t fat anymore and poor Teddy Dupay is somewhere in South America doing lines off of a Peruvian transvestite’s anus (I believe he dubbed that the “powdered donut” during his time in Gainesville. I could be wrong though). Suffice it to say, things are far different this time around. Except for one thing: If Florida loses against Butler the media will label their season as a disappointment and hail the Cinderella story of those scrappy kids from Butler. God, I’m nervous already. Fuck.

A few housekeeping items:

- Does anybody else think Kobe’s recent scoring…binge? Outburst? ( I need a newer, stronger adjective) might just be an elaborate way to distract us from some horrible crime he committed recently. Seriously, have you seen that new goatee he’s got right now? It just looks evil.

- Stories like this are the reason why the SEC is better than any conference in the country. I mean, can you imagine a family naming their kid after Karl Dorrell?

- Bill Simmons is an idiot. That much we know. However, I’m still amazed that he so brazenly throws out completely erroneous information on subjects he’s supposedly an “expert” on. For instance, in yesterday’s blog he was talking about how deep this year’s draft would be and supported that by citing various players who would’ve top 20 picks last year. And who did he include? How about Aaron Afflalo, Jared Dudley and Nick Fazekas. Are you kidding me? The only one who even had a shot at being drafted in the 1st round was Fazekas. On top of this he adds, “maybe Tyler Hansbrough”. What? He definitely would’ve been drafted in the top 20, possibly the lottery. For a guy who exchanges emails with Chad Ford regularly, he sure doesn’t have a fucking clue what he’s talking about.

- A lot of people have been bashing OJ Mayo lately. I’m not one of those people. In fact, I get the feeling that he and I very, very similar. Just look at this check list I’ve put together:

Enjoys the occasional papal election: Check
Considered an asshole by most of the people you meet: Check
Frequently uses the phrase: "Don’t call me, I’ll call you.": Check
Thinks Tim Floyd is an asshat douchebag: Check

See, I told you me and him were alike. If I was 6’4” and supremely athletic I’d think we were separated at birth.

Finally, I’m going to my first Spring Training game of the year tomorrow to watch the World Champion St. Louis Cardinals take on the Washington Nationals. I’m only going for two reasons (okay three). The tickets are free. It’s the Cardinals and it’s a fifteen minute drive from my house and I’m not a goddamned communist (Is that four?). Only somebody like Greg would choose not to attend one single Spring Training game even though four separate Spring Training facilities are within 45 minutes of your home. As fun as it should be to get out and see some baseball, the real highlight should be when my old man (who was born and raised in St. Louis and on Budweiser) realizes that the Stadium we’re going to has switched over from Bud to Miller. I’m thinking of sneaking a couple Budweiser tallboys in just to keep him from punching the ladies who bring the beer to the luxury boxes. Trust me, nothing enrages my Dad more than the presence of Miller products in lieu of Budweiser. Nothing.