Friday, November 19, 2004

At least I'm not in Tallahasee...

Florida-Florida State weekend is upon us and I couldn't be less happy. Surprisingly enough, this has nothing do with the fact that Florida sucks this year. This year will mark the first time since 1995 (my junior year in high school) that I won't be attending this game. Even worse than that, is the fact that I probably won't even get to watch much of this game as I am working a concert tommorrow night. How would I describe this turn of events? Horrible, just horrible. I haven't been this bent out of shape over working since I got that job as a fluffer in Van Nuys, CA.

I do however, still harbor an inordiante amount of hate for a school that every member of my family attended so we'll delve into that as your week ends and mine slowly drags along like that dog tied to Clark Griswold's bumper in Vacation (and no, I'm not bitter at all).

Before tommorrow's game, FSU will be christening the field of Doak Campbell Stadium as "Bobby Bowden Field". Maybe its just me but I find this whole trend of naming courts or fields after coaches a little disingenuos. Can't you just wait until these guys retire and/or die before you name something after them? And we're now going to be subjected to intros that go something like, "Welcome to Coach K Court at Cameron Indoor Stadium for Duke University vs. The University of North Carolina." Give me a break. Pick a facilty name and leave it at that. One other note on this Bobby Bowden lovefest, they dedicated a statue to that old liver spot earlier in the year but there was one VERY key thing missing from the statue of this football "coach"....give up? A headset. Maybe thats because good ole' St. Bobby has been doing his best Queen of England impersonation for the last decade and is nothing more than a figurehead who charms parents on the recruting trail. If you hadn't guessed by now, I can't stand that old man and his fake southern charm. He gets a free pass from the media because he's old and affable even though he runs a program as dirty and corrupt as any in the country. Don't believe me? Ask Lavernues Coles what he thinks.

It's over for Zook but he would forever be fondly remembered by Gators of all ages if he won tommorrow. Its a long shot but its his ONLY shot at Gator immortality.

Bobby Meeks will start at right tackle for FSU tommorrow. Just as he has since all season long despite the fact that when he was arrested this summer he had to be pepper sprayed AND tasered by police in order to subdue him. Good guy.

I'll probably regret saying this tommorrow but for a guy who announced his college choice live on Sportscenter, Lorenzo Booker sure hasn't done a whole lot in his college career. Third down back, nothing more.

If the Gators are to win, either Chad Jackson or Andre Caldwell needs 100 yards receiving. It will take more than that but it won't happen without it.

Buster Davis may play for FSU but he's awesome, just always seems to be around the ball. Plus, he walks exactly like Willie McGee, its like Willie and Grace Jones had a love child in the early 80's and dropped him off on somebody's doorstep in Daytona Beach.

Am I the only Florida fan who is having Marcus Outzen-Marquand Manuel flashbacks everytime I think about Wyatt Sexton and Cory Bailey? Really? I can't be the only one.

I guess we can safely assume that the reports of Craphonso Thorpe running a faster 40 time in the spring were false. Not that I'm saying anybody in the FSU program would lie. I'm certainly not saying that. A funny story about brother-in-law is a Tallacrappy native and one of his friends used to coach youth football, we'll call him Jim. Many years ago, Jim had the first pick in the Pop Warner draft and since there are no tryouts for Pop Warner football he really had no idea who to pick. So, Jim grabbed the list and scanned for names looking for the most, uh...urban sounding name when he came across the name Craphonso Thorpe. He was sold and picked him first. Needless to say, he was not dissapointed and with the "Thorpe Offense" (Thorpe right, Thorpe left, Thorpe up the middle) at his disposal, Jim cruised to a league title. At least Craphonso went undefeated in some kind of football league along the way.

I'm keenly interested to see whether it's a Cuban or Puerto Rican that is dressed up as a Chief Osceola this year...frankly, I may have trouble sleeping tonight.

When I heard Travis Johnson talking about a lack of class by the Gators earlier this week, I almost got whiplash from the double take I took. Hey Travis. Wasn't that YOUR team stomping on the Gator logo last year? What team did Darnell Docket play for when he wrenched Earnest Graham's leg ( later bragging about it) and then tried to stomp on Rex Grossman's hand? Oh my bad...I didn't know we weren't allowed to bring up the past.

If I see Chris Rix come off the bench for FSU tommorrow night, I'm going to burn off my eyelids. For such a shitty QB he sure manages to find his groove against UF. Its like we're the Cleveland Browns and he's John Elway when he lines up under center versus Florida. I'm getting ill just thinking about all the possible scenarios.

This game will come down to two things...1. Florida's D-line: If they are unable to at least slow down the FSU running game, specifically Leon Washington, it will be a very , very long night for UF. 2. Chris Leak: Leak has to have a good to great night and MUST avoid anything more than one turnover and that turnover cannot be costly (see: deep in UF territory or in the red zone). Plus, Leak must buy time with his legs and make yardage from broken plays. A very tall order for a sophomore going into Doak for the first time. If he can though...a legend will be born.

How many current FSU players do you think Bobby Bowden can recognize and name without any help? Ten, eleven...tops.

The FSU football dorm is named Burt Reynolds Hall...I'm not even kidding here. It says alot about your school when one of your dorms is named after a guy who starred in "Smokey and the Bandit".

Another fun FSU fact...they have there very own CIRCUS. Yes, that's right a circus. Located right there on campus with garnet and gold big tops and all. What a fine institution. Florida has a world renowned Medical school AND Law school while FSU has a circus. I think this illustrates the differences between the two universities as succintly as possible.

Geez....I think I need a nap after thinking about all of that. Maybe when I wake up I won't have to work tommorrow...or not. Go Gators!

1 comment:

CFunk28 said...

3 words to help you rest easy...Action Chad Jackson.

And who names their kid after feces. CRAPhonso, seriously.