Friday, May 05, 2006

Does getting drunk and eating a Spicy Chicken Burrito at 3 am count as celebrating?

It’s Friday and its also Cinco de Mayo, another one of the roughly 27 meaningless “holidays” that exist in this country for the sole reason of socially acceptable daytime drinking. Listen, I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy meaningless reasons to drink, rather that I never really need a holiday to convince me to get sloshed while the sun's still out. I may not still be in college, but I can sure as hell pretend like I am. Anyway, I won’t be doing any of the typically nauseating Cinco de Mayo activities at my local bar tonight because I have to attend a Cinco de Mayo event for work that promises to be inifinitely more nauseating than anything that you’re likely to see at your local watering hole. Just the mere thought of what awaits me this evening is enough to make me long for the friendly confines of that shit bag Mexican restaurant in Seattle. At least I have an excuse to gawk at the pathetic masses that will surely be in attendance this evening, as I’ll be manning the camera for the short time that I’m actually in attendance.

Other than my early evening obligations, I couldn’t be in a much better mood. The Cavs and Wiz square off in Game 6 tonight in what has been a phenomenally entertaining back and forth series thus far. As if that wasn’t enough, I’m also still riding high after staying up (late, oh so late) to watch the conclusion of Suns-Lakers Game 6 last night. Damn that game was fan-fucking-tastic. I don’t really care who wins the series (I’ll be rooting for the Clip joint in round 2 regardless) but I did care to see what has been one of the more entertaining series in recent memory (Wiz-Cavs is right up there too) go the distance. Here’s hoping that the Wiz can tie it up tonight and send that series back to Cleveland for another deciding Game 7. I don’t have a whole lot for you guys today, other than the latest batch of random thoughts that I’ve been stewing over.

- Anthony “the Godfather of Charleston” Johnson scored 40 points last night…in a playoff game…that was tightly contested. It’s official, the NBA no longer makes any sense to me. I feel like I just found out that my dad is really my uncle or something. Even though I watched nearly the entire game I’m still not ready to accept that this actually happened. I won’t even discuss the Tim Thomas playoff explosion for fear that my brain will explode right here at my desk.

- Actually, speaking of Tim Thomas. Is there a Bulls or Knicks fan alive who wouldn’t voluntarily fly to Phoenix and stab Thomas in the chest right now if they knew they could escape prosecution?

- In each of the last two Pacers-Nets games, Vince Carter drove down the left side of the lane for what would prove to be clinching (or near clinching buckets) and scored over Jermaine O’Neal. Each time O’Neal failed to attempt to block the shot, instead choosing to half-heartedly attempt to draw a charge on Carter. Can we finally all agree that O’Neal isn’t the franchise player that he’s been billed as? Can we also agree that his lack of dominance is as responsible for the Pacers’ underachievement as any of the other reasons (Artest, Crazy Steve Jackson, The Brawl, Rick Carlisle's offense) that are constantly cited by the media horde who loves Jermaine so much?

- One more Pacers note: Peja Stojakovic is officially a bigger bitch than Keith Van Horn could ever be. Van Horn may be a huge wet snatch during crunch time, but at least he’s on the floor. Peja’s been nothing short of invisible during each and every one of his teams’ big playoffs moments. His knee injury this year was just the latest edition in a series of disappointments. Finally, I think that I know Otis Smith isn’t this stupid but, if by some chance, the Magic offer Stojakovic a free contract this summer then I pledge, right here and now, to jump off a building. A tall one too.

Yes, Keith. Peja is that big of a pussy. You are off the hook.

- I’m no Giants fan so take this with a grain of salt. Considering that their first round selection is a guy who is very unlikely to even see the field on anything other than special teams during his rookie year, and their second round pick is an overrated midget, why wouldn’t they have just gone ahead and selected Santonio Holmes with their original first round choice? The Giants were clearly looking for a third receiver to spark their offense from the slot and give them big play potential. Holmes represents a significant upgrade in these areas over Sinorice Moss. Furthermore, there is little difference between Moss and Holmes in terms of special teams contributions. What exactly was gained by trading down and selecting Kiwanuka late in the first? I’m usually in favor of trading down and also happen to think Kiwanuka will be a very good player in the NFL. However, this particular decision perplexes me.

- I realize that underrated is a relative term when you’re talking about the fourth leading scorer in the NBA. With that said, Gilbert Arenas is as underrated as he could possibly be. The guy is (sung like Rick James) cold blooded.

- I was listening to those ridiculous long distance phone commercials with Michael McDonald doing his best Luther Vandross impersonation last night when I suddenly realized something. Michael McDonald is the original wigger. This guy’s been doing his thing for thirty plus years now and he gets absolutely no credit for it. I see you Mac.


- I wouldn’t want the Magic to give up a much in order to get him (and frankly I don’t think that they’d have to) but I would really like to see them make a run at J.R. Smith this summer. Even before he stomped Byron Scott’s puppy to death early this season, I was never as high on him as a lot of other people. He’s got a very weak handle for a shooting guard and plays defense like Greg uses contraception. However, he is still just 21 with a good jumper and amazing hops. Wouldn’t it be worth a shot to see if the Magic could get him and groom him with the rest of the young talent on that squad?

- With 4:26 left in last night’s first quarter, Leandro Barbosa went to the Phoenix locker room in order to receive four stitches to his chin and lip from a Kobe Bryant elbow to the chops. TNT even managed to get a clear shot of it on replay. So, maybe Raja Bell wasn’t being an irrational little bitch after all, huh?

- I wonder if Kwame Brown’s hands smell like cabbage too?

- I was watching ESPN’s replay of The Impossible Jump today while I was running (bonus points for the shameless cross-promotion of MI:3) when ESPN did a little piece on the guy who started the whole motorcycle daredevil thing, Evel Knievel. As the piece was wrapping up, Suzy Kolber mentioned that Evel wasn’t going to be in attendance for health reasons (read: a liver the size of Rhode Island). She then casually mentioned that Evel was a close family friend of hers, with ESPN showing us a pic of Kolber, Evel and Kolber’s father. Suddenly Kolber’s adept handling of the whole Joe Namath situation made a lot more sense. I’m sure Suzy’s been brushing off the drunk advances of Evel since she was old enough to shave her legs.

- Do you think that Sasha Vujavic hangs out in the back of the room cheering on Kobe when he has sex with groupies on the road? Does he hug him from behind afterwards too?

- I’m also sure that plenty of people are sick of me writing about the University of Florida Men’s basketball program, but something I found out today definitely bears mentioning. Billy Donovan and Co. have signed on to play Kansas in Las Vegas next November and have just recently inked a deal to take on Greg Oden and Ohio State in Gainesville on December 23rd. Is there a record for most NBA scouts in attendance at any one collegiate game? If so, it’s probably going to be broken twice in a month’s span.

- Finally, I’m glad that I’m not extremely emotionally invested in the Florida Baseball team.


Greg said...

Michael McDonald is totally the O.W.

Greg said...

To commemorate C de M, go ahead and park on the lawn. Then wash some dishes. Also, try to shorten yourself to like 5'3 or so.

Greg said...

I am sick of the ads.
"be a man; use our soap"

Jerry said...

And grow a damn mustache.

FWIW, it's been said (somewhat reliably) that Moss was the #1 WR on the Giants' board, so Holmes and Jackson were never considered at 25 or 32. I'm not a fan of the draft at all, but the logic behind the trade down was that it gave them enough ammo to trade back up and get Moss while maintaining a full slate of picks. I've also heard (somewhat reliably) that Kiwanuka was the pick at 25 if they'd stayed put.

Anthony Johnson was awesome for the entire series, but the 40 was inconceivable.

O'Neal was very good in game 3 - and over the course of the series he had him moments, but I agree with the overall assessment. I'm also pleased that Vince is taking it to the tin in crunch time.

Mark said...

If that's the case with Moss and Kiwanuka, then you can't fault the strategy of the Giants' front office. I'm not personally very high on Moss but that comes down to a matter of opinion. They are professionals so maybe I should cede to their evaluations.

O'Neal did have some big moments and is a player worthy of plenty of praise and All-Star selections. However, I always feel ike he's a full step below a number of the other franchise guys in the league, especially the bigs. His average overall leadership and offensive dependence on his baseline fadeway have alot to do with that.

Vince does seem to have grown some onions this postseason (thus far).