Rushed post = No Title

I've spent much of the past two days constantly refreshing the message boards of Gatorcountry trying to find some news, any news on Marcus Thomas' suspension. Well, that and banging my head against my keyboard over the thought of losing Thomas for the toughest stretch of football the the University of Florida has seen in many, many years. Not only is Thomas arguably the most indispensable player on the Gator defense, he also happens to occupy the position that I personally feel is most essential to a dominating defense. While there are plenty of different ingredients that make up a dominant defense (and surely more than one recipe for said defense), it is next to impossible to have a truly special defense without pressure from the interior of your defensive line. While the 2006 Gator defense possesses a number of weapons, none are as effective without Marcus (and Scoop) commanding a double team from the opposing O-line. We learned this much in the season opener against Southern Miss. Hopefully, the next thing we learn is that Marcus is returning for the October 7th tilt in Gainesville versus LSU. I'm going to be in Gainesville for this game and will gladly supply Marcus with anything he needs in order to be ready to play against the Tigers. Well, not anything...that's kind of what got us in this predicament in the first place.

Speaking of Gator games that I'll be attending, Florida takes on Kentucky tomorrow @ 7:45 and I'll be there. Normally I wouldn't even dream of attending a game of such little national prominence. However, I'm attempting to make up for lost time this year since last year was the first year since 1996 that I didn't attend one single Gator game. Tomorrow's game will be the first of a four (and possibly more) game tour for me this year that includes LSU, UGA and FSU. I'm hoping that tomorrow will serve as a nice "walk through" for me and my liver. You just can't jump right into a game like LSU or the WLOCP after a year off without a little preventive medicine. (Note: By "preventitive medicine" I mean Jack Daniels). With all of this in mind, I'm leaving work a little early today so I'm going to keep today's post short and limit it to some loose ends and random thoughts that have slipped through the cracks recently.

- A belated "thank you" to Jerry is in order. Jerry brought up his surprise last Saturday that I didn't possess a"go to" shirt for Gator games. I responded by referencing the Ron Zook era and citing it's destruction of most of the "lucky" Gator paraphenalia that I once owned. Of course, with Tennessee looming at 8 pm, this got my wheel's spinning. I realized that I did have a shirt that was, possibly, lucky due to it's absence during my second stint in Gainesville. I decided to bring it with me to Vitas'. With things still tight but looking less than promising at halftime of a 10-7 game I decided to make the switch for the second half. We all know what happened from there, Florida outscored UT 14-3 in the second half and pulled out the victory in Neyland. All thanks to Jerry and my awesome shirt.

- During last week's ND-Michigan game, Tom Hammonds mentioned that Mike Hart's actual first name was Leon. I haven't been that disappointed in an athlete since I found out that Troy O'Leary was black. There are millions of Mikes but so few Leons, Mr. Hart. It's time for you to take a page out of Albert/Joey Belle's book...no, no not that book.

- Who's the biggest douchebag on TV right now? I'll tell you who. That fat guy from the Glidden paint commercial. He's obviously a huge sports fan because he wants to paint one of his rooms in the colors of one of his favorite teams (By the way, what is he 12 years old?). However, I'd like to hear the rational explanation for why his favorite teams include Oregon State, the Oakland A's and the Washington Redskins. Who's his favorite hockey team, the Blackhawks? I really wish Tony Stewart would just do us all a favor and reach up from the back seat and choke him out with some piano wire like a mafia movie.

- I know that it's been done a few times before but why isn't anybody, and I mean anybody, making a big deal out of Alfonso Soriano joining the 40/40 Club? I mean, he certainly has plenty of flaws (strikes out too much, poor defensively, bad tipper) but 40/40 is a pretty damned impressive accomplishment where I come from (the early 80s) and he managed to do it while playing his home games in RFK. I should probably just be quiet about this. I'm sure that most sports fans are much more interested in T.O.'s finger anyway.

- Am I the only guy who thinks that the name Prescott Burgess should only be given to people who are going to end up in a frat at UVA? When it becomes clear that isn't going to happen there should be some type of law that changes your name to something more appropriate. In this case I'm thinking something along the lines of...Damarneus Wilcox.

- When you're watching the 12:00 noon ESPN game tomorrow ask yourself if you think Pam Ward tucks her bird in between her legs or tapes it to the inside of her thigh when she wears skirts? I say tuck.

- During the Iowa-Iowa State game last Saturday, multiple stroke victim Mike Gottfried said this about Iowa tailback Albert Young, "He will tell you anything you want to hear." Up to that point I had been unaware that Albert Young was a prostitute. Knowing is half the battle, I guess.

- He doesn't get enough pub because, well, he plays at perpetually 7-5 Boston College, but linebacker/fullback Brian Toal is one of the more underrated players in the nation. He's the kind of guy who ends up going in the 4th round b/c of somewhat unimpressive measurables but still ends up starting by the middle of his rookie year. Seriously, if you can take the boredom of watching ACC Football this year (the conference is even more mediocre than normal, which is saying something) sit down and just watch Toal for a series or three. He's good.

- Direct quote from ABA Owner Ann Iverson on her team's new name (Richmond Ballers), "All our players better be Ballers because if they're whack, they're going home." Wow, who wouldn't want to suit up for an organization with a leader like that? Can't you just see Art Modell saying the same thing to Ozzie Newsome?

I probably won't post on Monday because I'll be pretty busy with meetings and such while also more than likely handicapped by the hangover that I'm sure to bring home as a souvenir from the long weekend in Gainesville that will conclude in Orlando on Sunday night at a concert I'll be attending at the House of Blues. The trip to Gainesville is exciting enough but when combined with the concert, this weekend has the potential to be one of the all-time greats. At this point you may be wondering who it is that I'm going to see in Orlando on Sunday. Frankly, I'm not really sure that any of you will have ever heard of them. Well, maybe a few of you. It's this little hip-hop group from NYC who call themsleves A Tribe Called Quest. See, I knew you guys wouldn't know who I was talking about.

I'll be back tuesday. Until then, Greg's new blog is sure to keep you entertained with his witty insights. Have a good weekend.

Unfortunately, Marcus Thomas believes in Rocking the Vote

To say today’s been busy would be a bit of an understatement. Actually, this whole week has been busy since I was out of the office for most of last week while attending a conference down in Miami. I really shouldn’t complain though since I spent the time in Miami shacked up in a hotel room with this view:

As for today, it hasn’t been anything other than your normal busy day, save for a couple of items. The first is that my girlfriend got in a car accident right in front of my office on her way in to see me this morning. Fortunately, she seems to be relatively unharmed and there isn’t a ton of damage to her car. She got in a car accident last year (nearly to the day) and ended up needing knee surgery so we’re kind of holding our breath right now because she banged the same knee against her steering wheel (again) during the impact. You see, my girlfriend is very short and tends to fly within the confines of a car when shes in an accident. The second less than pleasant item of the day is something I’ll get into in just a bit.

The time I spent in Miami was nice. My girlfriend and I spent most of the time drinking, hanging out on the beach and, generally, just taking in all that Miami has to offer. Somehow, despite living in Florida for the past 15 of the past 20 years, my girlfriend hadn’t ever been to Miami so it was a nice introduction for her (on the company dime no less). I’ve been to Miami more times than I can count (or care to) but it’s always nice to get away from this podunk town I live in and experience a taste of a more metropolitan city for a few days. I won’t bore any more than I already have with details of the trip other than to mention a couple things that happened and/or we noticed during our brief vacation.

- Actual statement from the gf: “Where are all the beautiful people?” Well, I’m going to assume a lot of them were sleeping, since many of the “beautiful people” who inhabit Miami also have sizeable cocaine habits that allow them to party in the finest clubs until around 7 am. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of beautiful people in Miami. It just so happens that there are also plenty of trolls as well. With a population that large, it can’t all be models and porn stars. It’s science.

- If you didn’t know that the gf was new to Miami, it would’ve only taken her reaction to nearly having her purse snatched to clue you in. As we walked down near Calle Ocho one evening (6ish) we passed a young Spaniard (probably Guatemalan actually) wearing some lovely bright pink Chuck Taylors. Once we passed him he began to follow us in a rather brisk fashion. At this point, it was clear to both of us (me and the Guaty) that he intended to snatch her purse. One problem here: As my gf came to this realization, she inexplicably switched her purse to her outside arm and began to walk away from me. Somehow this made sense to her. Of course, I quickly closed the distance between us and ushered my gf into a store where the Guaty would quickly realize that the duffle bag that my gf calls a purse would not be going home with him. I’m really hoping that my gf can figure out some better techniques for urban survival before our next vacation. Fucking Canadians.

I’m sure it will come to the surprise of nobody that the highlight of my weekend came on Saturday night. The annual Florida-Tennessee game is my favorite rivalry game of the Gator season. There’s some genuine hate between both the teams and their fans and this, along with a tugboat full of athletes on each team, usually combine to make for one hell of a college football game. Saturday night was no exception. In fact, it was one of the better games between these two schools in recent memory. I won’t go into the specifics of the game (it IS Wednesday after all) but I couldn’t let such a huge victory pass without dropping a few notes on the game.

- I was hoarse on Sunday. Noticeably so. No, I didn’t watch the game from the stands in Neyland. Nor did I watch it in a crowded bar. Rather, I watched it a Vitas’ house with no more than 6 other people in attendance. I’m a little too attached to the success of Gator football. As if you hadn’t figured that out already.

- Billy Latsko will never get enough credit for being suck an effective blocker and fullback. Jerry mentioned this on Saturday and after reviewing some tape (seriously, I slow down the clips via DVR when I watch the Urban Meyer Show every Sunday morning so that I can try and focus on things that escape my attention during the course of a normal Gator game. Things such as o-line schemes and blocking responsibilities as well as defensive calls and formations in specific down and distance situations. Mmm, film breakdown...like biscuits & gravy, only better).

As mush credit as DeShawn Wynn deserves for his performance in Neyland, none of it would’ve been possible without the yeoman’s effort of Latsko. He consistently took on defensive ends, tackles and linebackers and blew them up while opening holes for Wynn. A perfect example was Wynn’s clinching first down run. Latsko sealed the defensive end, which ended up taking out the middle linebacker, and gave Wynn just enough time (and room) to cut his run to the outside and gain the seven yards needed to seal the Gator victory.

- Brandon James, all 5'5" of him, is already the best return man that the University of Florida has seen since Lito Sheppard's sophomore year. I'll eat my hat if he's not the best that's ever graced the field at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in four years.

- I’ve already written at length about Reggie Nelson so I’ll try and keep this short. He is, without a doubt, the most talented safety to play for the University of Florida in nearly a decade. His range and closing speed in coverage are breathtaking to behold (How many people initially though Ainge’s first pass of the night was a sure TD?). Furthermore, his athletic ability, overall defensive awareness and knowledge of the scheme allow the Gator defensive staff to take a ton of chances in man coverage with their relatively inexperienced corners that they wouldn’t even consider without RFN playing center field.

- The UF O-line still has plenty of room to improve but they took the first steps toward being a dominant unit on Saturday night. To go into an environment like Neyland Stadium at 8 pm and walk out with not only a victory, but a victory based largely upon your ability to effectively run block and pass protect while only surrendering two false start penalties, (one of which was bogus) is something that no Gator fan would’ve predicted with any measure of confidence at any point in the last two seasons. They have many more tests in front of them, including the lightning fast defenses (is there something faster, b/c lightning seems too slow) of LSU and Auburn in the very near future so there’s plenty of time to regress. However, the season would not feel nearly as promising if UF’s O-line were coming off a performance similar to last year’s win against UT.

- While I'm writing about dominance, I might as well throw a tip of the cap to the Gator defensive line. Their ability to stuff the run and get pressure up the middle completely disrupted Tennessee’s offense and eventually wore down the Volunteer defense in the second half. Marcus Thomas lived up to his All-American billing and Ray McDonald once again looked like Ray McDonald before he tore both his ACLs last season. I’d still like to see more pressure coming from the ends but it’s tough to argue against the most dominating defensive line performance that Florida’s seen in a decade.

- Now, for the aforementioned second item that is ruining my day. I had a feeling that something bad was coming because, well, there was mention of losing a “key player” for an extended period of time on the Gator message boards last night. My first reaction was that the Gators would be without the services of uber-stud Percy Harvin for the next few weeks while he recovered from a high ankle sprain (I’m still pretty worried about this as high ankle sprains don’t generally heal quickly) suffered early on against Tennesee. While that was bad enough to send me into a mini-tailspin, it wasn’t nearly the devastating blow that the news of Marcus Thomas’ 5 game suspension is. Evidently, the most dominating defensive tackle to play at UF since Ed Chester (He was REALLY, REALLY good but shattered his leg against LSU in 1998. I also refuse to consider Gerard “Double Fist” Warren as a dominant tackle while at UF. He should’ve been but, in a sign of things to come, wasn’t due to a vexing combo of lacksadaisical attitude and what I’m guessing were epic hangovers.) decided that he’d rather get high than play football for the Gators while literally earning millions of dollars. Simply put, the Gators now look like they’ll enter their toughest stretch of the season (UK, Bama, Auburn, LSU, UGA) without their most indispensable defensive player. If the lack of pressure that the d-line generated (sans Thomas) against So. Miss. is any indication, the Gators shouldn’t expect to come out of October with anything less than two losses. I’d love to say that I’m being overly apocalyptic here but I really don’t believe that. Well, I guess I can keep my fingers crossed.

Come Sunday morning, I just wanted to sit down and watch a little ManU-Arsenal (which was lovely) and then transition into the Buccaneers’ suddenly very important matchup with Atlanta. I think we all know how that turned out. By the time Chris Simms overthrew a wide open Ike Hilliard in the endzone (from 5 yards out) with seconds left in the first half I decided that I could take no more. Anymore viewing of that rusty coat hanger abortion that Gruden calls an offense would’ve sapped all the joy from the Gator victory directly from my body. With that in mind, I went to my buddy Philly Phil’s house to take advantage of his six TVs, plentiful beer, and breathtaking spread .

As you might guess by his name, Philly Phil is an Eagles fan. He’s also exactly what you’d expect from an Eagles fan. Slovenly, drunk, tasteless, classless and a multiple felon. As you also might guess, Phil was enjoying himself by the time I walked in just after halftime of the Eagles-Giants game, saying things like “Championship!” (think the TJ Who’s Your Mama commercial). Well, we all know what happened from there. Sadly enough, Philly Phil had invited our friends Kurt, Matt and JJ (Giants fans and brothers) over to watch the game as well. By the time the game reached OT, the entire living room had swelled with people (all the people watching other games on the porch were now inside) and Phil was quickly beginning to look like a candidate for domestic abuse. Now, I could care less about the entire NFC East and all its “tradition”. To me it’s just another reason to hate people from the northeast who consider themselves superior to the rest of America. However, I can empathize with a heartbreaking loss, which is exactly what Sunday ended up being for Phil. When Plaxico Burress finally drug Shelden Brown into the endzone and yelled, “Get that shit outta here!!” I glanced back to see Phil close his eyes and drop his head in horror, or shame, or maybe a little of both. Whatever it was, I’ve been there before and seeing it made me all the more thankful that I wasn’t in his place the night before. Football is awesome, there’s no denying that. It also stings like a kick to the taint sometimes too.

Sadly, she's sporting a fresh black eye these days. I blame Plaxico.

You know I don't speak Spanish.

I was really planning on doing a post about tomorrow's Tennessee- Florida matchup this week as well as some other picks of what promises to be one of college football's most enjoyable and draining weekends in recent memory. Unfortunately, I just got back from three days in Miami at a conference. I'd like to say that I was too busy attending education sessions and symposiums to sit down and write anything worthwhile. However, I was actually too busy laying on the beach and drinking copious amounts of Patron to do anything other than swim, sleep and occasionally eat a terribly overpriced meal. I know, I know, its a tough life I lead but somebody has to attend these conferences on the compnay dime so it might as well be me.

I'm back in town now and I don't have nearly the energy required to write anything other than what you're currently reading. You can rest assured that I'll be intently watching all of tomorrow's many marque matchups while I bite my nails down to the cuticle out of Orange Sherbet related anxiety. Suffice it to say, 8 pm Saturday cannot come soon enough for this guy. Hopefully, I'll have some time to write come Monday. If so, I'l be back with a wrapup on the trip to Miami as well as my assorted thoughts on Separation Saturday, or whatever the schmoes at the Worldwide Leader are calling tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend.

Oh yeah, I did manage to catch a little of Mayland - WVU last night and I think it's safe to say that Ralph Friedgen probably owes about 15% of his current salary to former pupil Joe Hamilton. Remember when everybody thought that fat fuck was an offensive mastermind and potentially great coach? Feels like decades ago these days.

Who's world is this? Well, that's a silly question.

It’s Friday morning, the NFL Season officially kicked off last night, the Gators play their final game before their SEC Opener ( next Saturday in Knoxville @ 8 pm…yes I’m already scared) in just over 24 hours and Season 4 of The Wire debuts on Sunday. Yet, all I can think about this morning is the impending release of Ron Artest’s solo debut. I can’t be the only one...can I?


Sadly, I’ll have to wait until October 31st (Don’t worry TJ, I’ll try to get an advance copy for Jacksonville) to hear it in its entirety. Though I am pretty sure that the lead single (Fever) should be pretty riveting even if it already pales in comparison to its accompanying b-side Working the Pole. Ron Artest, ladies and gentleman. If you’re looking for something to hold you over until Ron-Ron arrives to save the music industry as we know it, I highly recommend the new releases by DJ Shadow and The Roots.

Now, onto some more pressing issues. I was going to write some college football predictions this morning but it always feels a bit disingenuous to make my predictions on Friday morning when every other writer out there has already released their prognostications for the weekend. I’ll pick a couple winners for tomorrow’s bigger games later in this post but I’m going to touch on some other things while I’ve still got the energy.

College Basketball:

- With all the build-up towards this weekend’s college and NFL games you may have missed this article on Reggie Theus and the impact he’s making on the program at New Mexico St. It’s a fairly interesting article about challenges of rebuilding a program in a remote location. One thing I don’t understand about the article is the writer’s initial doubt about Theus’ ability to be the head coach at the Division 1 level. Of all the things to be worried about when it comes to Reggie Theus (Will his hair leave grease marks on the back of his suit? Is he going to play the Gameboy version of NBA All-Stars that features him during games?), his ability to coach basketball should never be in question. I mean did you see what he did with that team of misfits on Hang Time?

- In other coaching news, the University of Memphis has hired (wait for it) Rod Strickland to be their new Director of Basketball Operations. What’s next, hiring the Three Six Mafia as the team’s strength and conditioning coaches? I can’t envision any scenario where this is a good idea for the University of Memphis. Unless of course, the Director of Basketball Operations primary job is to secure massive quantities of liquor, strippers, and steak gorditas at 3 am on a weeknight.

The Three Six would like you to work on your core strength this offseason.

NFL:

- I’m not, nor have I ever been, a big Daunte Culpepper fan. The last time I could count myself as a fan of his was during his time at UCF, which was more a matter of state pride than anything. Despite his extreme physical gifts, he lacks many of the most important qualities that I like in elite NFL QBs. Maybe I’m just a picky Pete but it’s my opinion that he is average (at best) when it comes to things like pre-snap reads, going through his progressions, looking off his primary receiver, and use of double ended sex toys. That doesn’t even begin to take into account the completely gay platinum pepper that he wears as a charm on his necklace. He showed many of these weaknesses during last night’s fourth quarter as Troy Polamolu and Joey Porter made him look like Tony Banks after a night in Big Boi’s “boom boom room”. With that said, Culpepper is an enormous upgrade over every QB who has suited up for Miami in the 8 years since Dan Marino retired. His arm, pocket presence, and leadership ability alone will be enough for an extra 2-3 wins this year. Despite my doubts about Culpepper overall, I think his addition will be enough to push Miami over the top in the AFC East.

- I might as well get this out of the way now. I’ve become increasingly convinced over the past week that my main fantasy team is completely and totally fucked. Normally I wouldn’t panic so early in the season. In fact, I think it’s ridiculous to panic about your team at any point before week 5. However, there’s another factor at play here: Steve Smith. Two years ago, I picked up Steve Smith as my #1 receiver only to watch him go down in Week 1 with a broken leg. Despite this setback, I finished second in my league. Burned like Hildebrand after a trip to Tijuana, I stayed far, far away from Smith in last year’s draft. I think we all know how that turned out. Finally, this year, as I was debating what receiver I’d select in the third round (after nabbing Larry Johnson and Willis McGahee in the first two rounds) I had Steve Smith fall into my lap. As much as I wanted to stay away, the vision of him torching secondary after secondary last year was too much for my feeble little brain to overcome. So, reluctantly, I selected him. Of course, now Smith’s hamstring problem seems like a much bigger deal than anybody had imagined at this point last week and I’m convinced it’s something that will hamper his health and effectiveness throughout the season. Thanks a lot Steve Smith, for ruining my damn fantasy season before it ever got started. (Anybody with access to Steve Smith’s email should feel free to copy and paste the prior paragraph into a message titled “You, Steve Smith, suck like nobody has ever sucked in the history of sucking.”)

- I’m as excited as I’ve been in four or five years for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers season to get underway. In the time since their glorious Super Bowl victory there’s always been some lingering questions going into the season. Last year there were a couple of major concerns. Most notably, how the hell are they going to score when Brian Griese gets drunk and trips over his dog again? My answer was generally something like, “They won’t. Not with that fairy pants Chris Simms running the show they won’t.” By the time the Bucs went into San Francisco sans Simeon Rice (after that memorable incident involving a chinese hooker, some firecrackers, and a ham sandwich) and dropped one to a pathetic 49er outfit I was ready to throw the season away. Then something completely unexpected happened, Chris Simms figured out how to effectively quarterback. I certainly never saw that coming as I’ve been denigrating the abilities of Phil’s son ever since he stole Major Applewhite’s job at Texas.

Despite my extreme skepticism, I finally became convinced that Simms was capable of leading this franchise during the Bucs’ thrilling regular season victory over Washington in Tampa. By the time the season ended, the Bucs had Cadillac back in form, a young QB growing with each game and the same stellar defense that’s been a fixture in Tampa since Trent Dilfer was tripping over his center’s feet. Other than the aforementioned Super Bowl year, last year may have been the most enjoyable Buccaneer season of my adulthood (There were no enjoyable Buc seasons during my childhood).

With a new season about to kickoff, I am (as are most NFL fans) full of optimism. Sure, the Bucs play in one of the NFL’s toughest divisions (second to the NFC East) and the offense is still fairly unproven. However, this team has a chance to be as complete an overall unit as any that’s graced the fields of Raymond James Stadium. There’s never been a Tampa offense with this many weapons. Both Cadillac and Joey Galloway are legit gamebreakers who have also shown the ability to carry an offense at times. Simms should continue to develop into a good NFL QB. The o-line, for years a weakness, came together late last year and seems to be improved. Michael Clayton, Alex Smith, and Doug Jolley are all very capable receivers in the middle of the field who can cause matchup problems. Hell, even David Boston has shown some signs of life in camp (Unfortunately he’s not shown anybody those purple contacts he used to wear around like some kind of gay). If the Bucs defense can hold up (an increasing concern as the defense continues to get older and older and older) to it’s lofty standards there is no reason why this team shouldn’t make the playoffs and even challenge Carolina for the division title. Of course, all this goes flying out the window if Brooks, Rice or Barber (or maybe even Brian Kelly) go down with a major injury.

Gator Football:

As much as I love the Bucs, they consistently take a back seat to my allegiance to the University of Florida, except for a good chunk of the Ron Zook era (shudders). I’m going to keep my thoughts on the Gators to a minimum this week as it’s safe to say I’ll be doing plenty of writing about next Saturday’s showdown with Tennessee during most of next week.

Florida takes on UCF tomorrow at 6 pm for the first time since 1999 when Steve Spurrier coached up the boys in Orange and Blue to 712-3 victory (or at least something very close to that). UCF is a much different program these days. George O’Leary has instilled the program with some much needed discipline after the Mike Kruczek era. The school is set to open a new on-campus 45,000 seat football stadium (replacing the ancient, and far from centrally located Citrus Bowl) next year against Texas and they are fresh off the school's first ever appearance in a Bowl game. As different as the program may be, I’m still not giving the Knights much chance tomorrow. I’m envisioning something like 37-13. Just good enough to keep Gator fans from going on a suicide watch and just enough problems to give Urban Meyer material to get his troops motivated for Tennessee. I have one more prediction for tomorrow night’s game: I’ll be drunk. Very, very drunk. A few more notes:

- In last week’s preview I called Tony Joiner "a linebacker in a safety’s body". I wrote that based more upon practice reports than anything I’d personally witnessed. Luckily for me, I couldn’t have been more on the money. When I saw him up close last Saturday I immediately yelled out, “Tony Joiner is fucking huge!”. Seriously, the guy has arms the size of my thighs. Additionally, he seemed to acquit himself well in coverage, only giving up one reception that I noticed while also grabbing a pick en route to garnering defensive player of the game honors. If Joiner can continue to play cromulently in coverage, the secondary at UF should evolve into one of the team’s strengths.

- If you’re watching the game tomorrow, look out for freshman Jarred Fayson. Fayson is a former high school QB from Tampa who was an All-American last year as an athlete. He’s worked his way into the rotation at receiver already and should see some time tomorrow. Reports from practice have him being nearly as fast and just as elusive as Percy Harvin. If he’s even close to that, the Gators offense may set an NCAA record for the number of reverses and wide receiver options run in a year.

- One more thing to watch: Kickoff coverage. Gator freshman linebacker Dustin Doe is a freaking missile on kick coverage. He hit a guy so hard last week that the entire group of people we were watching with (at Vitas’ house) yelled “Boom!” in unison. I even high fived Vitas and I hadn’t high fived somebody since OJ was acquitted.

Predictions:

Oregon vs. Fresno State: I think everybody is getting a little ahead of themselves with Oregon. Yeah, they looked good against Stanford but it was Stanford and this wasn’t Men’s Volleyball. With that said, I think Jonathan Stewart is a future All-American at tailback. His size/speed ratio (thanks Jerry) is amazing. When was the last time you saw a 234 lb. guy return a kickoff, on purpose? Stewart does that and just about everything else Oregon needs him to do. I’ll take Oregon by 6.

South Cacalack vs. Jawja: This game seems to go the same every year. UGA starts out slow. USC takes advantage of UGA’s sluggish play and stakes itself to an early lead. Eventually UGA and Mark Richt take their balls out and make a few plays on offense with their vastly superior talent. All the while UGA’s defense if suffocating a USC offense that can’t seem to take on more than 3 guys rushing at a time. If this were a passing camp or a seven-on seven drill I’d go with SOS and the Cocks. It’s not and Georgia may have the nations best d-line (Hello Quentin Moses!). Georgia takes the lead in the fourth and wins by 10.

Notre Dame vs. Penn State: I’d really, really like to pick Penn State here. I try to make it a rule to pick any coach who rolls up his khakis. However, I think that Notre Dame’s passing game is too strong. Sure, it’s not as strong as Joe Pa’s bifocals, but what is? The inexperienced Penn State secondary will be tested early and often in this one with unfavorable results. Penn State will hang tough but inexperience and the crowd in South Bend will prove too much to overcome. ND wins by 7.

Related note: After PSU QB Anthony Morelli threw his first TD pass last week against Akron, he was stalking the sidelines while talking shit and gesturing to his teammates. That is, until Paul Posluzny walked up to him and made the cut it out gesture (hand back and forth under the chin, not the one popularized by Dave Coulier). Morelli immediately stopped and walked back to the bench. It’s seeing things like this that make watching football all day worth it.

Ohio State vs. Texas: I could care less who wins this thing. All I want from this game is something as exciting and close as last year’s matchup in Columbus. Troy Smith always seems a little shaky to me when he’s forced to be primarily a pocket passer. He’s much better when he’s rolling out or scrambling. Texas’ defense was really overlooked last year because of Vince Young and that offense, but they were a dominant unit last year. While the loss of Tarell Brown hurts, the defense is still loaded with speed, experience and size upfront. I’d love to take Texas here but it’s tough for me to put my faith in a young QB who has never faced the kind of talent (albeit inexperienced talent) that OSU possesses on defense. Even if he has a name that makes him sound like the title character of a porn set in the wild west (Colt McCoy’s Bronze Buckaroos?). Pay special attention to OSU linebacker and former Gator signee (shaking fist at UF admissions department) Larry Grant as he’ll be a focal point of the OSU attack. The verdict: THE Ohio State University wins by 4 and we all get our goose on, well at least I will.

Finally, I wish good luck to John and Duper on theri quest to consume 40 beers while watching sixteen hours of college football in Montana tomorrow. I hate you both. No really.

Dude, he can fly?

Apparently all the praise being heaped upon Tim Tebow over the past eight months was warranted. Because, well, the dude can fly.

In all seriousness, Tebow looked exactly like the nervous freshman that he is during most of his brief appearance on Saturday night. That is, until he stiff armed the shit out of an unsuspecting Southern Miss. linebacker on his way to the endzone pictured above. I've never seen a gorilla play QB before, but that's always how I'd imagined it would look. At this point I'm hoping that Timmy throws his poop at George O'Leary after he scores a TD against UCF on Saturday night because that would be, well, funny.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only Gator fan who is daydreaming of Tebow running the spread option with Percy Harvin at UF for the next couple of years (b/c there is NO WAY that Harvin is going to be in Gainesville for the full four years). If the chants of "Let's go Tebow" (dum, dum, dumdumdum!) that were heard throughout the Swamp on Saturday night are any indication, it appears as if the Gator Nation has itself a new sweetheart. A huge, beast of a sweetheart, sure, but a sweetheart nonetheless.

With apologies to Mr. Tebow, the unquestioned highlight of Saturday evening for Gator fans (or fans of mind blowing open field running) was the debut of another similarly touted freshman, Harvin, who managed to wow the home crowd with the kind of creativity with the ball in his hands that the Swamp hadn't seen since Peter Warrick was reversing field all over our asses while en route to a National Championship and one hell of a Dillard's discount.

I'll be back with more game commentary tomorrow as well as some highlights from a glorious weekend of football, booze, beach and, um football. For now there's work to be done though. Of course, by "work" I mean scouring Gator message boards and designing plays that will be anonymously (and drunkenly) faxed to the Florida Football offices at approximately 3:30 am one evening.

2006 Florida Gator Football Preview, Part 2

I’m aware that I originally promised pictures in the first part of the Florida Football preview but between the hurricane (HA!) and the catch up I had to play yesterday after missing work on Wednesday, it just seemed to be a case of too little, too late. I have no doubt that some well placed pics would’ve added something to the quality of the post, but the post itself is more about my analysis of this year’s Gator Football team than it is about pretty pictures of a bunch of kids who most of you wouldn’t know if they walked into your office right now.

So there’s my excuse for the lack of pictures in Part 1. We’ll see if we can’t get some pictures up for Part 2. Speaking of Part 2, let’s get started. (note: I’m not going to review the special teams until after this weekend’s game when I have a chance to at least see what the Gators are trotting out for the all important third phase. If I had to guess I’d say that the kicking game will be much improved in all aspects other than punting, because Punter Eric Wilbur and his coverage team were both pretty solid last year already. I do not expect that to change.)

Defensive Line: You have to go back to the 1998 team (possibly further) to find a D-Line at Florida with this much depth and talent. In fact, one could make the case that this line has the potential to be the best defensive line in the 100 years of Florida Football.

The line is anchored by All-American candidate Marcus Thomas. A starter since he was a true freshman, Thomas is coming off his first completely healthy off-season since he entered UF. Already a first team all-SEC player, look for the 6’3”, 300 lb Thomas to be a dominating force on the interior of the line with his unusual blend of power and quickness. If he can stay healthy, look for Thomas to become the first Gator All-American D-Tackle since Gerard Warren in this, his senior year.

Another player who has started at UF since his freshman year is DE Ray McDonald. McDonald originally began his career as a DT next to Thomas before being moved to DE by Urban Meyer’s staff before the beginning of last year. All signs in the pre-season pointed toward the Gator legacy (his dad, Ray, Sr. was a WR at UF) having a monster season off the edge last year before he went down with an ACL tear against Tennessee in early September. Amazingly, McDonald rushed back from injury and was back on the field by late October. Unfortunately, McDonald rushed back too soon, which resulted in him tearing the ACL in his other knee shortly after his return to action. McDonald is now back and completely healthy after a rigorous offseason of rehab on both of his reconstructed knees. Though he’s been held out of many of the fall drills, expect McDonald to return with a vengeance in his final campaign.

Pairing up with Thomas at DT will be a combination of seniors Joe Cohen and Steven Harris. Harris started every game alongside Thomas last year but missed most of spring (and much of fall) camp with what Meyer deemed "personal issues". It’s recently come out that Harris is the father of two four month olds from different mothers and the speculation is that Meyer wanted Harris to take care of his newfound family business before he rejoined the team. In Harris’ absence, Cohen finally seems to have begun to realize the enormous potential scouts saw in him as a senior at Palm Bay High. Though he was originally recruited as a running back, the now 6’2”, 300 lb. Cohen spent the last two years at DE where it seemed he lacked the necessary burst to be a dominant rusher off the edge (the fact that he spent most of last year recovering from hip surgery is thought to have contributed to this lack of explosion). With his squat build and natural power (reportedly the strongest player at Florida), Cohen always seemed like a natural for the tackle position. His play in the spring and fall has done nothing to diminish this notion and many (including me) expect Cohen to have a big year. Besides these three, Florida also boasts outstanding depth along the front four with Ends Derrick Harvey, and true freshman Jermaine Cunningham as well as the undersized (but extremely agile and active) Clint McMillan backing up either tackle spot. Who am I missing? Oh yeah.

Breakout player: Jarvis Moss. Get ready to see (possibly) the most dominating defensive end in the country this year. Moss was the nation’s #1 rated end coming out of high school in Texas three years ago. However, when he arrived on campus in Gainesville he was unable to gain any weight whatsoever. In fact, he was actualy losing weight. Getting down to 215 lbs, despite being 6'6". It got so bad for Moss that he nearly gave up football altogether two springs ago. Luckily for Moss, Urban Meyer wasn’t ready to let him quit just yet. Meyer ordered a battery of tests to determine what was wrong with Moss. Eventually, Florida’s medical staff discovered that Moss was suffering from an infection in his groin that resulted from a cortisone shot during his senior year of high school (um, owww). Once his condition was discovered, Moss began to gain weight and was soon on track to becoming the player he’d been touted to be. Though he didn’t start a game last year and didn’t even play until mid-October vs. LSU, Moss finished the season as the team sack leader with 7.5. Reports from practice have Moss being completely unblockable this fall and most experts are predicting that Moss will break Alex Brown’s single season sack record (13) at UF. From what I’ve seen (and heard), I have no reason to disagree.

Linebackers: While there is no shortage of depth or talent along the Gator defensive line, there is a serious lack of depth at linebacker in Gainesville. The Gators will come into fall with two of the SEC’s best, and most experienced, linebackers in junior Brandon Siler and senior Earl Everett. However, after these two the drop off is precipitous.

There isn’t another proven backer in the entire group. Senior Brian Crum is slated to start WLB but any Gator fan who tells you they are comfortable with that is either insane or a pathological liar. Crum has all the physical tools you could ask for, but has never shown the toughness or mental capacity to adequately handle the duties of a starting linebacker in the SEC. Most observers expected him to eventually cede the starting duties to sophomore Jon Demps, but that was before Demps went down with a torn ACL for the second consecutive season a few weeks back. The backups at linebacker for UF now consist of three true freshman (AJ Jones, Brandon Spikes, & Dustin Doe) and a former walk-on (Darryon Robinson). If there’s one place where the Gators must stay healthy on defense, its at linebacker where an injury to either Siler or Everett would be catastrophic.

I haven’t written much about either Siler or Everett here and that’s a testament to their consistency and durability. They were Florida’s two leading tacklers last year and will have to step up their play to an even higher level if UF’s defense is to be the truly dominant unit that it can (and should) be this season. More specifically, Everett needs to make more “big” plays than he has up to this point in his Gator career. Everett has the speed and size to be a difference maker in the passing game with both his pass rush and coverage ability and will need to better utilize these gifts if he’s to fulfill all the potential he had when he first started for the Gators as a 195 lb. freshman. As for Siler, he the league’s best middle linebacker and the undisputed leader of this team. He’s been an impact player since he replaced an injured Channing Crowder as a true freshman. Now a junior, Siler has to become the kind of linebacker who changes the course of a game with his hits and defensive aptitude. He’s been building towards this year since he first stepped on the field at Florida. Now is the time for him to cement his legacy in Gainesville.

Breakout player: ?????. I’d love to say Brian Crum but I can’t say I really believe that. Freshman Brandon Spikes (6’3”, 240) is already physically ready for the SEC. Can he catch up mentally quick enough to be an impact freshman for this defense? I hope so but it’s all up in the air as of now. I’m going to go with both Everett and Siler here for all the reasons I named earlier.

Secondary: Just a few weeks ago many Gator fans would’ve described this as the weakest and most shallow unit on the entire squad. Luckily for UF, the NCAA’s new transfer rule brought in some much needed talent at corner that helped solidify a secondary badly in need of some player makers on the perimeter. Ryan Smith has come in from Utah and grabbed one of the starting corner positions on this team where he has reunited with his former head coach and position coach (Chuck Heater) at Utah. Smith was a freshman All-American during Utah’s undefeated season two years ago. Somehow he fell out of favor with new coach Kyle Whittingham and ended up out of Utahs’ starting lineup by mid-season. Once Smith decided to transfer, he sped up his course load and graduated Utah this summer. The aforementioned new NCAA rule allowed Smith to transfer to any school he chose to attend graduate school while not having to sit out the year that normal transfers must. This couldn’t have happened at a better time for the Gators who lost their top three corners off last year’s team through a combination of graduation (Vernell Brown), early entry (Dee Webb) and dismissal (Avery Atkins). Without Smith, UF would be faced with the prospect of starting two corners with precious little experience. A prospect that didn’t bode well for a Gator defense that employs man-to-man almost exclusively.

Starting opposite Smith will be senior Reggie Lewis. Lewis is a converted wide receiver who had never played a down of defense before last spring. While he struggled for much of last season, Lewis rebounded by stepping up in the absence of Brown (broken leg) late in the season with a some solid performances against Vandy (game saving interception in OT) and FSU. The light came on for Lewis late last year and has only continued to shine throughout the off-season. While going against one of the nations most talented wide receiver corps, Lewis has consistently held his own and received praise from Meyer for his ability and toughness throughout fall camp. Lewis will be tested early and often by SEC offenses and how he responds will go a long way towards determining the effectiveness of this defense.

Florida’s safeties will be junior Tony Joiner and junior Reggie Nelson. Joiner is a linebacker in a safety's body. Joiner is one of the hardest hitters on the entire squad and a player who has become one of the unquestioned leaders of this defense with his heady play and fiery persona. Joiner is still a relatively unproven safety (1 career start) and will need to prove he can handle the responsibilities if he’s to hold off former All-SEC freshman Kyle Jackson who is trying to recover mentally from an awful 2005 campaign. As for Reggie Nelson, well…

Breakout player: It may seem odd to simultaneously label a player as the team’s best defender and a breakout candidate but that’s precisely what I’m saying about Reggie Nelson. Florida fans have been waiting on Reggie Nelson for years. Ever since he teamed with Joe Cohen at Palm Bay High, Gator fans have been pining for the freakishly talented athlete to make his presence known at the Swamp. He did just that last year and should be expected to do that and more this season. Many scouts considered him the state’s best player when he came out of high school. Unfortunately, low test scores forced Nelson to junior college. There Nelson redshirted his freshman year (in order to preserve eligibility) and then became a JUCO All-American in his second year. He arrived on campus in Gainesville with as much hype as any player in Gator history and quickly made his way onto the field as the Gator’s nickel back early in the season. Meyer and his staff wanted to ease Nelson into a starting role before they threw him into the fray at Safety. It wouldn’t take long. Actually, Nelson's play wouldn't allow it to take long.

Though he wouldn’t start until the Georgia game, hesoon made his presence known to all the SEC. Nelson’s decapitation of Mohammed Massaquoi (right at 2:10) ranks as one of the more vicious hits of the entire 2006 college football season. Nelson ended up second on the team in sacks and tackles for loss. So exceptional is Nelson’s talent, that he was actually starting at corner for UF early in the fall before the emergence of Ryan Smith. Nelson will be all over the field this year for the Gators, starting at safety, lining up in the slot in nickel situations and even returning punts. It’s my expectation that Reggie f’n Nelson (as posters on Gator message boards have taken to calling him) will become one of the SEC’s (if not the nations) biggest stars this year.

If that comes to fruition and the linebackers and corners can avoid major injuries then a Gator defense which ranked in the nations’ top 10 last year may end up as the nation’s very best by year’s end.

The season kicks off at 6 pm tomorrow night in the Swamp vs. Southern Miss. I'm not sure if I can make it that long.

2006 Florida Gator Football Preview, Part 1

It’s nearly the start of college football season, which means its officially time for the preview that all of you have been waiting for (note: “all of you” should be interpreted to mean “nobody”), the 2006 Florida Gator Football Preview. We’ve got an awful lot to get to in the next two posts so we might as well skip the lengthy introduction and get right into it. Today’s post will cover the offensive side of the ball with a defensive preview forthcoming in the next couple of days. I’ll break the preview down according to position group with each group featuring my pick for the potential breakout star (read: someone who has yet to make much, if any, impact during their UF career) of the group. Without further ado:

Offensive Line: Offensive was probably the best way to describe last year’s unit. Despite having four seniors in the starting lineup, this unit struggled to adapt to a new blocking scheme and offense and ended up shitting the collective bed to the tune of 32 QB sacks during the 2005 season. There’s no doubt that Chris Leak had a hand in that ungodly number, but the majority of the blame falls on an underachieving o-line.

The good news here is that all but one starter off the aforementioned line has since moved on. However, that also means the Gators will be breaking in four new starting lineman. The performance of last year’s unit combined with the relative inexperience of this year’s o-line has many pundits predicting a disaster in the trenches for the Gators this year. Personally, I’m expecting improvement over last year’s performance (I know that’s not saying much) by a group of lineman who are collectively more physically talented than last year’s group while also having the advantage of two years within the current offensive system. Injuries (Ronnie Wilson’s broken ankle, most notably) have slowed the cohesion of this unit during fall drills but the reviews are still mostly positive about this year’s collection of big uglies. While the entire line will be one of the keys to the Gators’ success this year, special attention will be focused on Phil Trautwein and Calrton Medder, a pair of tackles who will be making their first ever collegiate starts come Saturday.

Breakout player: Drew Miller. Miller was originally slated to play at right tackle until right guard Ronnie Wilson went down with a broken ankle. Miller started some games at guard last season but is best suited for the tackle position. A position to which he’s expected to return once Wilson (or stud freshman Marcus Gilbert) return from injury. Urban Meyer called Miller’s play at tackle “phenomenal” early in camp and has continued to state that Miller is, at once, the Gators’ most talented and versatile lineman.

Quarterback: The only position which seemed to absorb more criticism than the o-line last year. While there’s no doubt that Chris Leak struggled to adapt to Meyer’s spread option scheme last year, the criticism of his overall play struck me as a bit overzealous. For all his faults and seeming incompatibility with the scheme, Leak still ended the year with the third most passing TDs in the SEC (20) while only throwing six interceptions. Furthermore, Leak finished third in the SEC in passing efficiency while still leading Florida to a respectable 10-3 record that included wins over Tennessee, Georgia, FSU & Iowa.

Fast forward to 2006, Leak now has a year under his belt in the system as well as a second year with the same offensive coordinator for the first time since he arrived on campus in Gainesville. Meyer has commented that Leak is “100% more comfortable” this year. This comfort level is no doubt due in no small measure to Meyer and Offensive Coordinator Dan Mullen’s attempts at further tailoring this offense (they made some adjustments to the scheme prior to the UGA game that resulted in a much more efficient offense during the season’s second half) to Leak's strengths by cutting down on some of the zone reads and increasing the rollouts and bootlegs in this offense. Another byproduct of Leak’s increased comfort is a far more vocal leader under center than at any time during his Gator career. I expect Leak to be a vocal leader for this Gator team while also putting together his finest season in orange & blue, ultimately landing him on the SEC’s First Team.

Breakout player: Tim Tebow. By now, every one has seen, or heard about the player ESPN dubbed “The Chosen One”. Tebow seems tailor made for the spread option scheme run by Meyer and Mullen. His performance in the annual spring game even had some irrational Gator fans calling for him to be named the starter. Regardless of the physical gifts that Tebow possesses (Meyer called him “a gorilla playing QB”. Which is a compliment, I think) the fact remains, he is but an 18 year old freshman who needs time to adjust to the rigors of college life and the college game. Tebow will play (and play early) because he must gain experience in case of an injury to Leak. However, something must go terribly wrong for him to assume the starting duties before September 2007.

Running backs: Ahh yes, the position that Meyer’s called “trash” during spring. That wasn’t just hyperbole either. In fact, things got so bad during spring drills that Meyer installed former walk-on fullback Billy Latsko as the #1 tailback and commented that maybe the Gators would just go without a tailback come fall.

Was some of this meant to motivate an underachieving group of backs? Sure. Was some of this just Meyer’s honest assessment of the situation? Absolutely. While the backs have certainly improved since spring ( getting a healthy Kestahn Moore back definitely helped), it is still a position without a defined starter despite the fact that Florida opens against Southern Miss in just over 4 days. If I had to guess I’d say that Moore gets the start come Saturday. However, this position is far from decided.

Breakout player: Wow…slim pickings is the phrase that comes to mind here. I toyed with selecting Markus Manson here but his inability to stand up to a stiff breeze gives me pause. In the end I decided that DeShawn Wynn was the best choice here. While it may seem odd to choose a player who has been an off and on starter since his freshman year, it’s not a stretch to say that Wynn hasn’t been much of a contributor during his time at Florida, especially considering the hype with which he arrived. Other than his amazing (and unbelievably frustrating in retrospect) run against Miami as a freshman, there’s hasn’t been much worth talking about during Wynn’s career at Florida other than trips to the coach’s doghouse and various off-field transgressions. Meyer’s approach (read: ripping your ass) seems to have lit a fire under Wynn this past year. Wynn has responded to Meyer’s various challenges by dedicating himself to his off-season conditioning (which had formerly consisted of drinking, papal elections, and McChicken sandwiches) and playing with a new sense of purpose and toughness throughout fall camp, forcing even Meyer to praise Wynn’s newfound approach to football. Though I feel like I’m setting myself up for disappointment here, I’m going to predict that Wynn gets to (or very near) 1,000 yards this year. If he does, the Gators should ride him to Atlanta come December.

Tight Ends: Technically, Meyer’s offense doesn’t employ a tight end. However, Meyer found quickly last year that the presence of a big, agile player who could both block and catch passes over the middle wasn’t necessarily the worst thing that you could have in the SEC. After Meyer and Mullen tweaked the offense during the bye week before the Georgia game, the tight end reappeared within the Gator offense and actually became a nice weapon within Meyer’s spread option scheme. Tight ends within this scheme are more H-back than traditional tight end, lining up in the backfield, alongside tackle, or split wide.

Last year, Tate Casey saw the majority of the snaps at tight end and though he saw some success, he didn’t develop the way many had expected after a sterling finish to his freshman season. The athletic Casey has plenty of talent and seems to have added some weight to his lanky 6’6” frame but he’ll need to avoid the drops that plagued him last year if he wants to become an impact player with this offense.

Breakout player: Cornelius Ingram. This could very well be the breakout player for the entire Gator offense in 2006. The former member of the UF Basketball team is a converted QB who just made the switch to TE/WR during the spring despite never playing anything other than QB his entire life. Ingram is a fantastic athlete who starred at Hawthorne High (tiny, tiny town outside of Gainesville…some people still ride horses there, seriously) in both sports and briefly contemplated transferring before ultimately deciding to try the WR/TE position. Within days of spring practice opening, coaches and players alike were raving about the talent and potential of the 6’4” 225 lb redshirt sophomore. While his blocking needs improvement, the matchup problems presented by a man this size who also runs a 4.45 forty yard dash are too great to keep him off the field. Oh yeah, during the spring, Meyer commented (and has since repeated) thatIngram has the best hands/ball skills of anybody he’s coached since he was at Ohio State with some guy named Cris Carter. I don’t know much about Carter, but I seem to remember him having a decent NFL career. By mid-season I fully expect Ingram to be a major part of UF’s offense.

Wide Receivers: Easily the most talent laden group on this year’s offense. Despite the loss of second round pick Chad Jackson, this year’s unit possesses more talent and depth than any group at Florida since 2001, and possibly 1996.

After year’s of tantalizing Gator fans with his talent, Dallas Baker finally began to come into his own last year as he posted career bests of 52 receptions and 700 yards receiving. Perhaps more importantly, Baker showed newfound maturity by stepping up in the absence of fellow wideout Andre Caldwell and extraordinary toughness by playing two games with a broken rib and punctured lung. Baker finished the season on high note by claiming Outback Bowl MVP honors with 10 receptions for 147 yards and 2 TDs. At 6’3”, 207 lbs. Baker’s physicality should make him murder in the redzone as well as a valuable possession receiver.

After fracturing his femur against Tennessee early last season, many people wondered if Andre Caldwell would ever play again, much less regain the speed and strength that made him Meyer’s pick as the “difference maker” for the 2005 offense. However, Caldwell attacked his rehabilitation and returned to action this fall looking bigger and faster (he actually ran a faster 40 than last year, 4.29) than ever before. Both Caldwell and Baker have been nearly impossible to cover during fall drills and seem determined to leave their mark on the record books at a school that has seen it’s share of dominant receivers over the years. Rounding out the starting wide receivers is senior Jemalle Cornelius who seemed poised to grab the role vacated by Caldwell last year before a high ankle sprain against Kentucky limited his mobility for much of the year. Cornelius provides great speed and elusiveness in the slot and demonstrated a penchant for big catches late last year with his play against Vanderbilt and FSU. Look for Cornelius to post 35-40 catches and 6-700 yards receiving. One last note: Senior Kenneth Tooks has reportedly looked better than ever this fall and should challenge for a far larger role than he occupied last year.

Breakout player: Percy Harvin. The nation’s #1 wide receiver recruit last year has been receiving praise since the first day of fall camp from both players and coaches for his speed, elusiveness and attitude. He was the first freshman to have his “stripe removed” (signifying a freshman has officially become a Gator) and has continually dazzled observers with not only his ability but also his work ethic. Even Urban Meyer, who is known to be less than effusive in his praise of players, and especially freshman, has been constant in his praise for Harvin. While not yet slated to start, Harvin is not far away as he currently sits at #4 on the depth chart at wide receiver. I’d expect Harvin to play early and often with Meyer and Co. making a concerted effort to get him involed in the game plan through the use of screens, reverses, and options. Special mention of freshman Riley Cooper (6’4, 225, 4.4-40) who has flown up the depth chart and basically forced the staff to play him due to his unique combination of size, speed, and toughness.

Overall, I expect this year’s offense to be dramatically improved and put to rest the (absurd) notion that the spread offense cannot succeed within the SEC. If the o-line jells early and Leak can develop the confidence he lacked early last year, this Florida offense should be the best the Swamp has seen since the final days of SOS.

I’ll return on Thursday with my take on Florida’s defense and special teams.

(Note: Pictures will be included in the post soon. Blogger is not currently cooperating)

Coming Soon...

Surprisingly, I'm not referring to Hurricane Ernesto, which seems to possess the potential to wreak havoc with not only the beginning of the college football season down here in Florida, but also my newly leaky roof which reared its ugly head last week. As much as I'd love to get a random day off during the middle of this week, I'd be more than willing to sacrifice a little sleep and bear with some minor work-related annoyances if that's what it takes to get this weekend's slate of college football games off without a hitch.

While the hurricane (or potential hurricane) may very well be coming soon, that possible arrival is not what you should be eagerly anticipating over the next 24 hours (or so). Rather, the pending arrival that should leave you all waiting with baited breath is my 2006 Florida Gator Football Preview. While I'm not making any promises, I'd bet that the first installment of said preview will grace the interwebs at some point tomorrow afternoon. I realize that it may be hard for you to sleep tonight now that you're armed with this knowledge but you're just going to have soldier through this thing like the rest of us. And by rest of us, I mean Kellen Winslow, Jr., of course.

Oh yeah, I do have one more thing for you today. Enjoy:

World's Longest Dunk - Funny Japanese TV

I'm a little busier than anticipated this afternoon but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about you guys. On the contrary, here's a little something to make you think of me (I was the originator of this stunt back in 5th grade. Though my version involved a Dyno, a retention pond and the local police...seriously)while your wasting away the last couple hours of your work week.

Inbox Insanity

Many of the handful of people who read this blog know who John Van Vleet is, while a few of you may not. I realize that I'm probably overestimating my readership by describing it by using terms such as "handful" and "few" but they were the best I could come up with, so bear with me here.

John was an intern when I worked in minor league baseball. John lived on the outfield berm in a tent for the entirety of the minor league baseball season. When you consider that this means John lived in a tent in Florida during the summer, this is no small feat. This probably gives you some sense of how nuts John actually is. Though, to be truthful, this nugget does no justice to the overwhelming depths of John's insanity. I don't mean this as an insult towards John in any way. John isn't "unabomber crazy", though we all had our doubts when he moved out to Montana. John's more like the "Hunter S. Thompson genius/completely insane" kind of crazy. How else do you describe somebody who brought things into our lives such as "The Corey Dillon Song" (You can't stop Corey Dillon. Corey Dillon knows that you're comin'!...to be sung while running the ball with Dillon during Madden), "The Coke Penguin" and of course the classic Van Halen cover "Right Meow" (with accompanying illustration)? A smarter more learned man may have a better way to describe someone like John (sexual predator?). However, I, am not that man, so I'll just stick with genius level insane.

What's the point of all this? There isn't one really, other than to introduce the author of the short story that apeared in my inbox this morning. A short story that actually made me glad that I came into work today. Though to be truthful, that feeling wore off pretty quickly. Anyway, without further ado I present to you the second entry to John's new blog, Dikembe Mutombo, M.D.:

Episode 2- Operation: Operation


Dikembe sits at his desk, gigantic angular head in his gigantic sprawling hands, listening to a mixed CD of Cyndi Lauper's greatest hits and staring at the small brown picture frame to his left. The room is dark except for the small lamp behind the frame, and through his fingers, Dikembe stares at the image captured beneath the pane of dusty glass, mingling with the shadows and darkness of the room.

In the photo, two young boys, their rib cages covered by only a thin layer of fly-bitten skin, sit with their legs crossed, hovering over a red and yellow board game. One is smiling, the other holding a pair of tweezers.

"Hey, you set the time for the Alderman surgery?" Dr. Harris says, walking briskly into the room, breaking the silence that blanketed the office. "And why the hell is it so dark in here?"

Surprised by the intrusion and the question, Dikembe glances up
quickly and mutters, "You say Yusef?" Harris balks, raises his eyebrows and says, "Lay off the blow, Deke. I asked if you set the date for the Alderman surgery."

"Alderman, early morning," Mutombo says. "Early."

A takeout box of tempura chicken sits uneaten on the floor, the smell of Chinese food mixes with the sterile, bleach smell of the hospital. "It smells like someone boiled a bunch of your dirty underwear," Harris says. "Skidmarks and all."

Walking around the desk, Harris nearly steps on the white styrofaom box and
asks, "You gonna eat this chicken?"

"No hungry."

"Deke, you seriously look like hell," Harris says. "What's going on?"

Mutombo slams down the picture frame, looking up quickly at his colleague.
"Get out," he says. "And take damn tempura chicken with you."

Harris reaches down, spills some rice on the floor as he grabs the
chicken, and walks out silently, shutting the door behind him. Dikembe
puts his head on his arms, turns off the light, and lets out a deep breath.

Just outside the office, Harris runs into Sandy, who is leaving for the night.

"Sandy, do you know anything about someone named Yusef?" he asks. "I think Deke is going crazy."

"He mentioned Yusef?" she asks hurriedly. "What did he say?"

"Nothing in particular. I asked if he had set the time for a surgery, and he asked me about Yusef."

Sandy rubs her hands together nervously, her dark brown eyes darting around the hallway. "Yusef was..."

Mutombo's door opens and his massive body lumbers out, his head ducking under the frame as he steps into the hallway.

"...My brother."

"I didn't know you had a brother, Deke," Harris says apologetically.

"He die as kid," Mutombo says softly. "We play game
of Operation all the time in village. Listen to Cyndi. Beside kill wildabeasts, our only fun."

Harris and Sandy look at Mutombo's weathered face as he speaks, a three-day growth of facial hair interrupting his leathery skin.

"One day, all Yusef have left Charley Horse to win," he says. "We play with guy who live in shanty next to ours. Yusef just take out Water on Knee and guy get mad, he want win. Yusef take out Charley Horse and yells 'Victory!' Guy push him over, take Charley Horse and shove it in his mouth. Yusef start choke. I try to help him, try to save him, but fail. Yusef die in my
arms, make me want to become doctor. Me have to go."

Sandy and Harris watch as Dikembe walks down the hallway and out the door. They trade glances and Sandy begins to walk away.

"Wait! You knew about Yusef? Harris says. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She turns, looks to the floor and says "It wasn't my place. It wasn't my place."

Two blocks away from the hospital, Mutombo's jet blackVolkswagen Passat pulls into the parking lot of his favorite bar. He chugs the last bit of the pint of rum he stashes in his glove compartment and walks to the door. Swinging open the large, wooden door, Dikembewalks in to his home away from home and yells his customary greeting.

"Who wants to sex Mutombo tonight?"

Puking, grabbing boobs, ruptured tendons...has it really been ten years?

Apparently the people who read my blog don’t enjoy “diss tracks” nearly as much as I do. That’s really not that surprising when you consider that I have an unnatural love for that sub-genre of music. It’s of little importance anyway since soon I’ll be back to spewing sports-related nonsense on a regular basis. By soon, of course, I mean in a couple of weeks when college football comes back home and the pennant races begin to really heat up. With the current dry spell in the sporting landscape (there is NOTHING to watch on the weekends) it ended up being perfect timing that my high schools class’ ten year reunion was this past weekend. To be honest with you, I wasn’t really looking forward to my reunion. In fact, if I wasn’t currently dating a girl whom also happened to graduate in the same class there’d be no virtually no chance that I would’ve even considered attending. It’s not that I’m too good for my former classmates (well, actually it is). Rather, this reticence to attend stems from the fact that I live in the town where I went to high school and see a large percentage of my graduating (or non-graduating depending on the person) class on a fairly regular basis. Ultimately though, the idea of my girlfriend holding my refusal to attend this event over my head for the next 6-12 months was not appealing to me and eventually led to my agreement to attend said festivities.

I’ve got to admit that I’m glad my girlfriend made me participate. Friday night was an informal gathering of our class at a local bar that serves as a reunion place of sorts over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Most towns have places like these where locals congregate when home from college and such. I figured this event would end up being somewhat sparsely attended and didn’t arrive until sometime shortly after 11. By this time the bar was absolutely jammed, primarily with members of my class. For the next three hours I chatted with a ton of people that I hadn’t seen in some time while still managing to be fairly anti-social (read: short, quick conversations with long lost “friends” followed by bad excuses for cutting a conversation short. These excuses usually had to do with alcohol and ended up getting me extremely drunk by night’s end.) I won’t bore you with too many details other than to say that my girlfriend ended the night by falling on her ass in the parking lot as we (and 20-30 other people) made our way to our respective forms of transportation.

Saturday night would be the official reunion. Earlier in the day, a friend of ours had a little barbeque for a small group of people. It was a nice gathering of people with many of our former classmates bringing their kids to show them off. I didn’t bring either of my kids to the bbq because they live in Memphis and don’t really know who their “daddy” is, but that’s a story for another time. Once Saturday night rolled around, it seemed like a night that was destined for a good time. One of my old roommates from grad school was coming into town and we had convinced him to attend the reunion with us. The way we (we meaning “me”) rationalized the whole scenario was that my old roommate (Federico) had actually never graduated high school. Thus, this would be his de facto high school reunion. You see, Federico actually grew up in between Colombia and America and ended up back in Colombia when he was 16. Though he was a junior in America, the Colombian school he attended wanted to make him a freshman. Instead of doing this, Federico’s mom arranged for him to purchase his high school diploma from another school in Colombia. I’ve never seen the actual diploma but it must be pretty good because it’s fooled both the American government as well as the admissions staff at the University of Florida. Fed has used this bogus diploma (along with its attached teacher comments) to join the Marines, become an Embassy guard in both Lima and Rome and (eventually) graduate from Florida. So, with that background in his mind, Fed showed up at my house on Saturday afternoon ready to hit up the reunion. Fed and I then set out to pick up my friends Kurt and Dave for the reunion and eventually headed back to my house to pick up the last member of our crew for the evening, my girlfriend before stopping by my local bar for a beer and a shot to loosen us all up.

We made it to the reunion by a little before 8 and quickly settled in. Fed decided to wear my name tag (with appropriately awful senior picture) and see if he could convince anybody that he was me (no.). The reunion went like most reunions go, I assume. Random conversations amongst people who aren’t likely to interact again for another 10-15 years followed by dinner, more random conversations and, of course, quite a bit of drinking. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of discernable activities at a reunion or the forced nature of it all, but what I do know is that there were an awful lot of drunk people (and fittingly drunk actions) by around 10:30 or so. In order to make this post wrap up a little more efficiently than most of my narrative driven posts, I’ll go over the rest of the evenings/weekends highlights in bullet form:

- Fed and Kurt had water balloons dropped on them by some kids staying at the hotel while they were smoking out on the deck of the hotel bar. Of course, both Kurt and Fed felt the need to enact retribution of their assassins. Going on a tip from somebody else in attendance, Kurt and Fed went to room 708 and proceeded to bang on the door and shout various verbal threats at the occupants of said room. Naturally, the occupants weren’t the offending parties, but a single mother and her child. As you might imagine, Kurt and Fed scared these two half to death and nearly end up getting arrested by the cops.

- A former high school teammate of mine, Phil, groped, not one but, two of our female friends in public. First, while discussing their children and her spouse, Phil reached around and grabbed my friend Becky’s ass. When Becky asked him what the hell he was doing, Phil responded (in full Ron Burgundy mode), “I just want to be around you and your nakedness.” Yes, he really said that. I wish I was joking. Secondly, during a conversation with Kurt’s ex-girlfriend Cindy, Phil reached into Cindy’s shirt and underneath her bra and grabbed her boob. As Cindy recoiled in horror, Phil leaned in to kiss her. When Cindy again recoiled and uttered something in protest, Phil (no more than 6 inches from her face) blurted out, “You’re a bitch! You’re a fucking bitch!!” I guess we should’ve known something was up when Phil was drinking wine straight from the bottle earlier in the evening.

- Later in the night a few of the non-graduates from our class decided to crash. Since I brought a Colombian with no affiliation to the school at all, I decided not to say anything. One of these people was a friend of ours named Damon. Damon is, more accurately, the brother of our friend Hunter. Damon has a drinking problem. Damon has a drug problem. Damon has had both of these “problems” for quite some time. At some point shortly after he showed up, Damon and Kurt were outside on the deck having a smoke. As they were talking Damon began to wobble a bit. At this point, Kurt leaned in to make sure Damon didn’t fall over. It was at this point that Damon lost control of himself and proceeded to wretch all over Kurt. To sum up, Kurt made numerous trips outside to smoke. On two of these trips, Kurt was hit with a water balloon and thrown up upon. Smoking is bad.

- As the night was winding down, Fed came to me with his eyes glassed over, clearly intoxicated. Because I’ve known Fed for many years I knew exactly what the wanted: my keys. When Fed gets drunk to a certain point, he cannot control his desire to sleep. This leads to an awful lot of Fed passing out in cars. He’s passed out in my car more times than I care to count. He does it everywhere, outside bars, parties, baptisms, wherever. The one problem on this evening is that we had already rented a hotel room. I, being the asshole that I am, decided against reminding Fed of this fact and let him go sleep in my car. When he eventually awoke at 4 am in my car, Fed had no idea where anybody was (in our room) and eventually hitchhiked his way home to my house where Erika and I would find him around noon on Sunday.

I eventually got to bed around 4 am. My girlfriend ended up going swimming in the ocean with some friends of her at about 5 am. Amazingly enough, she was not attacked by sharks, and found her way back to our room by 5:30 or so.

All in all it was a pretty enjoyable weekend. That is, until I woke up on Sunday morning.

With all the drinking I was doing I had planned to wake up thinking “Jesus, who hit my head with a ballpeen hammer last night.” Instead, my head felt fine and I awoke thinking, “Fuck. Who shot me in the leg last night?” Somehow, through the night I’d managed to rupture the plantaris tendon in my leg, though I wouldn’t discover this until I’d spent most of my Sunday in the ER. Apparently this tendon is fairly useless and doesn’t even exist in about 10% of humans but also happens to be quite painful when it does actually exist and rupture. I won’t bore you with too many details, other than to provide these links and tell you that I’m on crutches for at least a week and won’t be able to do much (if any) lower body activities (save for physical therapy) for the next month or so. As you might’ve guesses, I’m more than a little bitter about all of this. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in since I was 19 or 20 and play basketball at a local park 5-6 days week. Now, I have to try and not fall apart physically until I can at least begin to start some light running or stationary bike work in a couple of weeks. To say nothing of the city league that I have starting up in a few weeks that it looks like I’ll miss a nice portion of. Just think, none of this shit would’ve happened if I’d have just refused to go to my damn high school reunion. Something to consider when the 20 year mark rolls around.

Here to brighten your day...

There’s a noticeable hop in my step today because today is undoubtedly one of my favorite days of the year. No, its not the beginning of fall practice for my beloved Gators. That was Saturday. Rather, the source of my joy on this Wednesday is the resumption of class for all public schools here in Brevard County. For me there’s really nothing quite like the feeling I get when I see all those little rats, that have mocked me all summer with their aimless wanderings (to and fro…those punks), standing at their bus stops early in the morning. Some might say that deriving this level of satisfaction from a group of people’s collective pain makes me a petty person or, even a jerk. To that I say, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Since I’m writing today about things that put a hop in my step, I figure I’ll keep the ball rolling.

Most people who know me are aware that I love hip-hop like few other art forms. Within this genre there are any number of sub-categories to choose from. However, no category of song in hip-hop elicits the kind of reaction from me like the well honored hip-hop tradition of the “diss track”. Even if your last concert featured the Kenny Chesney-Manning Brother love triangle belting out twang filled lyrics on stage, I’m pretty sure that the term “diss track” is descriptive enough not to merit further explanation from me. With that in mind, I present to you a breakdown of what I consider to be the world’s greatest diss track: Tupac Shakur’s Hit ‘Em Up

While many diss tracks feature the same composition as most other hip-hop songs (3-4 verses and 2-3 choruses) Hit ‘Em Up is so filled with anger and vitriol that the song seems to bounce from subject to subject with little regard for story telling, or even overall direction. Under normal circumstances this would present a problem. However, it is this scatter brained fury that makes this song so very powerful and engrossing. What follows is my best attempt to break down all the shots and insults encompassed in this 4 minute opus of abhorrence, venom and good old fashioned ill will.

Tupac swings for the fences in the songs first line, firing his first shot across Biggie’s bow by exclaiming “Thats why I fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker.” Well then, I think we all know where this is going. After this, Tupac says that he and his crew are quote “Bad Boy Killers”. The first, but certainly not the last time he will claim to be such. All of this plus some other claims all come before the rapping even begins. Almost a foreword to the novella of hate that is to follow.

Eventually, Tupac begins to rap by shouting, “First off, fuck your bitch and the click you claim”. I like how Pac is itemizing here in the beginning. Kind of his way of letting the listeners know that he’s got a long list of stuff to get to. My mom does this when she calls me with numerous newsworthy items to deliver (sans the gratuitous profanity). Later in the verse, Pac refutes Biggie’s claims of playadom by once again stating that he f’ed Big’s wife and again states that he’d like to shoot all of the Bad Boy crew (I’m keeping a running total of some things here that I’ll get to at the end). As the verse continues, Pac proceeds to call Puffy “weak” and label both Biggie and all of Junior Mafia as “mark ass bitches”. Extra credit to Pac for using the term mark ass bitches…always a crowd pleaser. After this, Pac decides to throw a little venom toward some of Big’s associates, lest they feel left out. It’s at this point that Pac threatens to cut Lil Cease’s “young ass up” and then tells Lil Kim that she shouldn’t “fuck around with real G’s” while intimating that she’s a woman of the night by saying he will “snatch her ugly ass off the streets” and finally, in the interest of rhyming, exclaims “Fuck peace”. Good thing Pac added that nugget, I was beginning to get the wrong impression. Pac ends his first verse by saying that Bad Boy will get “murdered on wax AND killed” (just in case we thought he was saying all this euphemistically I presume) and then promises to peel the respective caps of the Bad Boy crew.

After all of this, Tupac finally makes his way to a chorus. A chorus that’s near perfect as far as I’m concerned. I’ll simply let the words speak for themselves in this instance:

“Grab your glocks when you see Tupac/ Call the cops when you see Tupac (uhh)/ Who shot me, but you punks didn’t finish/ now you about to feel the wrath of a menace/ N*gg# I hit em up.”

It’s at this point that Tupac actually insults the very people with whom he rhymes on this track (The Outlawz) by exclaiming, “Check this out. You motherfuckers know what time it is. I don’t even know why I’m on this track. Ya’ll n*gg#s ain’t even on my level. I’m going to let my little homies ride on you bitch made ass Bad Boy bitches.” I love this little interlude because I always imagine the other rappers sitting in the studio hearing this and feeling a little dissed by Pac (rightfully so). Yet wisely deciding not to say anything that might further enrage the rapper, lest they receive a vicious pistol whipping reminiscent of Kane’s bludgeoning of Chauncey in Menace II Society.

The next verse isn’t much to write home about other than the rappers numerous threats on Biggie, Junior Mafia, and Puffy. If nothing else, it’s impressive in it’s efficiency. Somehow this guy manages to cram 7 death threats into a measly 12 lines of lyrics. Nice work. This verse is followed by the aforementioned “greatest chorus ever”.

Tupac comes back for verse #3, starting the verse off by saying that he and his crew “keep it real as penitentiary steel”. I have no idea what this means but I’ve never been to jail and Tupac had (numerous times) so I’m going to cede to the expert on this one and assume that penitentiary steel is as real as it gets. Next, Pac informs the listener that “this ain’t no freestyle battle” in case we weren’t sure of his intentions and then follows this up by telling Biggie and Co. that “all you n*gg#s getting killed with you mouths open(?)”. I’m guessing that this is a much worse way to get killed than with your mouth closed. As the verse rolls on Pac begins to expand his “diss game” by insulting the financial security of both Biggie and Junior Mafia by rapping “Talking ‘bout you getting money but its funny to me. All you n*gg#as livin bummy while you fuckin with me.” To further shame his targets Pac shouts “I’m a self made millionaire (umm, I think Suge Knight might have had a hand in that Pac…just saying) Thug livin, out of prison, pistols in the air.” In order to further prove Biggie’s lack of wealth Pac brings up the past by announcing “Biggie remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch and beg the bitch to let you sleep at the house?” Pac goes on to finish the verse by referencing the five bullets he took and how they couldn’t even stop him. Finishing with true panache by saying, “Now I’m back to set the record straight. With my A-k I’m still the thug that you love to hate. Motherfucker, I hit em up!”

The next verse features another one of Pac’s aforementioned “little homies”. As was the case with the earlier verse, this one lacks a lot of truly memorable lines, save for a few choice cuts. Especially funny to me is the line where he calls the Junior Mafia the “Junior Whopper Click”. I’m not sure why the comparison of a low grade rap group to a discount burger tickles my funny bone but it does, time and time again.

This verse is followed by one more little homey verse that includes lots of average rapping lines about killing, shooting, killing, and just a dash of murder. Oh yeah, he also calls Biggie “softer than Alize with a chaser”. Which (I assume having never drank Alize) is extremely effin' weak.

Finally, Tupac re-enters the track. However, Pac’s approach on his third time around is just a little different than the previous two efforts. To label this as “rapping” would be tremendously narrow minded of the listener. What Tupac does on the rest of this song is more akin to spoken word poetry than rapping. Spoken word poetry that is laced with profanity and not-so-vague threats on people’s lives, mind you.

There’s some truly fantastic material in here. Pac gets started right away by calmly stating, “Now you tell me who won?/I see them, they run/They don’t want to see us/Whole Junior Mafia click dressing up trying to be us/how the fuck they gonna be the mob/when we always on our job/we millionaires/killing ain’t fair/but somebody got to do it."

As a matter of record, those last two lines (beginning with “killing aint fair”) are my senior yearbook quote. Alright, that’s a lie, but only because we didn’t have yearbook quotes at my high school.

Pac isn’t done yet, far from it. His vitriol spills over and begins to spread towards many other rappers as Pac calls out such rappers such as Mobb Deep, “Oh yeah, Mobb Deep/You wanna fuck with us/You little young ass motherfuckers/Don’t one of you n*gg#s got sickle cell or something/You fucking with me/You fuck around and have a seizure or a heart attack or something/You better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up.”

From here things quickly deteriorate as Pac utters that famous Shakespearean phrase, “We bringing drama/Fuck you and your motherfucking mama.” Shortly after this Pac starts to become homicidal in his tone as he calls out everyone from Biggie to Mobb Deep to Chino XL (I’ve still never figured out how he ended up in Pac’s cross hairs) to even members of the Bad Boy Staff and record label by repeatedly exclaiming “Fuck you too” after each person’s (or groups) name is uttered.

Finally, Pac gets back to his hateful tribute to spoken word by ending the song with this classic piece of prose:

“All of ya’ll motherfuckers/Fuck you die slow mother fucker/My fo-fo makes sure all yo kinds don’t grow/You mother fuckers can’t be us or see us/We mother fuckin Thug Life riders, West side ‘til we die/Out here in California we warned ya/We’ll bomb on you mother fuckers. (Can somebody tell me how the California TDC hasn’t commissioned this slogan yet?)

But wait, Pac’s not done yet: “We do our job/You think you the mob, n*gg#, we the motherfuckin mob/Ain’t nothing but killers and the real n*gg#s/all you mother fuckers feel us/Our shit goes triple and four quatro (Uhh, ok?)/You n*gg#s laugh cause our staff got guns in they mother fucking belts/You know how it is when we drop records they felt/You niggas can’t feel it/We the realest/fuck ‘em/We Bad Boy Killers!!!

Its really just beautiful isn’t it? Even as a fan who always preferred Biggie to Tupac, its easy for me to see the artistry involved in such a hate filled song. I may be wrong but I don’t think any of us will ever hear a diss track so complete in its scope for as long as we live. Unless of course the Sheena Easton-Gloria Estefan diss track from back in ’86 is ever leaked on the internet.

You DO NOT want it with Sheena. Seriously, just back up.

As promised, here are the totals for some of the more common themes expressed on Hit ‘Em Up:

- Claims on relations with Faith Evans: 3

- Labeling himself and his crew as “Bad Boy Killers”: 4

- Shout outs to the “West Side”: 6

- Plain ole F-Us: 11

- Use of the word Motherfucker: 19

- Various threats of killing/stabbing/shooting, etc.: 32

Finally, for sticking with this post until it’s completion. Here’s one last thing that makes life a little easier to deal with, a Ruben Patterson story.

Fuck, fuckin yeah!!

I'm busy dealing with politicians all day today so I won't be posting anything this afternoon. However, even the stench of dirty money and empty promises can't ruin my day. That's because today marks exactly one month until the college football season begins in earnest. A month from today I'll be sitting on my couch drinking beer and controlling 6-10 football games at a time with nothing more than two remotes and one hand. The guys at EDSBS called today the beginning of Football Advent and that sounds just about right to me. Sure, Christmas was great when I was young but it pales badly in comparison to football now that I'm all grown up and responsible. Well, grown up at least. With that in mind, here's a little video of Gator commit Chris Rainey torching a few kids at a passing camp earlier this summer. Can we get him on campus now?

Oh yeah, sorry about the gratuitous profanity. It's a college football reference (even if it's a little inside) though, I swear.