Thursday, June 05, 2008

Yep, I'm fucking old.

As I've progressed in life there are often times when I realize just how much I've advanced in age. I'm not yet at the point where this is a regular occurrence but when these moments do take place, they hit me like a ton of bricks. Today would be one of those moments. You see, I'm going on a cruise today. Only its not the kind of cruise that normally springs to mind when you think of a 30 year old drunkard. No, I'm going on a Disney Cruise. Thats right, Mickey, Donald and the whole goddamned cast of jew hating characters will be frollicking about with me and approximately 400 screaming, whining little shits.

This cruise was a Christmas present from my parents to our entire family, and since each of my sisters and there husbands are all firmly entrenched in familial existences, and my girlfriend has a daughter as well, the 'Rents thought it'd be a swell time to get the whole family together for a cruise. Ugggh. Don't get me wrong, I love my nieces and nephews and I love the rest of my family. I adore my girlfriend and her child. What I don't particularly care (read: loathe with extreme prejudice) are the children of other people and/or the presence of pasty white tourists. With that said, I'm guessing my hate sensors will be on overload over the next few days as I wade through a sea of just these types of people. Under normal circumstances I'd simply say "fuck it", grab a drink and head to the casino. Unfortunately, Disney Cruises don't have casinos (Are you fucking kidding me?) and I'm doubtful that the assembled staff members look kindly upon binge drinking.

So, here I sit...bags packed, smile plastered on my face with the hopes that this "vacation" turns out better than I'm anticipating. Wish me luck. God knows I'll need it.

4 comments:

Greg said...

Yikes!!! That's gonna be rough. Is the cruise going somewhere cool? Like Jamaica?

Mark said...

Nope, the Bahamas. I just got back this morning and it was actually better than I expected (which isn't saying much). I drank a ton and the food was fantastic (which is much more than I can say for my previous cruise experience). The kids were entertained and babysat for for a large majority of the time. All in all, it was fairly relaxing if not completely skewed to my personal preferences.

One more thing, Orlando Pace was on the cruise with his wife and 4 kids. He is FUCKING ENORMOUS and a pretty nice guy to boot. I shot the shit with him at a bar during Game 1 for about 15 minutes. His wife is all of 5'2" and 115 lbs. I'm not even sure how they have sex.

Greg said...

Orlando "Tubby" Pace lists at 6'7" and 320 pounds. So, that's 1'5" and 200 pounds of mass more than his wife. Yikes.

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