Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Originally I was going to write up a recap of the Gators’ mildy maddening victory over Alabama on Saturday. However, with a HUGE game against LSU approaching this weekend, its a pretty sure bet that I’ll be tackling some Gator football related items in my next post. With that in mind I decided that it would probably be better for all of us if I held off on my post-game analysis until Thursday, when I’ll attempt to preview the upcoming SEC showdown against the Bayou Bengals within the context of Saturday’s win over the Tide.

What does all that mean? Not much actually, other than you’ll have to wait a little longer for my thoughts on the #5 ranked college football team in the nation…and today’s post is going to be a collection of random thoughts from the weekend that was…

- Somehow, someway the Cardinals managed to avoid infamy and squeeze their way into the playoffs. As much as it pains me to say this, the fans of St. Louis owe a debt of gratitude to the Atlanta Braves organization, as it’s highly unlikely that the Cards would’ve had the ability to qualify for the playoffs on their own merit. Of course, none of this really matters now. St. Louis’ playoff run starts today and, if things hold to form, it’s gonna be a whole hell of a lot closer to a 40 yard dash than a miraculous October marathon. Whatever, we’re still in the playoffs.

- It might be time for me to consider changing the title of this blog. Drunk and Stupid doesn’t seem to accurately capture my life as well as it once did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still quite drunk and quite stupid. It’s just that, in light of my fantasy football ineptitude of the past weekend, I think adding the word (or words) “lazy, unbelievable fucking lazy” to that list of adjectives might be good idea. You see, I managed to lose in, not one but, both of my fantasy leagues this week because I forgot to set my roster. By not taking, oh I don’t know, five minutes out of my day on either Friday or Saturday (days upon which there were many opportunities for such a respite) I ended up sitting Larry Johnson (both leagues), Steve Smith, Maurice Jones-Drew, Antonio Gates (both leagues), Greg Jennings and Jerrious Norwood. As you might have guessed by now, I was completely destroyed in both leagues, losing by a combined 101 points.
- I was going mention the off-the-charts entertainment value of the Skins-Jags game in this space, but resident Al Saunders paramour Geoff just posted a much more comprehensive look at the game than I could have over at the Wheelhouse.
Seriously, what a game that turned out to be. After Brunell’s interception I was pretty sure that rabid Skins fans were going to burn down FedEx Field like a bunch of Brazilians burning toilets at a soccer game in an attempt to get Jason Campbell under center. However, Brunell recovered quickly, due in large part to Santana Moss and his game breaking creativity. As much as I wanted him to die on Sunday (He was torching my aforementioned fantasy teams. Yes, both of them), watching him run in the open field is one of the more enjoyable aspects of any NFL Sunday. Finally, the impact of Clinton Portis should never be overlooked as he clearly makes every single player in that offense more effective in their given roles. His ability to run with equal levels of effectiveness on the outside or within the tackles makes this Redskin offense as versatile as any the NFC has seen in recent vintage. Seriously, think about much more effective this unit could be with a steadier signal caller. Is there anybody who wouldn’t have the Skins as NFC Champs with Hasselbeck playing QB in place of Brunell? So much for not mentioning the Skins-Jags game.

- While the Skins-Jags game was undoubtedly the game of the week in the NFL. College football’s game of the week came from a much more unlikely source: Rutgers-USF. I watched most of this game on Friday night. First at the bar and then at my house. In fact, I was so into the second half of this game that I actually decided to stay home and watch it’s conclusion instead of going out. That doesn’t mean I didn’t get drunk. It’s just saying an awful lot when I eschew drinking with friends in order to stay home and watch two teams that I have absolutely no attachment to. Because I was drunk (and getting progressively more drunk) I won’t even bother with any analysis other than to say, that if you’re still sleeping on Rutgers it’s about time you stopped. They’ve got some legit NFL talent on that team and Schiano seems to have instilled the program with some genuine swagger. In my mind, he’s still a little lacking as far as x’s/o’s and in game adjustments go but he’s managed to completely change the culture within that program in a much shorter time than anybody could have ever guessed. When you’re trying to build a program at a traditionally downtrodden school with little to no athletic tradtition, changing the approach and culture of the players within the program (and the incoming recruits) is absolutely the most important early step.

- It’s been beaten to death already but I’m not one to show mercy, so here goes: You can’t have a much bigger condemnation of your starting QB than throwing a halfback pass on a potentially game tying two-point conversion late in the fourth quarter. And honestly, can you really blame Nick Saban? The Dolphins would be better off with Dante Calabria under center right now than the shell of QB that Daunte Culpepper has become. I didn’t think he was ever that impressive a QB before this season, but even I thought he’d at least be a minor upgrade (2-3 games) for a team that has started the likes of Frerotte, Feeley, Fiedler over the last few years. Obviously, I was wrong and clearly the only “best QB” title that still applies to Culpepper is “Best QB born in prison”. To be frank, even that’s up for debate now since I seem to remember hearing something about Marques Tuiasosoppo and a Japanese interment camp.

- I saw this on the internet yesterday and I had to share: Marquis Daniels has the most awesome tattoos I’ve ever seen. (Note: By “awesome”, I mean extremely disturbing and spectacularly ghetto). Please pay special attention his own personal version of the ever popular “Only the Strong Survive” tattoo. That, my friends, is a classic.

- I’m not going to get all preachy about Albert Haynesworth here. There’s plenty of people doing that for me already. I am going to point out that Albert “went to school” at the University of Tennessee. How did Fulmer miss out on Rae Carruth all those years ago? I bet that still sticks in his craw.

- I really like those Nike Commercials for “Briscoe High”. I’m not sure how much money they shelled out on those things, though I am sure it’s less than ESPN paid to promote ESPN Mobile (How’s that going for the Worldwide Leader anyway?). With that said, there are two items I’d like to discuss:

(1) Am I the only person who finds it odd that Briscoe would call a halfback pass on fourth and long late in the fourth quarter? Am I also the only person who wonders why the defense would bite on such a play? I mean, I haven’t seen as unrealistic a game winning play since Remember the Titans.

(2) Am I the only person who’s favorite part of the commercial is Deion Sanders’ white wife?

- Alright, I’ll say it. I miss listening to Paul Maguire spit all over himself whilst saying “Watch this, watch this right here!” every Sunday night on ESPN. It was like my own little version of a Sunday night lullaby in that it was so bad I just turned off the TV and went to bed instead of having to endure anymore of that “insight”. Now, I’m up until near midnight actually watching football on Sunday night. Come back to me Paul.

- Am I the only person who can’t figure out if Calvin Johnson is going to be as good as advertised as an NFL receiver? Maybe it’s all the lingering residue from guys like Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, David Terrell and, to a certain extent, Plaxico Burress but I’m having a lot of trouble buying into these big physical, but somewhat slow, receivers. There’s no denying that Johnson has terrific hands, and is great in the red zone. However, I’ve got serious doubts about his ability to consitently get open against NFL DBs. As we all know, everybody in the NFL is bigger and faster, especially DBs. So why is it always considered suck a lock that guys who make a living manhandling smallish college corners, like Johnson, are destined for NFL stardom? Other than T.O. (and he’s different too, in my opinion), name another elite receiver right now who is cut from the current big, physical receiver mold. I’m really interested to see what kind of 40 time Johnson posts come spring.

- Finally, yesterday brought us news that Christian Laettner and Brian Davis were going to buy the Memphis Grizzlies. If somebody would’ve told me that these two were buying a sports franchise I would’ve bet my house on it being the Golden State Warriors, or maybe the Calgary Flames.
Seriously though, who the hell even knew that these two had $40 million between them? What exactly has Brian Davis been doing since he left Duke. I mean, besides directing episodes of Will & Grace. Personally, I liked the report from yesterday’s press conference which mentioned how Davis openly bristled when the media laughed at his assertion that Laettner was going to play for the Grizzlies this year. Don’t make Brian Davis get Thomas “Quimby” Hill involved in this too.


TJ said...

Nick Saban thought it wise to try the Briscoe play with the game (and perhaps his season) on the line against Houston. Great idea...

Mark said...

If only Nick had Bobby playing receiver...and Steve Young as his receivers coach, "Eye on the ball, Bobby."

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Mark said...

Looks like Drunk and Stupid is about to get an official sponsor...

CFunk28 said...

Look closely at Deion's wife in the Nike ads and that's none other than former ESPN college football sideline reporter Jill Arrington. Obviously the jobs offers haven't been rolling in.

Daniels' tatoos are pretty solid. Do you think he got the "Eyes of a Killer" one after he killed his tattoo artist for putting a misshaped state of Florida on his back? Just a thought.

joe said...

Someone else told me it was Jill Arrington and I didn't believe them.. I just figured Deion had a real white wife.. but since Calvin said it I'll believe.

I also don't get the halfback toss at the end of the game. If I was Michael Vick I would have told them to screw off when they told me that was going to happen.

Mark said...

By now even Michael knows he's not accurate enough to be trusted with such a crucial pass. I'm sure it's just coincidence but the choice to have Tomlinson throw the pass in that commercail is a nice commentray on Vick's abysmal QB skills.

A couple of other things:

Jill Arrington huh? That's funny. I'll take your word for it. She was the hottest (and worst) sideline reporter of my collegiate experience.

Who else wishes there was a girl, any girl who remotely resembled the uber-slut portrayed by Jillian Barbierie in that commercial?

I love how Marquis has the not just the state of Florida but also some of its more notable cities tattooed on his back. I was gonna do the same thing, except with only IHB's location denoted by a star.

Mark said...

With regards to the Jillian Barbieri comment, I meant to asked who wished there was a slut like that in your high school.

joe said...

There were plenty of dirty sluts but alas, none were smoking hot 35 year olds. And in one of my least favorite tv moves, the cutdown commercial, she's not in it. Can't they pay for the extra 3 seconds?

I also want to know who was on the other team. Must have been some bad mfer's to make a team that stacked to do a trick play to win the game.

Mark said...

Yeah, why can't they cut out Jimmy Johnson or something. Good point about the opposing team. Just Urlacher alone should be enough to render a normal high school team useless.

CFunk28 said...

Everytime I see that commercial I blame Vick for them being down. Honestly, how can a team with Vick, Urlacher, Polumolu, and Tomlinson not be whooping on a HS team? Ridiculous.

And Jillian Barberie makes a nice jock slut. I think that she's closer to 45 than 35. She's clearly a football groupie.

And it took me a couple times seeing that commerical before I realized it was Jill as Deion's wife. But its definately her.

Mark said...

I was going to correct Calvin's spelling of Polamalu but then you mispelled 'definitely' so I figured I might as well save my energy.

If she's 45 then she's got herself a good plastic surgeon...like everybody else in Hollywood.

Mark said...


Cavs are going to be busting out Orange "special event" unis this year. Nice nod to the Ron Harper era there, as Danny Ferry continues to rub salt in that wound.

CFunk28 said...

I was never a big fan of the orange unis. If they want to do throwbacks they need to just do the Blue ones from the late '80s/early 90s. That time frame is the closest the Cavs have ever come to having Glory Days.

And no matter what he does, every true Cavs fan will always hate Danny Ferry deep down. Ron Harper Rules!

D.M., M.D. said...

Interestingly enough, Jill Arrington is my friend Richard's cousin (and so is that horrible Dakota Fanning). I would say that it's bullshit, except for the fact that when UT played Carolina in Columbia a few years ago, Richard couldn't come out and get drunk with me, because he had to go out to dinner with Jill Arrington and some of his family.

True story.

CFunk28 said...

How did you not score an invite to that dinner?

And I forgot to mention that I thought the same thing about Brian Davis when I heard about him being in the group to buy the Griz. Where the hell is he coming up w/ money. What the hell kind of degree did he graduate from Duke w/? I know that Socialogy (Duke b-balls official major) doesn't pay that much. Maybe he invented something. Like the ball that has the pump in it.

Mark said...

Your friend Richard souns like he blows. You either get me drunk on a Friday night in the fal or you don't get me at all. At least that's how I would've (hypothetically) handled it. Nice to hear from you though Deke. I thought you might have killed yourself, or tried to thru drinking, after last Thursday. The 3rd quarter alone would've been enough for me.

As for Davis, I remember reading something about him doing some re-development projects in urban areas. Basically, I think he used gov't tax breaks to make a bunch of money and become a slumlord...The American Dream.