Are YOU down with the Pilgrims?

Its been a few days since I last posted, so we'll get right to it today.

Does it make me a horrible person that I am visibly excited about the Suns-Cavs matchup tonight? I mean, its not normal to get excited about two lottery teams from last year, squaring off in an early November matchup is it? No, its not, and I know this...but the thought of the suddenly exciting Loyola-Marymount, uh I mean, Phoenix Suns going up aginst King James has been dancing thru my head since Sunday night when I saw the preview while watching the Browns-Ravens game. Speaking of that game, can we pass a rule that says that NO AFC North intra-divisional games can be nationally televised? Joe Theisman for three hours is bad enough but do we have to watch Jeff Garcia too...jeez, how many times have those words been uttered in a, um, alternative lifestyle club?

Anybody who compares what Hines Ward did this past week to what Terrell Owens did two weeks ago is either legally blind or retarded (maybe both)...C'mon, Hines Ward didn't have to practice "the bird" in the mirror now did he?

Whatever GM offers a free agent deal to Chris Rix after this years draft (and there will be AT LEAST one) should be fired on the spot. This is a kid who couldn't even successfully decipher the Duke defense. Tommie Frazier could've passed for 250 yards on that defense..and thats WITH one of his mysterious bloodclots.

Speaking of old Nebraska heroes, did anybody here/read Maurice Clarett talking about his transgressions by saying "its not like I dragged a girl down the stairs by her hair"...this I will grant you Maurice, but when you start comparing yourself to Lawrence Phillips, you've officially gone overboard. What's the matter with this guy? Did he run out of Cecil Collins analogies?

How has Tatum Bell not taken over the starting job in Denver? It was practically his to lose going into the preseason and he hasn't sniffed the starting lineup? Call me sinical but I have a hard time believing that figuring out Denver's playbook, from the tailback position, is that taxing.

I know he's a Gator but after his season long Houdini act and subsequent revival last week (which of course he was on my fantasy bench for), I am about a week away from calling Jeff Gilooly and asking him to go "see" Darrell Jackson.

Erick Dampier is up to his old tricks again...just last night I saw him back away/shield himself during two Steve Francis dunk attempts. Um, Erick, you're 7 feet tall and Steve is only 6'3"...do you think you can TRY and block his shot? No? Ok, just asking. What a waste of space...of course not nearly as big a waste as Adonal Foyle. Goooo COLGATE!!

Isn't it funny how NBA teams are always wasting first round picks on point guards (see: Jerryl Sasser, Antonio Daniels, Reece Gaines, etc.) but both Carlos Arroyo and Rafer Alston bounced around to two or three teams apiece before anybody realized, "Hey these guys can penetrate, defend and shoot well enough to keep teams honest, maybe we should keep them."? And, by funny I mean the "burning sensation when you pee" kind of humor.

My question on the Dave Wannstedt resignation is this...Did his crooked caterpillar mustache resign too? Because that would be a shame...seriously, couldn't Jim Bates just wear it for the next 8 games? Would that really kill him?

There's a theory going around my office that Dick Tressel is Jim Tressel's evil brother who instead of sporting the sweater vest and tie combo, walks up and down the sidelines with a shirt half-un buttoned and a leather jacket. Yes, I do work with people like this. Sadly, this is one of the more feasible theories to have been floated in this office for months now.

Another (very belated) office note: A guy who works here, we'll call him Skyler, actually argued around the trading deadline that Carlos Beltran wasn't an "impact player". Considering that we work in baseball, shouldn't this be grounds for immediate dismissal?

Kenyon Martin sure looks alot less impressive without Jason Kidd pushing the ball and throwing alley-oops. There's a real shocker. In all seriousness, this guy has NO post moves and only averaged 16 ppg in the EAST. What would possess Kiki Vandeweghe to think that he could be an elite power forward out west? Shit, Pau Gasol can't make the All-Star team out there but Kenyon can? I should've majored in NBA GM at college.

Speaking of the Nuggets, has any point guard (who's not a scorer) ever had worse overall court vision than Andre Miller? At least Gilbert Arenas can put up 30 a game if he tries. Miller would need to play in the William & Mary intramural league to do that.

Is there anything on earth uglier than Bo Outlaw's jump shot? If I ever have kids I will let them watch "Faces of Death" before I let them watch tapes of that man shooting a basketball.

I'm thinking about sending Antonio Gates a Christmas card. Would that be over the line?

I am physically incapable of enjoying a Steelers game...I could care less about the Steelers or any of their rivals for that matter. Its just that James Farrior is a damn good linebacker and his younger brother Matt is, well, shitty. I was so excited when he committed to Florida over UVA (his brother's alma mater) only to watch him royally suck for four years. Four years that saw him lose his starting job not once or twice, but THREE times. The third time coming during his senior year when he lost his job to a very average TRUE FRESHMAN...UGH, I'm getting sick just thinking about it.

When I was watching the Steelers-Eagles game this weekend and discovered that one of Pittsburgh's corners was named Willie Williams, I could only think of one thing...."Is Willie Williams, down with the Pilgrims?" Ice Cube is awesome.

If I was drafting a running back this year (which, unfortunately, I'm not) I would definitely take Ronnie Brown before Cadillac Williams...I'm just saying.

If Nomar went to the Yankees to play second base, would that be a BIGGER bitch move then his "Thanks Beautiful" in that Gatorade commercial? Is that even possible?