This summer will REALLY be endless....

I'm still in quite a bit of pain today and am leaving to go see the Doctor here in a few minutes so I'm not going to get to a whole bunch much today.

The Master's has been discussed ad nauseum already but I want to throw my two cents in as well. Chris DiMarco showed alot of guts coming back from an awful morning on Sunday that would've really doomed many more talented players. He is as tough mentally as any golfer I've seen in quite a while. If he hits his chip on 18, nobody even remembers Tiger's chip on 16 which was probably the most amazing shot I can remember seeing at Augusta since Larry Mize's miracle chipa gainst Greg Norman. With that said, it is inexcuseable to have left the second shot of the playoff short (in almost the exact same spot). Make some adjustments will you. Di Marco definitely has to be considered in the "best player to never win a major" conversation after his Ryder Cup performance as well as his last two major finishes. I know that I'll be rooting for him to win one from here on out because, well...he's a Gator.

As for the Orange and Blue game on Saturday, not only was it attended by a record crowd (and approximately 13,000 more people than the Utah-BYU game of last year) but, more importantly it was attended by a huge number of former Gators who have been conspicuous by their absence in recent years. In one of his best (and somewhat under publiczed moves), Urban Meyer sents letters and called as many former Gators as possible (ranging from Cris Collinsworth to Alex Brown and everybody in between) encouraging them to come back to Gainesville and be a part of this renaissance of Gator Football. Meyer is restoring a swagger to the program that has been absent in recent years and he's reaching out to Gators of the past in an effort to connect the program's rich history with its exciting present and future. Alot of coaches aren't nearly confident enough in themselves to do something like this which clearly isn't the case with Meyer. There hasn't been a time like this for Gator fans since early 1990 and for me (who was 12) in '90, there has never been a time like this.

As for the game itself, it was a high scoring affair but that is in part due to Meyer putting restrictions on the defenses. His reasoning behind this was that the fans don't want to see a 3-0 Spring game and he's right. He is doing everything in his power to bring excitement back to Gator Football and thus far he has been an unabashed success.

I have yet to see the game (Tivo'd for tonight) but I have read the reports and here are a few names to remember:

Josh Portis, QB: Only 17, he enrolled early after switching his commitment from Utah. The California passer is 6'4" and runs a 4.4/4.5 with an absolute gun for an arm. He took almost all of the second team QB snaps this spring with Gavin Dickey playing baseball and Cornelius Ingram sitting the bench for Billy D. He broke a 20-30 yard run in nearly every spring practice. As the Orange team starter on saturday, he went 20-30 for 251 and one pick. If he isn't starting for Florida in two years, I'll eat my shoe.

Derrick Harvey, DE: The #1 or #2 DE recriut in the nation last year. He redshirted this past year in an effort to put on some weight. Was an absoulte pass rushing terror in the spring and followed that up with two sacks in the O&B game. Will start the year as a situational pass rusher but should be in the starting lineup by mid-season.

Reggie Lewis, CB: Converted WR who caught 13 passes in last years O&B game only to get lost in the WR shuffle last season. The brother of former FSU WR Ronald Lewis switched to CB this spring and impressed everybody with his size/speed combo. He is still learning the position but I expect him to take over the spot opposite Dee Webb from Vernell Brown by the opener versus Wyoming.

As always, there were plenty of guys who stepped up and made a case for playing time but those three were some of the more interesting storylines, from my perspective. Do I really ahve to wait until August for more football? God I hate the summer.

This sure is fun.

I threw out my back yesterday playing basketball and am in a considerable amount of pain now. As a result of this, I probably won't be posting anything else today. I'm thinking about calling it a day and heading home to lay on the couch. Anway, I'll be back tommorow to talk about the Masters (fantastic to watch) as well as the Urban Meyer Lovefest aka the Orange and Blue Game whihc was attended by 58,500 people. Just an amazing turnout no matter how you slice it. Now where's my vicodin?

Urban Revolution

In the immortal words of Duke Tango, “Ohhhh Baby!!”.

That’s right, it’s Friday and I have a full weekend ahead of me…well almost full as we have a home game tonight followed by a post game fireworks show, which means I probably won’t be leaving the stadium until around 11 or so. It's amazing how excited all of these slack-jawed yokels get for some fireworks. You really have to see it to understand the phenomenon.

Not to worry, I will fight through my disdain for all of the people that frequent our stadium if only because I know if I’m able to do this then they’ll be a nice cold glass of Jagermeister awaiting me whenever I arrive at my local watering hole. I haven’t been this excited about a weekend in quite awhile. Not only will I have the entire to weekend to myself but I’ll also be attending a concert in Orlando tomorrow night .

Oh yeah, and the Urban Meyer Era officially gets underway tomorrow as the Gators will grace Florida Field at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium for the annual Orange and Blue Game at noon. I just talked to a friend of mine who works for the UAA at Florida and she said that they’re expecting over 50,000 people to attend tomorrow’s scrimmage. Read that last sentence again. You don’t think that people are a little excited about the new guy do you? I was planning on attending the scrimmage as well in order to get a first hand look at the new spread offense. Yet, with tonight’s game having the potential to be such a late finish I figured that I would just catch the TV replay on Sunday afternoon. It’s great to live in an area of the country where football scrimmages are televised. There’s that and all the varied species of mullets that I get to see on a daily basis as well.

Other than that, I don’t have a lot today with the exception of a few random comments/observations.

- If I'm ever on "Pimp My Ride", I want a Slurpee machine installed in my car. Not some cheap knockoff Icee Machine goddammit. An effin' Slurpee machine.

- Kelenna Azubuike has declared for the NBA draft and signed with an agent. I have no idea what he was thinking since he’ll be lucky, actually very lucky to get picked in the second round. I would’ve loved to see Tubby Smith’s reaction when he heard this news. I’m betting his look was a combination of his normal “crazy eyes” and the look that you make when you unexpectedly step into a freshly “fumigated” bathroom. In a related story, every coke dealer with ties to the NBA just got a two way with nothing but a picture of Azubuike’s nostrils.

- Oklahoma State signee and McDonald’s Slam Dunk Champion Gerald Green is applying for the NBA Draft as well. Anybody who saw either his performance in the Slam Dunk Contest (which was lovely) or the post contest interview could’ve predicted that this was going to happen about two minutes afterwards. I haven’t heard a person sound so uncomfortable speaking the English language since the time I met Tony Pena during Spring Training when I was 12.

- I watched some of HBO’s “Hookers at the Point: Revisited” with my girlfriend last night. I have seen the original and various other incarnations of this documentary but she hadn’t so (per her request) I put it on for awhile, a very short while. I cannot describe to you how spectacularly uncomfortable it is to watch grainy footage of filthy hookers and even filthier johns having sex while sitting on the couch with your girlfriend is. I would’ve rather watched six consecutive hours of “The View”. Seriously.

- What’s the point of changing the name of a franchise from the Bullets to the Wizards if you’re just gonna end up wearing throwback jerseys (for 20+ games) and selling these same jerseys that say Bullets on them. Based on the original logic for the name change, isn’t this marketing strategy accomplishing basically the same thing that the good people in the Washington front office were trying to avoid?

Fuck you. Fuck you. You’re cool. Fuck you. I’m out!

Couldn't I be doing this with my G.E.D.?

It’s opening night of our Minor League season this evening, so I’m entirely to busy to write anything at all tonight. Well, there’s that and the fact that the AC is broken down here in the ticket office which, inturn, means that I am currently sweating while typing this post. I am not nearly dedicated enough to perform my job under these conditions, much less write for you schlubs.

In case you missed it, the Magic blew a very winnable game last night against the Bulls and are all but eliminated from the playoffs. Well done Weisbrod, well done indeed. I’ll be back tomorrow with something, though its probably not going to be much more than some pointless drivel. Then again, that’s pretty much what you’ve come to expect from me after all these months so why change now, right?

Uh-oh, I just heard “be ready for tarp” over the radio from our Head Groundskeeper here at the stadium. I really do have to go now. I sure am glad that I spent $50,000 on a Master’s degree.

Just cut the grass and give me my damn money!

I have to admit that I was a bit dissapointed in last night's championship game. This is not to say that it wasn't a good game, capable of holding my attention for a two hour span because it certainly was. I just never got the feeling that UNC was in trouble. Every time that Illinois pulled close, Carolina was able to hit a big shot and stem the tide of momentum that Illinois was steadily building. It was the very embodiement of the old adage about using so much energy to come back that you don't have enough energy left to finish off the comeback. Though this may not have been the case if UNC hadn't sccored off of the horribly out of control, bullshit shot that McCants threw up.

To me it took something away from the game to have it decided (not entirely, but somewhat) on such a bad play. I guess the idealist in me would rather see a game of that level of quality and intensity decided by somebody stepping up and making a defining play, not by somebody getting lucky. Illinois did it's job and forced UNC into an awful shot but still ended up giving up the lead due to Marvin Williams being in the right place at the right time. It was a very good thing for Williams that he only had to tip that ball in because he was clearly unable to do anything else productive on the court. All in all, it was a very entertaining game and Illinois showed a ton of heart to come back against UNC but, as we all saw, May was just too much for anybody that Illinois could throw at him. I have a few more random thoughts about the game that are as follows:

-It had a similar feel to the Syracuse-Kansas game of a couple years ago. One team jumps out to a lead and almost blows it down the stretch but, even as the lead was shrinking, you never really thought that UNC was in danger of losing.

-It's been said already but Illinois took way too many threes. I know that is one of the strengths of their game but so is dribble penetration and Illinois was not nearly aggressive enough off the dribble. The few times that Illinois did look to penetrate, they often were only looking for kick outs and not to challenge the defense which, with May killing you inside, would've been a good idea.

-My girlfriend, of all people, remarked that James Augustine must've been "too eager" last night and that is why he was committing dumb fouls and was unable to stay on the floor. I must admit that I was pretty impressed with that observation.

-Dee Brown completely disappeared last night. I can't even remember him doing anything on the offensive end for the last ten minutes or so. Honestly, by the end of the game, Luther Head looked like the only person who wasn't afraid to take a big shot. As a result of this, Head appeared really worn down by the end of the game. So much so, that I would've drawn up a play for Williams or Brown at some point and forced them to make a play, if only to give Head a bit of a break.

-My girlfriend also commented that "there isn't a good looking guy on either damn team". As you can probably imagine, I was much less impressed with this observation than her earlier one.

-If Illinois had pulled out the win, Jack Ingram would have gone down as a mythical type folk hero in the annals of Illinois basketball. It was impressive to see an unheralded reserve accept the challenge like he did and not shrink from it like so many regulars (on both teams) did.

- I was contemplating suicide at one point in the second half, if only because it would've spared me from having to hear Billy Packer yell about how great the screens that Illinois was setting were. I mean, Jesus, we get it...Illinois is setting great screens! Do we really need to hear about it every single time that they come down the floor? I don't think I've hear anybody say the word screen that often in my life, much less in the span of two hours. It's as if he was getting paid every time he could work the word screen into the broadcast. If that IS the case, then I'm all for what went down last night because that means that Billy is now able to retire and we can watch the Final Four in peace. Actually, knowing our luck, CBS will probably go ahead and hire Steve Lavin.

-One last thing: I didn't win the pool that is run by my sister, which is to bad since the prize was $240 ($10 per entry), but I did take top honors in the grounds crew pool here at the stadium which will payout at $85 ($5 per entry) and that's a nice bonus. More than the money I'm just really looking forward to talking smack to the members of our grounds crew from now until September.

St. Augustine is sooo old. I mean look at it, its old.

I have just returned earlier today from the wedding of a friend in St. Augustine which, in case you haven't heard, is America's oldest city. If you didn't know this upon your arrival to St. Augustine, I gather that it would take you approximately 5.2 seconds before you figured this out. Mainly due to the fact that every other sign in the city is in someway related to the founding of St. Augustine. Other than that minor annoyance, I found the city to be quite enjoyable and a much better destination than I would have ever imagined. I had been to St. Augustine once before, on the obligatory Florida public school field trip in fifth grade and had never given the city much thought since then. I must say that I was impressed with the quaintness of the city, more specifically, its downtown area. If I had to describe the setting, I would label it as a poor man's New Orleans, meaning that the architecture and such were similar to New Orleans, but on a much smaller scale. All in all, it was a very enjoyable weekend, which makes being at work today all the more painful.

Even though I was away, I was able to watch Deadwood and come to the realization that Ms. Isringhausen is a filthy slut, which I think is a good career move for her. I sure hope that Swearengen's eye gets better because I'm getting really tired of seeing it all full of blood and cockeyed. I got enough of that sort of thing from the locals in Gainseville over the past seven years. And Trixie has had seven abortions? Wow. I don't even have a joke about that.

One thing I do have plenty of jokes about is Shawn Kemp being arrested with another man last night in a Chevy pickup for possession of "a small amount of cocaine and 60 grams of marijuana". Good to see the Reign Man is back in the Pacific Northwest and spending quality time with his kids. Who thinks that Shawn Kemp would've been alot better off if he had just taken a cue from Kurt Cobain and went down in a blaze of self inflicted shotgun wound glory? I know I do. Then again, I also think that somebody should've assassinated Snoop Dogg after the release of "Doggystyle". I mean seriously, if he had died tragically, Kemp would be the straight from high school equivalent to Drazen Petrovic. If Drazen had squired between 15-27 kids across varied parts of Eastern Europe, of course.

In more drug related news...Can anybody tell me if there is a better, more exciting lead-in phrase than "in drug related news"? I mean, it always gets interesting after those four words, always. Anywho, comedian Mitch Hedberg was found dead at 37 in his New Jersey hotel room on Sunday morning. There has been no confirmation on the cause of death but anybody who has seen Hedberg perform can rest assured that drugs, in one way or another, were prominently involved. I was more taken aback by this news than that of the Pope's passing. Partially because we knew the Pope was going to kick it ,sooner or later, for awhile now and partially because I enjoy comedy alot more than I enjoy religion. For those of you unfamiliar with Hedberg's comedy, here are a couple of my favorite lines of his:

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi...Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss. "

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"I bought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

I'm not exactly sure why I posted some of these, other than the fact that I think this guy was hilarious. Its always sad when a young talent dies, except when that young talent is planning on mailing it in for the next ten plus years. In that case, the young talent should just go ahead and die and save us all the trouble.

I am extremely excited about tonight's game. It has the potential to be one of the most exciting and competitive championship games in recent memory. There hasn't been a really enthralling championship game in quite some time and frankly, it always puts a damper (for me, at least) on the tourney itself when it ends on a whimper. If I had my way, tonight's game would end up with Illinois winning by a score of 86-84 or something close to that and both teams making big play after big play down the stretch. I have no real reason for wanting Illinois to win, other than my affinity for all three of their guards and my feeling that they are the best "team" that I can remember watching in the last five years or so. More than anything, I want a classic game and I want to see Roy Williams cry...maybe I should clarify that last statement, because win or lose, I think we all know that Roy Williams is going to cry tonight. I want Roy Williams to cry tears of pain and to cry as he thinks about another off-season spent answering questions about not being able to win the big one.

One last thing" Tonight is the five year anniversary of Billy Packer calling Teddy Dupay a "thug' after he laid a particularly hard foul on Mateen Cleaves during the 2000 National Championship game. If that foul made Dupay a thug than what the hell is Charles Oakley or Xavier Mcdaniel? The spawn of satan himself would be my guess.

I'm outta heeeere!

I am not even going to attempt to write anything with any level of redeeming value today because...Spring Training is over!! The final Spring home game ended about 35 minutes ago and my first weekend off since the Super Bowl is about to begin in less than an hour. Of course, I have to drive up to St. Augustine this afternoon for a wedding but the thoughts of two consecutive days off will be more than enough to sustain me until I can get some liquor in my system. I'll see you bitches on Monday.

Damn! I wish I hadn't lost Janikowski's phone number.

Last night we had a night game against the Mets, which was pretty fantastic when you consider that 70% of the 8,100 people in the stands were horrible, annoying New York and New Jersey transplants. God, I'm glad that's over. I can't stand those self righteous pricks. I'll gladly deal with the New York/New Jersey attitude when I'm up in their neck of the woods, but once you've moved down to Florida (or anywhere else for that matter), you immediately lose all right to pontificate on the merits of the New York-New Jersey Metro area. Nobody made you move down here, and nobody wants to hear about how great Long Island is...so shut your filthy pasta slurping mouth. In case you haven't noticed, I love all the different fans who venture into our facility on a weekly basis.

The only good thing that came from the evening is that the Mets brought utter crap up to the game and pissed off all the "diehard fans" (their words, not mine) who couldn't name a single prospect or non-starter. Major League Baseball requires that the visiting team during spring training bring at least 4 players off of their 25 man roster. So what did the Mets do? They brought three middle relievers and Miguel Cairo. Willie Randolph...you are truly a great man.

We have another game today against the Atlanta Braves and I've heard that the Braves are bringing a pretty decent roster so I may sneak out of the office and take in an inning or two. Other than that, there is not alot to report about my life or the currently dead sports scene other than the fact that I finally broke down and purchased the NBA League Pass for the remainder of the season this morning. Last night I suddenly realized that there will be no sports that I enjoy regularly watching on TV (baseball sucks on TV, unless its the fall) available after Monday night and after grabbing a towel to dry off all of the cold sweat that had engulfed my body, I figured that I'd go ahead and pay the $49 for the League Pass. I usually buy the League Pass at the beginning of each season but decided against it earlier this year because of a less than stable living situation. Well, that problem has been solved and now I just have to figure out how I'm going to convince my girlfriend on why it's neccessary that I stay up for the Warriors-Clippers game until 1:30 on a tuesday night. I think it may be time for me to break out the old GHB recipe again. Now if I can only find my old college notebooks.

Random Tournament Thoughts: Vol. II

That was the best weekend of basketball (on any level) that I can ever remember watching. Just after Patrick Sparks knocked down his double pump desperation heave, my sister called to commiserate on the weekend’s events. “I had to wake up Toby (her husband) last night to see the end of the Illinois game because he missed the end of Villanova-UNC and I was going to have to file for divorce if he slept through that game too. I just want this thing to go at least one more OT.” Well, you got your wish Penny. Now if we could only get your husband to stop sleeping so much we’d be in good shape. Actually, I’m not thinking that's very likely. He IS Mexican after all.

- The thing that impressed me the most during Illinois’ comeback was the play of Luther Head. He would not let the Illini lose. We hear announcers talk about guys willing their team to victory alot but it is often just overused hyperbole. Everybody else on Illinois began to hang their head around the four minute mark and seemed to be losing hope. Head, on the other hand, never stopped working on defense and came up with a couple of crucial steals that really got the momentum turning. Head also showed some serious onions (say it like Raftery) by having the courage to take a couple of threes that could’ve ended Ilinois’ run before it even began if he had missed. Which he didn’t, by the way.

- I’m not saying that Sean May isn’t a spectacular college big man, he certainly is. I am not, however, completely sold on his pro potential. It’s a crapshoot when it comes to wide bodied, undersized college big guys. You could get Elton Brand or you could get Marcus Fizer. I must say that a large part of my trepidation is a result of my torrid love affair with the pro prospects of Byron Houston during my early teen years. I think we all know how that turned out.

- If Bill Raftery sold an afternoon with him on Ebay, similar to what Jose Canseco once did, I would probably take out a loan in order to win the auction. That guy just cracks me up.

- Bruce Weber commented that the one player that he could least afford to lose from this Illinois team is Deron Williams. This makes a lot of sense since Williams is the guy who sets everybody else up. Well, Bruce you’d better enjoy him for the next two games because Williams is a lock to enter the NBA Draft after this year. His stock will never be higher than it is right now. He ‘s got a real shot at ending up in the Lottery. All of this got me thinking about Dee Drown and what he’ll do regarding the NBA Draft this summer. As I can tell, there are two distinct schools of thought regarding this decision with the first being (1) Stay for his Senior Season: Brown would undoubtedly be the star and could get a full year of playing the point, thereby alleviating some of the concerns about his ability to handle the responsibilities of running the point in the NBA. If he is able to do that while also helping next year’s Illinois team gain an NCAA tournament berth, then he could end up as a top 15 selection in the Draft. Especially, when you consider how much deeper this year’s point guard class is in comparison to next year. Of course there is another school of thought which says that Brown should (2) Declare for the NBA Draft: Brown will never be as front and center in the minds of NBA scouts as he is right now. Brown has also played very well in this tournament while displaying a full complement of his skills. If Brown were to return to next year’s Illinois team, he would be the focus of every defense in the Big Ten and is likely to see a lot of double teams when you consider the lack of quality young depth on Illinois. A year of lower shooting percentages and higher turnover numbers could drop Brown out of the draft completely. If Brown were to declare, he could attempt to prove his ability to man the point by playing at the pre-draft camp in Chicago over a span of four days instead of over six months where NBA scouts and GMS have a lot more time to pick apart your game. If Brown were able to play well during the aforementioned four days in Chicago he could possibly land a first round guarantee from a team that fell in love with his speed and long range shooting ability. It only takes one team to fall in love with your game in Chicago to get you drafted in the first round. Don’t believe me? Go ask Steven Hunter…and while you're there, punch him in the face for me. Honestly, I can see the sides to both arguments and can’t really fault Brown for whatever decision he makes. Personally, I think that Brown sees what is returning for Illinois (not much) and decides to declare along with his good friend Williams.

- Larry O’ Bannon doesn’t get nearly enough credit for the kind of player he is.


Caution: Pittsnogle Alert

- If I had to draw or describe (because I’m not a very talented artist) what I think the average West Virginia male looks like, it would end up looking exactly like Kevin Pittsnogle.

-I can’t wait to see Kevin Pittsnogle on Dream Job 2021, hosted by Stuart A. SmithScott.

-Kevin Pittsnogle looks like he walked into a tattoo parlor and said something like, “ I have $800 to spend on tattoos but I can’t spend more than $75 on any single one, what can you do for me?”

Entering a Pittsnogle Free Zone


-He hit his free throws yesterday, but there’s something about Raymond Felton’s body language and general demeanor in late game situations that doesn’t exactly inspire confidence.

-If I could go back in time and watch the high school games of college players, the Proviso East games including Shannon and Dee Brown would at the very top of my list.

-Lemonade Gatorade is excellent. I have steadfastly boycotted every single new Gatorade flavor since the introduction of Citrus Cooler. Mostly because I’m a really irrational guy who likes to protest stupid things. With that said, I had to give the Lemonade at least one try. I did and all I can say is…wherever this Gatorade stuff was invented must be a bastion of academic integrity and America’s foremost cradle for bright young minds.

- It is totally inexcuseable for both Lute Olson and Tubby Smith to have designed such unimaginative plays in their respective game ending situations. Times like those are the exact moment when coaches earn their salaries. Substitution patterns are neat and we all get a kick out of Tubby’s crazy eyes routine, but both of these guys dropped the ball in a major way. I’m not saying that they are better coaches but I’d bet that Bob Huggins and Larry Eustachy, if Hoosiers has taught us anything, could’ve gotten their guys a wide open look in the same situation. The sauce is very underrated for these types of things. Who do you think has a better, more original late game play? Lute Olson who goes to bed every night after Wheel of Fortune or Bob Huggins who is doing shots of Jack and scribbling plays onto a cocktail napkin at 1 am in an off-campus dive?

- During the Illinois comeback CBS was showing Bill Murray going crazy and generally embarrassing everybody around him, which was fun. After CBS showed Murray for the fifth time in ten seconds, I noticed that I recognized the man standing behind him. It was none other than former Florida and current Illinois Head Football Coach Ron Zook. As the comeback continued I couldn’t help wondering if, despite his newfound loyalty to Illinois, Zook felt bad for Lute Olson and the Arizona players. Because if anybody knows about blowing huge leads in big games, it is Ron Zook.

- Billy Packer mentioned on Friday night that Paul Davis had 19 blocks on the season. That’s right…19! It is an absolute joke for a fairly athletic seven foot starter in college basketball to have only 19 blocks over the course of a season. Greg Hildebrand could get over 20 blocks in a full college season. Davis has played pretty well in this tournament so far but that stat is embarrassing.

- I am in the running for two separate pools (my sister’s and the grounds crew at our stadium) because I picked UNC, Illinois, and Louisville to make the Final Four . I also picked Michigan State to make the regional final in the grounds crew pool so I'm betting that I'm in real good shape there. In fact, I’m going down to the grounds crew building right now to check on my status because as my grandfather used to say, “never, ever trust a man that cuts grass for a living.” My grandfather also made J. Edgar Hoover look like Rob Deer.

Well...this blows...bad.

I just spent about an hour typing up a post based on this past weekend's events (mostly basketball related) and then blogger crapped out on me when it came time to publish the post. It's probably lost for good at this point. Oh well. I guess you'll all just have to imagine what I would've written about. Come to think of it, that's probably a good thing since you kids don't use your imagination nearly enough these days.

This post is SOOO hot!!

Maybe I'm just a little too overjoyed about this whole Pat O' Brien thing (actually I know that I am), but I swear that I heard Jim Nantz making a passing reference to it last night during the MSU-Duke game. Early in the second half, as CBS was going to commerical, Nantz says something to the effect of Duke has come ready to play tonight but...(here it is) Michigan State wants Duke to know that "they're soooo into this tonight" as the music plays. If you listened closely enough you could hear Billy Packer snicker in the way you would if somebody cracked a gay joke about the closet case in your office. I swear that I'm not making any of this up and that I was doubled over laughing at the thought of Billy Packer and Jim Nantz discussing what a weirdo they always knew Pat was. Can't you just hear Packer saying something like, "I should've known something when he told me I would look sexy with a mustache too." No? It's just me. Screw you then!

I like Louisville to win by about ten tonight over the Inbreeders...oh I mean the Mountaineers. Its been a nice run for them but Louisville is just playing too well right now and should have no problem getting out on all the perimeter shooters for West Virginia since the Cards see that style of play (abundance of shooters, not the Pricneton offense part) in practice on a daily basis. I also don't think that West Virginia has anybody who can cover Frank Garcia...and yes, I know I just called him Frank. It's easier and I'm lazy, get over it.

Illinois vs. Zona should be very interesting to watch. I think that Salim Stoudamire will give Illinois alot of trouble tonight. Luther Head is clearly not close to 100% (did you see him get blocked from behind on a fast break on Thursday night?) and without him to defend, Stoudamire could get a ton of open looks on the perimeter. I don't think that Dee Brown or Deron Williams match up with Stoudamire very well on the defensive end. With that said, I still am picking Illinois to win tonight because they just seem like the best overall team that I've seen in this tournament...and I want to win the pool that I'm in and that won't happen with Arizona in the Final Four.

Sorry that this isn't much of a post but I'm working on a Saturday so you'll probably have to deal with your dissapointment on your own time. Mine is way too valuable to waste on anything other than appeasing annoying fans and pulling tarp in driving rainstorms.

My Grandchildren are beautiful by the way!!

I bought the greatest thing that I've had the pleasure of purchasing in quite some time yesterday afternoon and it absolutely made my day. This is an item that I'd been searching for since I bought my new car in late August of last year. Since I live in Florida, I didn't think it would take me much time to get my hands on this item, but it proved a much more scarce commodity than I had ever anticipated. Quite frankly, I'd given up hope for finding this item and was about to stat searching the internet. Then yesterday afternoon as I was purchasing a Cobb salad at Wal-Mart (not as bad as you'd think, really...and yes I only started eating Cobb salad's because of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode involving them) when I decided to make one last ditch effort in hopes of finding my lost treasure. So I walk over to the rack, spin it around and...there it is! More beautiful than I had imagined and the last one to boot.

I quickly pick it up and take it to the counter where a slightly confused clerk looks at it, looks at me and then just goes ahead and checks me out while looking slightly bemused. No matter, I have what I came for and I couldn't be happier. What is this object of my affection you ask? A license plate. A license plate for the front of my car. A license plate that reads: "Ask me about my Grandchildren".

Not much more time to write anything today as I ended up pulling tarp on three separate occasions this afternoon and am now to tired to attempt to write anything remotely intelligent and/or funny, not that my normal attempts at such things are very successful to begin with.

Zona-OSU was a great game to watch. I only hope that we can get a couple of more games like that before the tournament's over...fast paced, well played and right down to the wire. Oh yeah, and I was wrong. I know.

As for tonight's games:

-I am thinking UNC over Nova, though I would really like to have seen Nova with a healthy Curtis Sumpter. Unless Jason Fraser packed his oujia board and is once again able to summon the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain, I think that the May-Williams combo will just be too much for the smaller, quicker Nova team to handle. Nova could try and speed up the game, but that plays right into Carolina's hands since they are a much better team when they don't have to play in the half court.

-Wisconsin vs. NC State: Bo Ryan's team will put me to sleep but 'll wake up on my couch just in time (causing me to look alot like Herb Sendek does everyday of the year) to see the Badgers beat NC State as "Orange Julius" Hodge shoots under 35% for the game.

-Duke vs. Michigan State: I know that I said that I don't think that Michigan State is very good ( I still don't) but I feel like they'll get Shelden Williams in foul trouble and throw enough defenders at JJ Reddick to make his life miserable, thereby causing him to force up bad shots in a Duke loss. One caveat here: Duke can win if Daniel Ewing goes to the basket consistently and stops settling for his streaky/shaky long range jumper.

- Kentucky vs. Utah: I have no clue here. Kentucky is overrated and so is Andrew Bogut but I think that Andrew Bogut love parade has one more stop on it and the Utes finally win a NCAA tournament game while Rick Majerus downs 4 meatball subs and three baked potatoes...before halftime.

I don't give a SHIT about the University of North Carolina right now!!

I have been in a trance all day thanks to Pat O'Brien. I heard the voicemail messges yesterday and that alone was enough for me to join the Pat O'Brien fan club. Then today I come in to work and read a NY Daily News article that detailed many of his other exploits while working on "Access Hollywood". If you haven't read up on Patty, take some time to google his name and I promise that you'll never look back on old NCAA Tourney games running on ESPN Classic the same.

In case you haven't heard the Magic have completely imploded as team and are now out of the playoffs (if they started today). This all began with the Cat Mobley trade and continued when Dog (oh, I mean Doug) Christie went on the IR with sand in his vagina. The final straw occurred two nights ago when the Magic not only blew a fourth quarter lead against the lowly Charlotte BETcats but also lost Hedo Turkoglu for the season with a broken wrist. Sure, Steve Francis will come back in a couple of games but he hasn't been the same since they traded his boyfriend and Johnny Davis switched him to the off-guard position. Which, apparently, Steve thought meant he had to be off his game.

At this point the Magic might as well feed Dwight Howard the ball 30-40 times a game and let him continue to develop as a go-to-guy on offense because they are NOT going to get back in the playoffs and will most surely look to trade Francis this offseason. I was with Magic GM John Weisbrod on many of his moves this summer (even the Drew Gooden trade because he needed a new atmosphere, though they SHOULD NOT have included Anderson Varejao but that is besides the point ) but the Mobley trade has been devastating to this team in two major ways:

(1) Chemistry: He should've known that Francis was going to pout for a solid month once Mobley was traded. Do you think that Siegfried would've been able to carry on with the show as if nothing happened if the StarDust brought in, say, Wayne Newton to team up with him. You think I'm joking here...I'm not. Francis and Mobley had a weird man-love thing going on that I will not even attempt to fully comprehend Yet, this is not nearly as big an issue as the second reason which is (2) Offense: Alot was made about the Magic needing more defense, which was true, but this was often in the same breath as people proclaiming that they were just fine offensively. This could not have been further from the truth. The Magic were an average (at best) offensive team that fooled people by quickening the pace. Essentially, the Magic had four good offensive players who were all fairly inconsistent in Steve Francis, Grant Hill, Cat Mobley, and Hedo Turkoglu. Each of these guys are capable of carrying a team for stretches but they are also all very capable of going 2-14 on any given night as well. The Magic needed contributions from all these guys to be a dangerous offensive team especially when you consider what little offensive contribution the Magic's frontline have given them. As young as he is, Dwight Howard has been the most consistent offensive presence on that frontline all year long which is not a postive sign for anybody, other than Dwight.

Essentially, the Magic were a decent perimeter oriented offensive team who needed all the points that they could get because of some glaring defensive weaknesses. Wesibrod reasoned that by subtracting one offensive player for a defensive player, he could make the Magic better on defense without losing much on offense. Well, he was wrong. Very wrong.

Here's why: Mobley was one of two real three point threats (along with Turkoglu) that the Magic had. The threat of him shooting kept defenses honest, thereby allowing Francis and Hill the kind of space they needed to get into the lane. When this threat dissapeared, so did the driving lanes and with it the ability to improvise that are so vital to both Hill and Francis's game (especially Francis). In Christie, the Magic got not only an over-the-hill defender but also a half-man/half-bitch who couldn't move on like a professional should after being traded. He can talk about his bone spurs in his ankle all he wants but everybody knows that he just quit on the Magic. Even when he was playing, Christie was showing his age on defense while also displaying that his lack of offensive skill had been covered up by the very skilled passers and cutters who he'd been playing with in Sacramento.

When it all shook out, the Magic ended up trading their most dangerous perimeter threat for a defensive stopper with eroding skills and a bad attitude while also asking a great bench guy like Turkoglu to change his role mid-season and become a primary offensive weapon, which he has never, ever done before.

Yep, that's a pretty good way to sabotage a season. Success (even marginal) was fun while it lasted.

As for tonight's NCAA tournament games:


Louisville-Washington should be unbelievably exciting. Of course, Georgia Tech-Louisville was suppossed to be great as well, and we all know how that turned out. This game has the potential to be very euro-centric, what with all the great shooters and ballhandlers on the floor coupled with the fact that neither team has a true post presence. Don't get me wrong, the post guys on both teams have alot of skill but none of them are traditional in the back-to-the-basket sense. If any game can be as overall exciting as Wake-WVU, this is the one. I have the Cards going to the Final Four so I'll stick with them here but they'd better get 20 each from 2 of the big 3 (Garcia, Dean, and O'Bannon).

The other game that really excites me is the OSU-Arizona matchup because it will feature a nice contrast in styles. OSU is best when they are playing tough man-to-man halfcourt defense while Arizona will gladly match points with you all day. If Channing Frye's balls finally drop tonight then the Cats could put a hurting inside on a very undersized Cowboy frontline but I still think that OSU will win in a close one. My reson for this is twofold: (1) OSU's defense, which has been discussed (however briefly) and (2) John Lucas Jr., who has really won me over this past year. I never thought he was that good and I still think he has very little NBA future, but he has proven to be a very good college point guard who is as clutch a player as you will find in the college game today. He is sooo much better late in the game and I think he's the difference tonight.

One last thing about this game: JamesON Curry is extremely good (waaay better than I had imagined last year) and I think he'll be a first round draft pick (at PG) within a few years. The rest of the country should send a thank you note to the Eastern Alamance County Sheriff's Dept. for busting him last year. If he hadn't been busted for doing his best Sir Smoke Alot impression last February he would be playing in Chapel Hill and you could pretty much have put a bow on the ACC in January. Roy Williams also wouldn't have to curse at Bonnie Bernstein again in a couple of weeks either.

I'm an idiot...

You knew that already but it was definitively confirmed when I didn't change the title to the last post. Here's my solution: Use your imagination to think up a new title for me. It will be like you're my editor, except neither of us get paid and I won't listen to any of your suggestions. Other than that, it will be exaclty like you being my editor

I think we might be missing a REALLY drunk guy

I don't have a single thing to add to the online world today, other than my rugged good looks. Then again, you can't actually see me through this computer screen so you'll just have to imagine how cool I look when I type (hint: not very).

The reason for this is that I am busy preparing for my office fantasy baseball draft, which commences in a little less than an hour. I didn't participate in the office league last year since I figured I'd get enough of baseball with the 80-plus games that I see in person each year. Of course, I'll still see over 80 games this year but I decided to throw my hat into the ring anyway. Basically, I'm playing fantasy baseball so I can make fun of everybody's picks tonight and also to have yet another reason to avoid doing the things that this company pays me (poorly) for. It should be interesting tonight as there are thirteen teams involved this year and we even have a guy from Kentucky participating in our draft via speakerphone. I can't emphasize enough that I'm really only in this for the material that tonight will provide me. Maybe, if I'm not too lazy and anyone who knows me knows how unlikely this now becomes, I'll jot down some of the especially ridiculous picks from tonight's action.

I was just about to title this blog in reference to the lack of a ridiculously drunk guy in this year's draft but one of our interns just walked in (he had the day off) with a six pack in hand and a pretty healthy buzz on him already. I'm actually giddy as a result of this latest development. Now all we need is somebody who spends half the time on the phone with his girlfriend and I'm pretty sure we have that one taken care of already.

Oh yeah, thanks for making Barry Bonds jump off a bridge...I hope you're all very proud of yourselves!

Are you too good for your home? Answer me!

As you may have noticed, I've done some spring renovations to the site which is a sure sign that I'm avoiding the work on my desk at all costs, but would you really expect anything less from me? I certainly hope not.

I don't really have alot to add today so I figured that I'd share a pretty ridiculous anecdote about one of my co-workers from last week. I have a shaky stomach that doesn't always react well to the foods I eat and often leads to me spending an inordinate amount of my afternoon perched on the throne. Well, last Friday was one of these days as the quesadillas that I ate at lunch decided to make my afternoon a veritable water closet relay race. I must have hit the bathroom five times in a three hour span. This was especially annoying because I was trying to waste company time by watching basketball, not by dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool.

Soon after qutting time, I ventured over the the weight room to get in a quick workout before heading home for more basketball viewing. When I arrived in the weight room, I shared the story of my trying times with Calvin and Joe who were already working out. After I almost made Joe pee his pants with the especially graphic details of my struggle, the converstaion turned to unfortunate stomach ailments and the various techniques we use to quell these disturbances. At this point, everything is moving along as well as can be expected (we were talking about poop, so draw your own conclusions) when Calvin pipes up with this gem. Mind you, I'm paraphrasing here but this is a pretty reasonable facsimilie of what he said.

Calvin: "You know when I am having trouble and I think that there is still some more left in there but I can't get it out, do you know what I do?"

Me & Joe: "No. What?"

Calvin: "I just punch myself in the stomach a couple of times to get it moving"

At this point I pretty much just dropped the weights that I was lifting and began to laugh hysterically at the idea of Calvin punching himself in the stomach while sitting on the can. Then Joe piped up and said, "Do you say anything when you're punching yourself? You know, like Nobody likes you so get outta here or I hate you just leave already." You have to understand that Calvin is among the more unbalanced people that I know and the thought of him uttering such things is far more plausible than it is farfetched. Needless to say, I immediately went to the bathroom and punched myself in the stomach four or five times.

Actually, I just laughed for another five minutes and went home.

Nice of you to earn your 'ship there Fraser.

Well, Florida's season is over so I can talk about the team without fear of endangering their future prospects because, well there aren't any future prospects, not for this exact team at least.

I liked this Florida team much more than any of the past three seasons, they played with heart and desire that far surpassed anything we'd seen on the court from a Billy Donovan coached team in quite a while. David Lee was the major reason for this transformation. He began, in this his senior season, to finally play with the passion and intensity that Florida fans had always wanted from him. As a result, this team followed his leadership and was able to accomplish some things that nobody would've thought possible after Lee put up 4 points and 2 rebounds in an early January loss to FSU. I truly believe that Florida was a better team than Villanova, it just so happens that Villanova severely outplayed Florida yesterday. Lee did his best to keep the team in the game and had he gotten some offensive help, then the Gators may have had a shot, even with Jason Fraser doing his best Wilt Chamberlain impression.

What ended up killing the Gators is that their leading scorer, Anthony Roberson, went ice cold during the final 5 games of the season. He simply couldn't hit anything, inside or out and his confidence clearly waned in the first round matchup versus Ohio. You can get away with not having one of your "Big Three" playing up to par but you certainly can't get by with two of those three struggling and that's what happenned yesterday as Matt Walsh struggled to get his shot against the more athletic and aggressive Wildcat defenders. This was no surprise to anybody who has watched Florida on a regular basis. Walsh just doesn't possess enough quickness to create his shot against high-level defenders, even his big games in the SEC Tourney were more a product of him being freed by set plays and great screening. Was Villanova a better team than Florida? No. Did Villanova deserve to win yesterday? Absolutely. Make no mistake about it though, this was not the same type of Florida that crumbled in the tournament because they were too soft and lazy. No, this Florida team had enough heart to win this game and maybe even one more, it simply lacked the offensive firepower to stay with a very good Villanova team. Then again, when the conference's leading scorer gets 5 points in a second round matchup there are not many teams who would be able to overcome that and still walk away with a victory.

Most Florida fans' minds have already turned to spring football and the debut of Urban Meyer and his vaunted offense. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been reading practice reports for the past three days and I wasn't planning on being in Gainesville on April 9th to watch the annual Orange and Blue Spring Scrimmage (I have been and I am) but there are a few things that I want to address before we close the door on this year's Florida Basketball team.

- Congrats on the SEC tourney title, you made Gators everywhere proud.

-David Lee will end up being drafted in the mid-to-late first round, due to a combination of a fantastic finish to his senior year and his predictably sensational pre-draft workouts. Pretty impressive when you consider he wasn't even likely to be drafted at all in the middle of the year.

- Anthony Roberson: You had a very nice year but you are kidding yourself if you think you're ready for the NBA. Stick around one more year and improve your overall ballhandling ability and come back ready to average 24 ppg in the SEC, then you'll have a much better shot at making it in the NBA. Look at what coming back for one more year did for David Lee.

-Matt Walsh: Take a page out of JJ Reddick's book and come back next year in the best shape of your life...you need every physical advantage you can get.

-Corey Brewer: He has the potential to be a superstar if he can continue to progress offensively. Based on his athleticism and overall work ethic, the sky is the limit. As is his unintentional comedy potential, as my friend Vitas said on Friday he's "already the hands down team leader in unintentional comdedy." I agree...keep up the good work.

-Al Horford: Already a serviceable SEC Center with the potential to be a double double machine as he becomes more comfortable and proficient offensively. The thought of him and Chris Richard (has the light come on?) beating people down on the block next year actually makes me giddy with excitement over the possibilities.


I knew this Gator team wasn't going to win it all, but with the Kansas and UConn going down, I began to think that maybe the Gators had a magical Final Four run in them. Alas, it was not to be and we'll have to sit through another year of hearing how Florida can not win in the tournament. It's a load of crap but unless you can shutup the critics then you just have to grin and bear it. Hopefully all the upperclassmen come back with a big chip on their shoulder and and even better year than the one which just passed.

Tournament thoughts...

Random thoughts from the weekend that was...

- Bill Simmons is a lazy bastard. I wish I could only do half (or less) of my assigned work because I found it boring. It's work, its supposed to suck.

- Mike Gansey may have singlehandedly willed West Virginia to victory over Wake Forest, but does he have his welding certificate? I didn't think so. No wonder he had to leave St. Bonaventure.

-What exactly caused Rudy Gay to fall down on that last play against NC State? Did he slip on a banana peel?

-Did anybody catch the pregame man hug between Villanova Coach Jay Wright and Billy Donovan's dad? Holy awkward Batman. It exceeded the standard length of a heterosexual man hug (as set forth in the Geneva convention) by a good 20 seconds. I had to manufacture a burp just to feel like I wasn't watching Lifetime or something.

- I wish I could've bet my car on "the freshman point guard from Bucknell will miss the front end of this one-and-one with 4.3 seconds left". He was lucky he didn't pee his pants on the walk up to the line.

- The Mascot Death Match method was looking pretty sweet on Friday night with Vermont and Bucknell winning. Yet, as of today I am down to one remaining Final Four team in that particular bracket. Oh well.

-Wisconsin-Milwaukee: The Feud is over.

- During Saturday's victory, Luther Head became the all-time single season leader at Illinois for three pointers made with 97. That's quite an accomplishment when you consider that Head was nothing more than a dunker and slasher when he arrived at Ilinois. Very impressive to see someone identify their weaknesses and round out their game accordingly.


- I kind of missed on that Pacific-Washington upset, which means...that I'm just as smart as Seth Davis. Hey Sports Illustrated: Can I have a job now?

- If Francisco Garcia doesn't go in the top 15 of the NBA Draft, then I may have to stage a West African style coup on the front offices of numerous NBA teams.

-Winsome Frazier of Mississippi State is one sketchy looking dude. Seriously, look at his picture, on hair alone this guy could get convicted of numerous crimes by just about any jury below the Mason-Dixon line.

-Salukis are originally from Egypt? Really?

-I find it hard to believe that New Mexico couldn't find a scholarship for Ronald Ross. How is that possible? I can't name one guy, other than Danny Granger, on the entire New Mexico team but we're suppossed to believe that Ross wasn't worth a scholarship offer coming out of high school? There's got to be more to this story and I, for one, would love to hear it. Of course, considering the current state of sports journalism we'll probably end up with a story about Jarrious Jackson and his unlikely friendship with the former Notre Dame QB of the same name.

- Everything about the idea of watching Wisconsin play basketball bores me to tears. Come to think of it, everything about the idea of watching Wisconsin play football bores me to tears as well. Thats it...I'm boycotting the entire Wisconsin Athletic Department...and for no good reason.

-Curtis Stinson needs to take a cue from Clark Kellog and just start shaving his head. Even with the headband, you aren't fooling anybody Curtis.

- Does Tom Izzo have some sort of deal with the devil that allows Michigan State to advance to the Sweet Sixteen every year? I'm completely serious about this. Michigan State hasn't been a team I would describe as "good" in about four years but every year the manage to make it through the first weekend. I need answers over here.

- I've changed my mind on Will Bynum. If he can just pass every now and then, he has a real shot at being an off the bench combo guard in the NBA. Shit, Troy Hudson and Eddie House are collecting regular paychecks doing the same thing and I think that Bynum is just a bit more talented than those two gunners.

- When does Mark Few stop getting a free pass for all his tourney flameouts? Now seems like a good time. Do you realize that Gonzaga hasn't made it past the second round since 2001, even with the sweetheart seedings that the Tournament committee keeps handing them? If Few was coaching the the SEC or Big East, that would be all the media could talk about.

-I know that its become cliche' to talk about how (insert undersized power forward here) would be a great NFL tight end, but I really, really think that Jason Maxiell would be unbelieavable as a tight end...for whatever thats worth.

I'm sure I'll think of more random thoughts from the weekend but I also have to maintain the appearance of work today, for at least a couple of hours, so I'll check back in later.

When describing Two-time Missouri Valley Conference Player of the year and Defensive Player of the year, Jim Spanarkel just uttered the words, "What a package, what a package!". I have no joke here.

I don't believe you.

Just for the record, I don't think that Coack K actually signs his American Express Card "Coach K" like we are led to believe in the commercials. That would be illegal, or something.

By the way, I had LSU upsetting Arizona in the second round...umm, yeah that worked out well.