Here to brighten your day...

There’s a noticeable hop in my step today because today is undoubtedly one of my favorite days of the year. No, its not the beginning of fall practice for my beloved Gators. That was Saturday. Rather, the source of my joy on this Wednesday is the resumption of class for all public schools here in Brevard County. For me there’s really nothing quite like the feeling I get when I see all those little rats, that have mocked me all summer with their aimless wanderings (to and fro…those punks), standing at their bus stops early in the morning. Some might say that deriving this level of satisfaction from a group of people’s collective pain makes me a petty person or, even a jerk. To that I say, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Since I’m writing today about things that put a hop in my step, I figure I’ll keep the ball rolling.

Most people who know me are aware that I love hip-hop like few other art forms. Within this genre there are any number of sub-categories to choose from. However, no category of song in hip-hop elicits the kind of reaction from me like the well honored hip-hop tradition of the “diss track”. Even if your last concert featured the Kenny Chesney-Manning Brother love triangle belting out twang filled lyrics on stage, I’m pretty sure that the term “diss track” is descriptive enough not to merit further explanation from me. With that in mind, I present to you a breakdown of what I consider to be the world’s greatest diss track: Tupac Shakur’s Hit ‘Em Up

While many diss tracks feature the same composition as most other hip-hop songs (3-4 verses and 2-3 choruses) Hit ‘Em Up is so filled with anger and vitriol that the song seems to bounce from subject to subject with little regard for story telling, or even overall direction. Under normal circumstances this would present a problem. However, it is this scatter brained fury that makes this song so very powerful and engrossing. What follows is my best attempt to break down all the shots and insults encompassed in this 4 minute opus of abhorrence, venom and good old fashioned ill will.

Tupac swings for the fences in the songs first line, firing his first shot across Biggie’s bow by exclaiming “Thats why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker.” Well then, I think we all know where this is going. After this, Tupac says that he and his crew are quote “Bad Boy Killers”. The first, but certainly not the last time he will claim to be such. All of this plus some other claims all come before the rapping even begins. Almost a foreword to the novella of hate that is to follow.

Eventually, Tupac begins to rap by shouting, “First off, fuck your bitch and the click you claim”. I like how Pac is itemizing here in the beginning. Kind of his way of letting the listeners know that he’s got a long list of stuff to get to. My mom does this when she calls me with numerous newsworthy items to deliver (sans the gratuitous profanity). Later in the verse, Pac refutes Biggie’s claims of playadom by once again stating that he f’ed Big’s wife and again states that he’d like to shoot all of the Bad Boy crew (I’m keeping a running total of some things here that I’ll get to at the end). As the verse continues, Pac proceeds to call Puffy “weak” and label both Biggie and all of Junior Mafia as “mark ass bitches”. Extra credit to Pac for using the term mark ass bitches…always a crowd pleaser. After this, Pac decides to throw a little venom toward some of Big’s associates, lest they feel left out. It’s at this point that Pac threatens to cut Lil Cease’s “young ass up” and then tells Lil Kim that she shouldn’t “fuck around with real G’s” while intimating that she’s a woman of the night by saying he will “snatch her ugly ass off the streets” and finally, in the interest of rhyming, exclaims “Fuck peace”. Good thing Pac added that nugget, I was beginning to get the wrong impression. Pac ends his first verse by saying that Bad Boy will get “murdered on wax AND killed” (just in case we thought he was saying all this euphemistically I presume) and then promises to peel the respective caps of the Bad Boy crew.

After all of this, Tupac finally makes his way to a chorus. A chorus that’s near perfect as far as I’m concerned. I’ll simply let the words speak for themselves in this instance:

“Grab your glocks when you see Tupac/ Call the cops when you see Tupac (uhh)/ Who shot me, but you punks didn’t finish/ now you about to feel the wrath of a menace/ N*gg# I hit em up.”

It’s at this point that Tupac actually insults the very people with whom he rhymes on this track (The Outlawz) by exclaiming, “Check this out. You motherfuckers know what time it is. I don’t even know why I’m on this track. Ya’ll n*gg#s ain’t even on my level. I’m going to let my little homies ride on you bitch made ass Bad Boy bitches.” I love this little interlude because I always imagine the other rappers sitting in the studio hearing this and feeling a little dissed by Pac (rightfully so). Yet wisely deciding not to say anything that might further enrage the rapper, lest they receive a vicious pistol whipping reminiscent of Kane’s bludgeoning of Chauncey in Menace II Society.

The next verse isn’t much to write home about other than the rappers numerous threats on Biggie, Junior Mafia, and Puffy. If nothing else, it’s impressive in it’s efficiency. Somehow this guy manages to cram 7 death threats into a measly 12 lines of lyrics. Nice work. This verse is followed by the aforementioned “greatest chorus ever”.

Tupac comes back for verse #3, starting the verse off by saying that he and his crew “keep it real as penitentiary steel”. I have no idea what this means but I’ve never been to jail and Tupac had (numerous times) so I’m going to cede to the expert on this one and assume that penitentiary steel is as real as it gets. Next, Pac informs the listener that “this ain’t no freestyle battle” in case we weren’t sure of his intentions and then follows this up by telling Biggie and Co. that “all you n*gg#s getting killed with you mouths open(?)”. I’m guessing that this is a much worse way to get killed than with your mouth closed. As the verse rolls on Pac begins to expand his “diss game” by insulting the financial security of both Biggie and Junior Mafia by rapping “Talking ‘bout you getting money but its funny to me. All you n*gg#as livin bummy while you fuckin with me.” To further shame his targets Pac shouts “I’m a self made millionaire (umm, I think Suge Knight might have had a hand in that Pac…just saying) Thug livin, out of prison, pistols in the air.” In order to further prove Biggie’s lack of wealth Pac brings up the past by announcing “Biggie remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch and beg the bitch to let you sleep at the house?” Pac goes on to finish the verse by referencing the five bullets he took and how they couldn’t even stop him. Finishing with true panache by saying, “Now I’m back to set the record straight. With my A-k I’m still the thug that you love to hate. Motherfucker, I hit em up!”

The next verse features another one of Pac’s aforementioned “little homies”. As was the case with the earlier verse, this one lacks a lot of truly memorable lines, save for a few choice cuts. Especially funny to me is the line where he calls the Junior Mafia the “Junior Whopper Click”. I’m not sure why the comparison of a low grade rap group to a discount burger tickles my funny bone but it does, time and time again.

This verse is followed by one more little homey verse that includes lots of average rapping lines about killing, shooting, killing, and just a dash of murder. Oh yeah, he also calls Biggie “softer than Alize with a chaser”. Which (I assume having never drank Alize) is extremely effin' weak.

Finally, Tupac re-enters the track. However, Pac’s approach on his third time around is just a little different than the previous two efforts. To label this as “rapping” would be tremendously narrow minded of the listener. What Tupac does on the rest of this song is more akin to spoken word poetry than rapping. Spoken word poetry that is laced with profanity and not-so-vague threats on people’s lives, mind you.

There’s some truly fantastic material in here. Pac gets started right away by calmly stating, “Now you tell me who won?/I see them, they run/They don’t want to see us/Whole Junior Mafia click dressing up trying to be us/how the fuck they gonna be the mob/when we always on our job/we millionaires/killing ain’t fair/but somebody got to do it."

As a matter of record, those last two lines (beginning with “killing aint fair”) are my senior yearbook quote. Alright, that’s a lie, but only because we didn’t have yearbook quotes at my high school.

Pac isn’t done yet, far from it. His vitriol spills over and begins to spread towards many other rappers as Pac calls out such rappers such as Mobb Deep, “Oh yeah, Mobb Deep/You wanna fuck with us/You little young ass motherfuckers/Don’t one of you n*gg#s got sickle cell or something/You fucking with me/You fuck around and have a seizure or a heart attack or something/You better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up.”

From here things quickly deteriorate as Pac utters that famous Shakespearean phrase, “We bringing drama/Fuck you and your motherfucking mama.” Shortly after this Pac starts to become homicidal in his tone as he calls out everyone from Biggie to Mobb Deep to Chino XL (I’ve still never figured out how he ended up in Pac’s cross hairs) to even members of the Bad Boy Staff and record label by repeatedly exclaiming “Fuck you too” after each person’s (or groups) name is uttered.

Finally, Pac gets back to his hateful tribute to spoken word by ending the song with this classic piece of prose:

“All of ya’ll motherfuckers/Fuck you die slow mother fucker/My fo-fo makes sure all yo kinds don’t grow/You mother fuckers can’t be us or see us/We mother fuckin Thug Life riders, West side ‘til we die/Out here in California we warned ya/We’ll bomb on you mother fuckers. (Can somebody tell me how the California TDC hasn’t commissioned this slogan yet?)

But wait, Pac’s not done yet: “We do our job/You think you the mob, n*gg#, we the motherfuckin mob/Ain’t nothing but killers and the real n*gg#s/all you mother fuckers feel us/Our shit goes triple and four quatro (Uhh, ok?)/You n*gg#s laugh cause our staff got guns in they mother fucking belts/You know how it is when we drop records they felt/You niggas can’t feel it/We the realest/fuck ‘em/We Bad Boy Killers!!!

Its really just beautiful isn’t it? Even as a fan who always preferred Biggie to Tupac, its easy for me to see the artistry involved in such a hate filled song. I may be wrong but I don’t think any of us will ever hear a diss track so complete in its scope for as long as we live. Unless of course the Sheena Easton-Gloria Estefan diss track from back in ’86 is ever leaked on the internet.

You DO NOT want it with Sheena. Seriously, just back up.

As promised, here are the totals for some of the more common themes expressed on Hit ‘Em Up:

- Claims on relations with Faith Evans: 3

- Labeling himself and his crew as “Bad Boy Killers”: 4

- Shout outs to the “West Side”: 6

- Plain ole F-Us: 11

- Use of the word Motherfucker: 19

- Various threats of killing/stabbing/shooting, etc.: 32

Finally, for sticking with this post until it’s completion. Here’s one last thing that makes life a little easier to deal with, a Ruben Patterson story.