Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Live Blogging a Soccer Game? Sure, why not?

Since I "work" from home, a couple of the guys at G:TB asked if I was planning on Live Blogging the UEFA Champions League Final between the Premiere League's two most despicable teams, Manchester United and Chelsea. Well, I hadn't planned on it but, why the hell not? I'm going to be watching the game from my couch so I might as well offer my pithy observations on said game. A few years ago, I did this and the game turned out to be a classic. Of course, Jerry (who had yet to embrace soccer) made the comment that this game being considered a classic is one of the many reasons why soccer wasn't a sport he or many other Americans could love. I suspect he'd have a different opinion now that he's become a fellow Arsenal supporter ( I use this phrase loosely) after his prolonged stay in England a year or so ago.

Its tough for many Americans to understand just how big a deal tonight's game is for soccer fans all across Europe, but its an event that dwarfs our "Super Bowl" in both hype and viewership. Combine that with the fact that this game boasts two of the world's most deadly finishers in Cristiano Ronaldo & Didier Drogba and you've got something along the lines of a Colts-Pats matchup in the AFC Championship. Does this make Wayne Rooney the equivalent of Marvin Harrison and Michael Ballack into Randy Moss? I don't fucking know. I'm just trying to make this a little easier to understand for TJ. I know, good luck with that.

Anyway, I hope I've sufficiently Americanized (aka: dumbed down) this for you guys. Hey look, just writing about soccer brings out the previously dormant snobby Brit in somebody. One more thing, because you can't trust Russians to do anything right (save for the occasional revolution) it sounds as if the turf in Moscow tonight may rival the turf from the Dolphins-Steelers Monday Night game in Pittsburgh from last year. That should make for some high scoring, exciting action (sarcasm alert) and thus millions of unemployed Americans who'll use this game as an excuse to never watch another soccer game again. Hey, at least Clarence Seedorf is broadcasting this game in three languages. That'll draw in the common man. Oh, fuck it. Its soccer. You love or you don't. Join me...in the comments.

119 comments:

Mark said...

I'm folding laudry...feel the excitement.

TJ said...

I didn't read your intro at all, but I saw my name, so thanks. Soccer is boring and gay. Now entertain me.

TJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Greg said...

There's the UEFA Cup Final and there's also something like the Champion's League final....which may have already happened.

Also, it's in Moscow. There's going to be a lot of English tourists getting ripped off, beat up and maybe even killed.

Mark said...

Its good to see that American sporting events aren't the only ones that drag out the game's beginning with inane and endless pregame bullshit.

TJ said...

Is Yakov Smirnoff there?

"You have such nice things in the U.S.—like warning shots!"

Mark said...

Its technically the UEFA Champions League Final and you win the UEFA Cup. I mentioned that it was in Moscow in the intro. Thanks though Greg.

And yeah, they'll be some murdered Brits tonight for sure. More than likely the majority of them will be Man U supporters what with the fact that Chelsea's owner is Russian and thus they'll be plenty of Russians rooting for Chelsea.

Mark said...

He's reffing the game TJ. He's being paid in cigarettes.

Mark said...

Essien playing in the back for Chelsea is a bit suprising.

TJ said...

So one of these teams is owned by a rich shady Russian and the other is owned by the Glazers?

rob said...

man, the pre-game pageantry is every bit as gay as the super bowl's. maybe these soccer folk are on to something.

Mark said...

Who the fuck starts a game at 11:45 pm? Europreans are weird.

rob said...

if i ever win the lottery, i'm hiring tommy smyth to follow me around and say pithy things.

rob said...

i believe it's 10:45, but your point stands.

Mark said...

Yes TJ. Sadly though, the Super Bowl doesn't have its own gay anthem like the Champions League.

TJ said...

"In the Navy"?

Mark said...

If I win I'm hiring Raftery. i'll hire Smyth for you Rob and we can hang out together.

Mark said...

You know, soccer players universal love for hookers is really underrated.

And Seedorf is fucking brutal in the booth already.

Mark said...

I wanna pay somebody like Greg to go out one night with headgear liek Peter Cech is wearing.

TJ said...

I'm hiring Norm MacDonald.

rob said...

if smyth says 'onions' during this match in any context, i'm sending mark a bottle of jameson's.

Mark said...

(fingers crossed)

rob said...

y'think ashley cole is at least a little embarrassed to be seen in public right now? what with his whoring and puking and all.

Mark said...

No chance. Whoring is practically a badge of honor in soccer.

Mark said...

I never knew Dave Roberts doubled as a soccer sideline reporter. That speed must come in handy.

Mark said...

Wow, great pass to Ronaldo and then he follows it up with amazing footwork. Tremendous skill.

Mark said...

Another nice play by Ronaldo...

rob said...

i was thinking more of the vomit-induced performance anxiety.

Mark said...

Yeah, thats probably a bit of an embarassment.

Whoa, Scholes took a pretty good shot to the head.

rob said...

why makelele? clarence doesn't understand.

Mark said...

The yellow was deserved for Scholes there, he threw a late elbow. I don't know about Makelele though. That seems like an NBA-esque double technical to keep things under control.

Mark said...

I'm looking forward to the 2nd half without Seedorf.

rob said...

so much for his shutout streak.

Mark said...

There we go...Ronaldo does it.

Mark said...

That was a great play all around. Hargreaves and Brown set that up beautifully with the two man game and Ronaldo timed it perfectly.

rob said...

timed it perfectly and placed it perfectly. no chance to stop that.

rob said...

van der saaaaaaaaar.

Mark said...

Wow, great header by Drogba and one hell of save.

rob said...

cech!

Mark said...

Okay TJ, you gonna tell me the last 45 seconds wasn't exciting? Three (maybe four) great saves total on either end of the field.

rob said...

if soccer was always like the last 10 minutes, americans might actually switch the channel from dancing with the stars to watch it.

rob said...

get out of my head, mark.

Mark said...

Van Der Saar was great and then Cech goes and completely overshadows him with two fantastic saves.

Mark said...

Thats the problem though, you have to sit through prolongerd stretches of back and forth midfield action to get something like we're seeing right now and often it still never materializes. Unless you appreciate some of the finer points of the game (or at least attempt to) its tough to engrossed by the game.

TJ said...

If I could see the action, maybe I could agree...but I am not by a TV.

rob said...

teves needs to finish that.

Mark said...

Chelsea dodged a bullet there. Sloppy D.

Mark said...

Yeah, surprsing that he couldn't get to that.

Mark said...

Chelsea has been completely outplayed but they could be right back in it if they finish this.

Mark said...

Nope...

rob said...

van der saar's gonna want that back.

rob said...

ferdinand, even more.

Mark said...

Wow, thats an inexcusable goal to give up. Ferdinand lost concentration late and it really cost ManU.

Mark said...

ManU has to feel like shit to go in tied after how badly they outplayed Chelsea in the first half. The goal is big period but the pyshcological effect it has is probably even bigger.

Mark said...

We've had an "indefatigable" and "incandescent" in the last 30 seconds. Nice.

Mark said...

This game is, predictably, getting a little chippy.

rob said...

and a 'niggling' from tommy. careful, mate.

rob said...

big, strong guy like drogba falls down like my 4 year-old. booooo.

rob said...

whoa! drogba.

Mark said...

Drogba!!! So close...

Mark said...

I've kinda got some shit to do fellas. You think we could get a goal before extra time?

rob said...

never mind the ballack.

Mark said...

Chelsea's controlled possession for much of the 2nd hafl but there execution near the box has been putrid.

Mark said...

Good Lord, Drogba is a whiny little bitch.

Mark said...

Ryan Giggs breaks the ManU appearances record. Jerry's tearing up somewhere...

TJ said...

Let's go to overtime or whatever you ninnies call it...now I can watch.

Mark said...

I never understood why UEFA wouldn't employ Golden Goal in the Final. What an amazing level of tension that would supply.

Mark said...

Extra time, TJ.

Greg said...

Chelsea's logo features an upright lion holding a staff. ManU's logo features an upright lion holding a trident (or maybe a hayfork).

Mark said...

and your shoulder features an upright Lion...

Mark said...

Its amazing that Ronaldo isn't completely gassed at this point.

TJ said...

These guys all have funny names.

Mark said...

Yes, John Terry is hilarious. Hell of a header to preserve the tie by him, by the way.

TJ said...

Is the douche from the razor ad on either of these teams?

Mark said...

Its a good thing for Carlos Tevez that he's so immensely talented b/c he's phenomenally ugly.

Mark said...

Thierry Henry? No, he plays for FC Barcelona. He spent much of his career at Arsenal, who are the other perenially top team in the Premier League.

TJ said...

Extra Extra Time...sweet.

Mark said...

Tevez might play harder than any player in soccer.

Mark said...

Also, I can't blame Chelsea but I really hate when teams start playing for penalty kicks.

Mark said...

Ahh, soccer fights. Lots of yelling, followed by a few shoves and then more yelling as players back away.

Mark said...

Drogba with the slap. He should've got a red card for being such a pussy.

Mark said...

Its tough to tell on TV but its really fucking pouring in Moscow...

Mark said...

Ryan Giggs...the transgessor. NBA announcers could learn a thing or two from soccer announcers.

Mark said...

PKs it is. Not my favorite way to end a game but it can be awfully exciting.

TJ said...

This is certainly better than Around the Horn...but then again, an enema is better than Around the Horn.

Mark said...

Rob, Tommy Smyth just called the net the "onion bag"...I think thats close enough. I'll be sending you my address for that bottle.

Mark said...

Ill take your word for it TJ.

rob said...

yup, he sure did. well earned.

Mark said...

Ronaldo choked his last PK. This should be interesting.

TJ said...

Uh...

Mark said...

What. an. asshole.

rob said...

how does one ship booze across state lines?

Mark said...

Why does Ronaldo think that stop, start bullshit is gonna be effective. No need for gimmicks, son.

Mark said...

By mail, and plastic peanuts?

rob said...

poor ronaldo, left to take solace in the world's hottest women, a fistful of blow, and a bottle of louis xiv.

TJ said...

Wow I just heard guys cheering in my bldg on that one.

rob said...

jameson's or bushmills?

Mark said...

Van Der Sarr has come awfully close twice now. tough luck.

Mark said...

Little bit of pressure here for Terry, huh?

rob said...

ohhh, terry deserved so much better than that.

TJ said...

Ho-lee. Shit.

Mark said...

Jameson's, which might be what Ronaldo is sending Terry after that kick. Well, either Terry or the grounds crew. Tough break.

Mark said...

See, soccer's not all bad TJ...

Mark said...

See, soccer's not all bad TJ...

TJ said...

That goalie should do the Cassell big balls dance.

Mark said...

Van Der Saar was due...He played the PKs as well as you can ever hope a keeper will.

rob said...

i hate the idea of the shootout, but i love the finality of it.

Mark said...

TJ got me there.

Rob, is that what you looked like after the big save you made during your college intramural game?

rob said...

ronaldo, you selfish bastard. go celebrate with your teammates.

rob said...

exactly so, except roughly a foot shorter. it's an awesome feeling.

Mark said...

I feel the same way Rob. Pretty exciting stuff.

Nice to see Ronaldo not be the goat there. No way ManU is where they ended up in UEFA or the Premiership without his extraordinary season.

rob said...

he really is a spectacular talent.

Mark said...

Good point Rob, it was a bit selfish but he may just have been thanking God for saving his ass.

And I can only imagine that feeling. i've hit a few buzzer beaters in my day and thats the greatest rush I've ever experienced.

Mark said...

With Ronaldo, Rooney and the like, its a good night to be a hooker in Moscow.

TJ said...

That Drago guy is a real douche for getting tossed huh?

rob said...

ahl

Mark said...

Yep, can't lose your cool that late in a match that looks sure to go to PKs. Shades of Zidane in the World Cup final.

rob said...

at least zidane made a man's contact. drogba's slap was embarrassing.

Mark said...

Indeed.

Pretty cool little platform setup that they have for the Champions. Way cooler than doing it on the field.

And man, do I feel bad for Terry. Like you said Rob, he deserved better than that.