Prrrrr...What happened to that boy?

I know that title is about the most obvious title to any post that involves anything related to Chris Andersen, but honestly, how could I resist the chance to quote the lyrical genius that is Baby aka The Birdman? I couldn’t help myself. Which means that I have at least one thing, besides being white, in common with the now vanquished NBA player who was known for his high flying play and often ridiculous antics (like the Greg Brady perm he got for the playoffs two years ago). You’ll hear a lot of people say how “sad” it is that Chris Andersen threw away almost $13 million, but in reality it’s nothing other than a great example of one man’s stupidity. Unless he failed the test on purpose (I’m looking at you Keon Clark), it’s awfully tough to look at Andersen and wonder what the hell he was thinking when he decided that the NBA lifestyle wasn’t one worth making a few sacrifices for. Let’s be honest, the NBA isn’t exactly renowned for its strict drug policy. Basically, the NBA tells it’s players, “Lay off the hard stuff and we’ll look the other way on weed and whatnot.” Yet, somehow Chris Andersen was unable to “Just Say No” or more appropriately “Just Say Wait Until the Offseason” when I can flush my system of this shit before Dave Stern and Co. come calling on me during training camp. At least now his performance in last year’s Dunk Contest makes a little more sense to me.

Tonight marks the first time this year that the Florida Gators will play a regular season game on national television, as the Gators will appear on ESPN2 tonight to take on Ole Miss. I haven’t taken the time to look up the statistics, but I’m pretty sure that this is the latest any Gator Basketball team in the last 6 years has made it’s first appearance on the ESPN family of networks (excluding The Ocho, of course). Considering where most prognosticators had Florida pegged in the preseason this is entirely understandable. What I am having some trouble understanding is how this Gator team is going to get through the next couple of weeks without severely hurting their NCAA Tournament seeding. Billy Donovan and the boys were having enough trouble covering for the injured Corey Brewer on the perimeter before Lee Humphrey got into a bike accident on campus Sunday night, leaving him out for up to 3 weeks. When word first surfaced of the accident, most Gators assumed that it had occurred while Humphrey was riding a scooter. When, in actuality, this entire accident could have been avoided if Humphrey hadn’t been riding a bicycle around campus like some kind of bama. I think this accident is most frustrating because it never should have happened in the first place, if for no other reason than Lee Humphrey had no business being on a bike to begin with.

It’s pretty common knowledge amongst Gators that every student-athlete at UF owns (or has regular access to) their own motor scooter. In fact, it’s become sort of a running joke amongst the student body and alumni. These motor scooters can be seen all over campus and are rather easy to identify. Whenever you see somebody riding around on a purple scooter, it’s a pretty safe bet that the rider is some type of athlete at UF. One of my fondest memories (not involving alcohol) of my time at Florida is a direct result of the “athletic scooter” as it’s come to be known. The story goes something like this: During the Spring of 2000, I had most of my classes in the Florida Gym, which sits right next to Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. As you might have guessed, an extremely large percentage of the football team also had a large majority of their classes in this facility as well. One of these players was Jabar Gaffney, who happened to be coming off of a record setting season as a Freshman WR for the University of Florida. One day as classes were letting out, I along with many other students were exiting the Florida Gym. Jabar Gaffney was part of this group and was about to make his way towards his scooter when he saw what appeared to be a young boy trying to steal his scooter. Now, I’m not sure if he hotwired it or what, but the boy in question had managed to start up the scooter. Upon seeing this, Gaffney immediately yelled out. Startled, the boy attempted to take off on the scooter which he ended up wrecking on the curb. As he looked up, he quickly realized that Gaffney was now in pursuit of him. So the boy jumped up and ran away as fast as he could. Mind you, this kid was around 13 or 14 years old. Needless to say, he didn’t get very far before Gaffney caught up with him. In fact, Gaffney caught up to him right as the boy reached a large fountain on UF’s campus. As Gaffney caught up, he grabbed the kid and then proceeded to tackle him into the wishing well area of the fountain. Apparently not convinced that his dismay had been adequately displayed, Gaffney then continued to dunk the young man (repeatedly) into the water of the fountain. Eventually Gaffney relented and the UFPD showed up to put and end to the unfortunate incident, but not before I nearly peed myself laughing in front of a couple hundred people.

Why did I tell this story? Well, because I think it’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness, and because I think it adequately displays the lack of concern most UF athletes have when it comes to the publication of the use of the aforementioned “athletic scooters” (this incident made its way into many a paper in the Sunshine State) as well as how unnecessary it is for a starter on the Men’s Basketball team to be riding around campus on a goddamned mountain bike. So I guess the real question should be: Why did Lee Humphrey decide that he should rely on his bicycle as his means of transportation on a rainy night in Gainesville when he had access to (at least) a motor scooter? Well, because he’s a bama from Tennessee, that’s why.

In more University of Florida news, tomorrow is National Signing Day for College Football. Though the Gators have wrapped up most of their class (currently ranked #1 in the country) there are always quite a few surprises on this day as players often have the kind of last minute change of heart that one should expect from 17 and 18 year old kids. I actually know some people who take the day off of work in order to stay as up to date on the signings as possible. While I’m not quite that sick, I’d be willing to bet that there’s a 90% chance of me accomplishing absolutely nothing during the workday tomorrow. Not that that is a whole lot different from what’s been going on all day today.

Finally, TJ posted