Friday, December 10, 2004

Can we change Denny Neagle's name to John?

Its Friday and for some reason it feels different than most other Fridays. It could be because I didn't go out and get blackout drunk last nigth, but I doubt it. Of course, I did still have a few drinks...what am I a monk? As a result of this, you'll only be getting some random thoughts as oppossed to the well thought out theories that I usually give to you. Who am I kidding? Even when I'm operating at my full capabilities I'm barely able to string together a couple of poorly worded paragraphs. Well, you get what you pay for. Away we go:

Something that is slipping under the radar with this whole Carmelo Anthony/"Stop Snitching" DVD thing is the marketing acumen shown by these Baltimore drug dealers. Not only did they time the release of this DVD with the Xmas shopping push but they also managed to tie it in with the final two episodes of "The Wire" (based in Baltimore). Pretty impressive stuff for a couple of guys named "Skinny Suge" and "Blickie". MLB should hire these guys to do a campaign for the Nationals.

Tony Allen absolutely took over the Celtics-Blazers game last night for about two minutes. Now, he's probably not the Black Jesus like Bill Simmons would have us believe but with his combination of defense and athleticism he should play in the NBA for at least 10 years. If he ever learns to shoot (at all) he has a legit chance at making a couple of All-Star teams.

Does anybody in the league have worse body language than Paul Pierce? Seriously, its like his Mom took his bike away from him for 48 straight minutes.

I actually tuned in to the Celtics-Blazers game last night to take a look at Sebastian Telfair and I must say that I was impressed. Other than his 27% shooting percentage, he looked very competent running the point. He's put on at least 15 lbs of muscle and was able to get into the lane whenever he wanted. He never looked lost or uncomfortable out there, which is more than you can say for most of the straight out of high school kids. If he keeps working hard he has a chance to be a top 5 point guard in the NBA.

If I were the Blazers GM, I would keep Zach Randolph, Darius Miles, and Telfair and trade everybody else for draft picks, cash, and salary cap room. These are three very young and talented guys who you could let grow together and build around. You already have a proven low post scorer (Randolph), a do-it-all small forward (Miles) and a young pass first point guard (Telfair). Thats a better foundation than 60% of the teams in the NBA. Of course, knowing the Blazers they'll trade for Jerry Stackhouse and sign Jayson Williams

I know that it probably came out a while ago but I just recently saw the Roy Williams (Cowboys DB) MTV Cribs...WOW. Definitely not what I expected. I'm not trying to cast dispersions on the man but I swore that I saw a case of Schmitt's Gay in his fridge.

Since we're bringing up ancient history there is something that his been bothering me for a while now. Am I the only person who think that maybe, just maybe David Wesley had Bobby Phils killed? Think about it for a minute. Wesley, who was the Hornets starting point guard at the time, knew that he would soon be losing his job to rookie Baron Davis and that Phils had the shooting guard spot locked up. After all the years of struggling to make the NBA and establish himself, Wesley simply couldn't bear the thought of coming off the bench. After a few well placed phone calls he asks Phils if he wants to race home from practice. Phils agrees and then is hit by another car on his way home, leading to his untimely death. Unlikely, sure. Horrible, absolutely. Impossible, not so fast. Remember, this is the same city that produced the Fred Lane and Rae Carruth murder cases. I'm just saying...

Has there ever been two receivers from Oregon State in the NFL at the same time much less on the same team? Normally this would say everything that you need to know about the Bengals, but both Chad Johnson and TJ Housjhfddfzjdj have become very reliable receivers. Plus, when you factor in TJ's ponytail (actually longer than a pony's tail) and the general craziness that is Chad Johnson you have to like the Bengals' future. Now if they can just keep Dennis Weathersby from having another near death experience this summer then the Bengals should be in good shape.

Listen, nobody hates Peyton Manning more than me. Nobody cheered louder when he lost the Heisman because he couldn't beat Florida, ever. But give the man his due. When Bill Simmons tried to say that Peyton was playing deep into games in an effort to break Dan Marino's record it showed what a biased homer he is. Hey Bill, maybe Manning is playing so deep into games because he has a Mountain West caliber defense. Don't even get me started on Simmons hinting that Belichick has purposely kept games close just so other teams have less film to watch on the Pats. Yeah, the Pats are SO good that they just sandbag against the Cleveland's of the world. What a joke.

So apparently ESPN is showing some movie titled "3" tommorrow night? I overheard one of my co-workers talking about this earlier today and I can't believe I haven't seen any commercials or even heard a promo about it. Its really too bad that ESPN doesn't have any advertising people who know how to beat the proverbial "dead horse".

If I could only have two NBA moments on tape it would be, without question, Latrell Sprewell attacking Jerome Kersey with a 2' x 4' and Rasheed Wallace pegging Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje in the head with a ball from 60 feet away. What this says about me...I'm not so sure.

Did you see Tracy McGrady drop 13 points on the Spurs in the final 35 seconds last night? That was amazing. Do you think that McGrady will ever realize that he's never played a full game at maximum intensity or that he'll just be content to be my generation's George Gervin? Without the coke habit, of course.

Denny Neagle just lost $19 million because he paid some crackhead hooker $40 for head. What? What? What? If I was a hard up multi-millionaire in a major metropolitan area, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to find the number of an escort service. The internet was invented for a reason...and its not

Did you hear that UConn's loss to UMass last night was their first loss to UMass in 19 years? That sounds great. Yet, this becomes much less impressive when you find out that UConn didn't play UMass when they were (how should I word this?) a competent basketball team. Somehow I get the feeling that if Quinnipiac were to awaken the echoes that Jim Calhoun would have to cancel the annual game because he had mistakenly scheduled a game against Foxwoods University on the same day. Its too bad that Bobby Bowden couldn't do this to Miami, if so FSU might have actually won a national championship in the 80's.

Speaking of hookers and UConn...I had a great time making fun of the UConn basketball team this summer after one of their assistant coaches was picked up for soliciting a hooker who was an undercover police officer. I let the UConn fans I know hear it all summer. It was awesome. Until yester day when I opened up the paper to see that former University of Florida men's basketball player and current asst. coach Major Parker had been arrested for selling a half a kilo of blow to an undercover Gainesville cop. How sad. When you get busted for picking up a hooker you get a fine and community service...when you get busted for selling a half a kilo you end up doing another type of community service and I don't mean highway cleanup.

With that on thier minds, the Gators will try and exact some revenge on a Louisville team that absolutely embarrassed them last year. I was in New Orleans at the time and I almost poured hot sauce into my eyes just so I wouldn't have to watch Matt Walsh trying to guard Francisco Garcia. Everything that Garcia did ended up turning into a Louisville bucket. This might have something to do with the fact that Walsh can't guard a potted plant, much less a future NBA first rounder. With that said, the key to this year's game is Florida freshman Corey Brewer. Brewer is a great defensive player who should have his hands full with the multi-talented Garcia. For those of us who really enjoy the great individual matchups that basketball provides, this should be very exciting. Sadly, that eliminates everybody in America other than me and 6 other people. Of course, that still excites more people than any Atlanta Hawks game. This game should tell us alot about the Gators this year. Besides the Brewer-Garcia matchup there are some key questions to be answered in this game. Can Florida handle Louisville's pressure? Can David Lee take advantage of a thin Louisville frontcourt? Can Dick Vitale make it through a whole game without mentioning Matt Walsh's girlfriend? I say No, Yes and, Not even for the first five minutes. Which is fantastic, because thats why we tune in to college basketball on hear somebody tell pointless stories that have nothing to do with the actual game. At least we don't have to hear Vitale ramble on about Jim Valvano for another year.

If you're bored tonight... First of all, go buy some liquor. Then tune in to ESPN2 and watch the College of William & Mary take on James Madison University in the Div. I-AA quaterfinals. These are two natural, conference rivals who will be playing to advance to a place that neither of these schools' football programs have ever been. You will not see two teams play with more intensity or passion than in this game tonight.

Go Tribe.

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