I need a hero...

Remember that song? Of course you do. Well, the 1985 Cardinals kind of adopted it as their theme song. Honestly, I'm not sure if the team adopted it as much as the fans adopted it. Since I was 8 during the 1985 season, I'm going to guess it was the St. Louis fans if only because I have some trouble picturing Jack Clark, Vince Coleman and John Tudor belting out the lyrics to this in the locker room. Nevertheless, I've been thinking about this song with all the unlikely heroes that have stepped up for the Cardinals this fall. Guys like Scott Spiezio, Josh Kinney, and So Taguchi to name a few. However, no Cardinal player this fall has been as unlikely a hero as one Jeff Weaver. Weaver's performance during these playoffs (and especially this NLCS) is nothing if not improbable. In fact, I'm not the least bit ashamed to say that I've become a Jeff Weaver fan. Okay, I'm a little ashamed. Sure, he's a douchebag stoner, but now he's a douchebag stoner who's going to receive far more on the free agent market this winter than he deserves. Well, at least more than his record prior to this year's playoffs indicates that he deserves.

Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if the Cardinals tried to bring him back next year. We all know that Dave Duncan loves reclamation projects (Have you seen his wife? Good god.) and, honestly, there's not a gaggle of quality starting pitchers out on the market right now. (I know, I know. I just used the word "quality" in reference to Jeff Weaver and I wasn't talking about his stash. I can't really believe it either). With that said, the Cards would be royally screwed without his contributions thus far in the playoffs and that's not something that I ever thought I'd write.

Obviously, tonight's game is beyond huge for both teams. The Mets are in a must-win situation and the Cards have their "ace" going in a Game 6 on the road. To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty nervous about Carpenter tonight. He seems to have some trouble managing his emotions early in big games and therefore pitches erratic in the opening inning or two. I'm not sure if the Cards can afford something like that tonight. Shea's gonna be jacked and I fear this game could get away (in a big way) from St. Louis if the Mets get out to an early lead.

Disclaimer: I know this post is disjointed but I never intended on writing much more than "Big game tonight. St. Louis can clinch...Go Cards." However, the spirit (or spirits, you decide) took over and I felt compelled to write a little more than your basic "Game tonight" post. Whatever. I just wasted an extra five minutes of your afternoon, so stop bitching

The kind of Saturday that's resulted in a divorce or two...

I’m going to keep it rather short today (I swear) with a couple of random comments on last night’s NLCS Game 1 and then some more thoughts on tomorrow’s Florida-Auburn matchup that will (apparently) be available on all 17 ESPN networks.

NLCS Game 1

Despite the loss, I wasn’t too distraught with last night’s results. The Cardinals played pretty well and actually could’ve scored some early runs if it weren’t for a handful of hard hit balls being hit directly at the Mets defense. At least two of those drives ended innings that had serious run scoring potential, so it’s tough for me to get too bent out of shape about the Cardinals overall play. (I don’t want to talk about Pujols getting doubled off by Beltran, ever).

Sure, I screamed “FUCK!!!” the moment that Beltran’s bat made contact with Weaver’s offering in the sixth but, even with that, I came away somewhat encouraged by the overall performance of St. Louis. I’m sure that plenty of people want to blame somebody for Beltran’s homer (Weaver, LaRussa, Tim Robbins) but it was more a case of a great player (Beltran) jumping on Weaver’s mistake and making the most of it than anything in particular that was done so egregiously wrong. I’ve said, numerous times, that if you get 5 good innings from Weaver in a start then you should thank your lucky stars and go to the bullpen, immediately. However, I was all for Weaver going out to start the sixth after the way he had pitched through the first 5 innings. I mean, it’s not like the Cardinals’ bullpen is exactly a murderer’s row of late inning efficiency these days. With that said, I would’ve pulled Weaver as soon as LoDuca singled to start the sixth. They gave Weaver a shot to keep it going and he didn’t get it done. At that point, I’d have gotten Tyler Thompson in to face Beltran. Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and it’s still tough to hammer LaRussa too much for his decision to leave Weaver in. St. Louis didn’t lose the game right then and there. The Cards would've loved to get both games at Shea but I doubt they'd tell you they really expected that to happen. Now, if Carpenter can’t keep the Cards close late into the game tonight, well, then they might be in trouble. Big trouble. Carpenter is their ace and tonight’s his night to carry the banner for his team.

A couple of more thoughts:

- What’s Beltran make, like $18 million a year? With that kind of money you would think that he could afford to have that monstrous mole of his removed. If I remember correctly, Uncle Buck said it only cost a quarter to have a rat gnaw that type of thing off your face. Of course, that was the 80’s so it might be closer to $5 by now.

- Tom Glavine’s at-bat music is Lil’ John? Really? How did this happen? You could’ve given me 200 guesses on the artist whom Glavine uses for his at-bat music and I never would’ve even gotten close to Lil’ John (Lil’ Scrappy, maybe). I guess all those years in Atlanta had more of an affect on Tom then we thought, huh?


Auburn-Florida

When I first looked at Florida’s 2006 schedule earlier this year, I put my head through a plate glass window. When I managed to clean myself up and remove all the loose glass from my scalp I took another look and noticed the insane stretch of games during the month of October. It was at this point that I poured peroxide over my fresh wounds in an attempt to quell the pains of anxiety that were pounding in my skull, to no avail. Eventually, I settled down enough to start deciphering the schedule with a little more precision. Through all of this, it became clear to me that the game which presented the greatest challenge to the Gators this year (and there were many) was the matchup at Auburn. There were three primary reasons for this:

Homefield Advantage: Coming into the season, this game was, in my opinion, the Gators toughest test on the road. Think about that for a second…that’s pretty impressive when you consider that Florida faces it’s two biggest rivals (FSU, Tennessee) on the road this year, and that was before we found out the game would be a night game. Not only would this game be a road game in one of the nations toughest (and most underrated) places to play, but it would also be against the team which most pundits had anointed as the SEC’s most talented. Finally, as if playing in Jordan-Hare, at night, against a team that had an SEC win streak of 19 games coming into the season weren’t enough, there’s this: Auburn has six all-time wins at home against Top 5 opponents. Three of those six wins have come against the University of Florida.

Defense: There’s plenty of defense in the SEC, this we know. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to name a conference in the country that can even compete with the SEC when it comes to standout defenses or defensive players. The main attribute that most people point to when attempting to explain the difference between SEC defenses and the rest of the country is speed. Defenses in the SEC are scary fast. Urban Meyer learned this firsthand last year during the first half of the SEC season. This is where Auburn comes in. Even in the SEC, Auburn’s defense is supremely fast. Former Defensive Coordinator Gene Chizik preferred smaller, faster defensive players and recruited justly (Don't believe me, Auburn's top four linebackers average 215 lbs.)

Though he’s left for Texas, Chizik left Auburn with a bevy of extremely fast, if a little undersized, defensive players. That’s precisely why the Auburn defense scares me so much. They don't overpower their opponents as much as run right past them. Florida’s offensive line has stood up to some stern tests so far this year. However, they haven’t faced a defense with the overall speed of Auburn, and they certainly haven’t done so in front of 90,000 screaming fans. Make no mistake, tomorrow night’s game will be the ultimate test for not only this Gator offensive line, but for this entire offense.

Kenny Irons: The bane of every South Carolina fans existence himself. I have a friend who attended USC who swears he’ll punch Lou Holtz in the face if he ever gets the chance, all because of Kenny Irons. You know what? I don’t blame him. In fact, I’d have already found a way to make it happen if I was him. Simply put, Kenny Irons is a beast. He’s the total package as far as running backs go. He possesses breakaway speed, great vision, superior cutback ability and a force of will that allows him to constantly break tackles and generate extra yardage after contact. He scares the bejesus out of me. Florida boasts the nation’s #2 rush defense but they have yet to face a truly elite back this season. The closest that they’ve seen is Alabama’s Kenneth Darby, and he hasn’t been the nearly the back that he was in 2005 yet this year. If Florida can’t contain Irons and force Auburn into 3rd and medium or long, then the entire game changes for Florida. This Gator defense is a different breed from those that’s we’ve seen in years past. They are tougher, deeper, fast, and more physical. However, they haven’t erased the memories of so many “soft” Gator defenses of the past just yet. At least not in the eyes of many pundits on the national scene. Saturday night is their chance to do just that. If they contain Irons and escape the plains with a win, then the whole country will have no chance but to believe, no, know that this is a different Gator squad, a tough Gator squad and a Gator squad that can no longer be overlooked.

The Cardinals also happen to be playing in Game 3 of the NLCS at the same time as the Gators game at Auburn. I'm not really sure how I'm going to handle the combined stress of these two games at once, though I'm pretty sure that alcohol will be involved. Prominently involved.

Reggie Nelson, and a some booze should make Saturday a little easier on my nerves.

Let's try this again.

Hopefully the Cardinals and Mets can get their NLCS matchup started tonight before MLB has to step in and change around the rest of the schedule for the series. We don't want that, well...because, MLB and Bud Selig could fuck up a wet dream. That's why.

Go Cards!

Tommy Herr was unavailable...

I'm a little too tired (read: hungover) today after celebrating my birthday last night to spend much time posting my various thoughts from the recent three day weekend (Yes, I had Columbus Day off, suckers). However, I didn't want the afternoon to get away without mentioning tonight's NLCS Game 1 between former NL East rivals St. Louis and New York.

There was once a time when I hated the Mets with intensity and passion. The kind of complete and irrational hatred that only 8-12 year old boys who religiously follow baseball can muster. Those days have long since passed due to a combination of divisional realignment, time and acquisition of a life that doesn't revolve around fart jokes, baseball and blurry Cinemax. With that said, I'm going to try and recapture those days (not the Cinemax part...that's why I have a high speed wireless connection at home) over the next few weeks as I hold out hope that the Cardinals can continue to defy the odds and wade their way through the stress laden morass of Playoff Baseball. So, in the spirit of October, allow me to say:

Fuck New York and fuck the Mets. Oh yeah, fuck Gary Carter too. That guy always annoyed the hell out of me.

Big day, BIG day...

The Cardinals can close out their NLDS series against the Padres today with a win in St. Louis. That would be nice.

Of course, not quite as nice the Gators beating LSU for the first time time in three years. That would be, dare I say, amazing. And, would more than likely result in a very long and boozy evening of celebration.

Corso Beats His Wife...

In honor of Gameday's first appearance of the year in Gainesville, I figured I ought to break a line from the greatest sign I've ever seen during a Gameday telecast. Some may say that it's a bit harsh. I say that dirty Nole has it coming...in spades.

In an effort to keep my Gator columns more enjoyable for most of you, I’m going to try and keep them in some type of format from here on out. I’m hoping that the constraints of organization will force me to pare down my thoughts a bit thus making these posts a little more concise and less like the rambling tangents that often accompany any verbal assessment of the University of Florida’s Football team. With that in mind, I’m going to break down some key components of last week’s game against Alabama and then address those aspects with regard to what they will mean this coming Saturday against LSU.

Offense:

This unit is far ahead of last year’s offense at this same stage. The line struggled early on against Bama but managed to get going early in the second quarter as they settled into their assignments against Bama’s unorthodox 3-3-5 defense and dominated the line of scrimmage on their way to a 95 yard TD drive. From this point on, the offense began to hit its stride. Their was plenty of time in the passing game and the running game really started to pick up in the second half as Florida’s line began to wear on Bama’s defense while opening up some huge holes for DeShawn Wynn and Kestahn Moore. As the O-Line’s play picked up, Chris Leak and his receivers became steadily more comfortable working against an experienced Alabama secondary, making site adjustments (Caldwell’s TD) and exploiting mismatches in the passing game by using the size of Dallas Baker and the speed of Jemalle Cornelius. While Leak ended up with some impressive stats, he was erratic in the game’s early stages, short hopping a couple of throws and nearly throwing an interception deep in his own territory.

What this means for Saturday:

While Florida’s O-line is a much improved unit, it will have to be even more prepared come Saturday afternoon. LSU’s defense is better and faster than anything the Gator’s have seen thus far. Furthermore, D-Coordinator Bo Pelini is both solid in teaching fundamentals and innovative in his employment of his defensive troops. Florida’s uncertainty in it’s blocking schemes was exposed last year by Pelini, especially in five wide sets. The O-Line will have to be quick and decisive against LSU if Florida is to take advantage of any opportunities afforded to it by the LSU defense. If the O-Line can hold its own against a dominating D-Line it will open up time for Chris Leak and his receivers. Leak will need to avoid staring down his primary receiver against LSU’s experienced and talented secondary. Twice this season, Leak has had sure interceptions deep in his own territory negated by penalty (Tenn.) or drops (Bama). If Leak makes this mistake again, LSU will almost certainly make him pay. Beyond Leak, UF’s receivers are going to have to win their fair share of one-on-one battles if the Gators are to march to victory. LSU frequently employed man coverage last year, virtually daring a Gator receiver to beat them. More often than not, Gator receivers couldn’t make LSU pay for these gambles which left Leak scrambling for his life. Perhaps, the biggest aid to the passing game would be a solid rushing attack. While Florida has rushed far more cromulently thus far this season, Saturday represents a new challenge. With DeShawn Wynn possibly injured (certainly hobbled), the Gators will need increased contributions from the likes of Moore, Tim Tebow, and Billy Latsko (both as a blocker and runner).

Defense:

While Florida’s defense is currently ranked 4th in the nation in scoring defense, it has not always resembled the dominating unit that one would expect when presented with such a statistic. This was evident against Alabama, as the Gators defense allowed Alabama to move the ball with surprising regularity in between the 20s. However, once the Tide came close to scoring territory, UF’s defense repeatedly came up with the big play or plays needed to fight off Alabama. Whether it was a timely sack (Derrick Harvey) or a crucial pass breakup (Reggie Lewis), the Gators always seemed to come up with the right play at exactly the right time.

While it’s easy to be happy with only allowing 6 offensive points to Alabama, one must be concerned with the relative lack of pressure generated by Florida’s front four. The Gator D clearly misses the push created by Marcus Thomas up the middle. His presence, and the double teams it brought, opened up ends Harvey, Jarvis Moss and Ray McDonald for one-on-one matchups on the outside. Without Thomas, Florida has struggled to consistently generate a pass rush thereby leaving its inexperienced corners to deal with Bama’s receivers on the outside. The results were a number of big gains by Bama receivers in the short to intermediate passing game, due largely to the space being given by the UF secondary in order to avoid giving up the big play over the top.

What this means for Saturday:

LSU has not been able to run the ball with any measure of success thus far this season. Much of this is due to a relatively inexperienced offensive line that is still learning the ropes. The rest of the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of tailbacks Alli Broussard and Justin Vincent. Neither back has shown the explosiveness they had prior to their injuries and look tentative in their cuts. This shouldn’t change much this week against Florida. The Gators boast the nation’s #4 rush defense and have consistently forced their opponents to abandon the run game in the second half in an attempt to effectively move the ball.

Of course, LSU has another side of the offensive coin, a devastatingly effective passing game. A passing game that has led to LSU Offensive Coordinator Jimbo Fisher (gotta love the SEC) calling far more pass plays than at any time during JaMarcus Russell’s tenure in Baton Rouge. Russell has responded by lighting up secondaries as few before in Tiger country. While I’m not (and never have been) a huge fan of Russell, one thing he does extremely well is throw the deep ball. He’s done it often this year, and with a large measure of success. With a group of receivers possibly more talented than their counterparts at UF, Russell has a large bevy of weapons at his disposal in the passing game. UF’s D will have to find ways to pressure Russell and force him to check down out of his primary reads. If the green Gator corners are forced to matchup one-on-one with the likes of Dwayne Bowe, Craig Davis and Early Doucet then it could be a very, very long day for the Gator defense. To be effective, the Gators must get pressure on Russell quickly without allowing him to move out of the pocket and create opportunities downfield. While blitzing linebackers up the middle will certainly aid this plan of attack, a push from the middle of UF’s defensive line is crucial against LSU. All of these objectives are attainable, especially against a young and banged up LSU O-line playing in a very hostile environment. It is incumbent upon the members of the Gator D-Line to win their one-on-one battles when they get the chance. Furthermore, Florida must contain LSU’s ground game and make them one dimensional. If LSU can effectively run the ball, Florida’s defense will not be able to put enough pressure on Russell to disrupt the Tigers’ passing game.

Special Teams:

I’m not going to spend much time on Florida’s Special Teams, other than to say that they must show marked improvement on Saturday. Other than some excitement courtesy of Brandon James, the Gator Special Teams have been a major disappointment so far this season. Florida will need big days from Chris Hetland (K), Eric Wilbur (P) if they are to come out victorious in this game. Additionally, UF could use a field position boost from return man James on either kickoff or punt return duty with kickoff being more likely, due to the excellence of LSU punter Chris Jackson.

Slow Starts:

Florida once again stumbled out of the gates against Bama, struggling defensively to get pressure while the offense was only able to top their ineffectiveness moving the ball by coughing up a TD producing fumble. This was symptomatic of most of the Gator’s game this fall. The Gators have trailed during the first half of every game but one (UCF) so far this season and have given up opening TDs to Tennessee, Southern Miss. and Alabama. Both offense and defense seem to sleepwalk through the games first stanza, only awakening when pushed by their opponents.

What this means for Saturday:

Problems, big problems. Florida cannot afford another slow start against LSU. To be successful, UF must come out hitting on all cylinders and energize the home crowd. An early score or turnover could rattle some of the Tigers and lead give Florida the kind of home field advantage that can be so valuable in game as tight as this looks to be. Letting LSu settle in and get comfortbale in the Swamp could have devastating effects on the game's outcome.

Missing In Action:

Florida looks to be without two, and possibly three, of their biggest contributors on Saturday afternoon. Marcus Thomas is out for his third consecutive game and his presence will certainly be missed. With Thomas manning the middle, he creates mismatches along the outside for the rest of the defensive line while also causing a fair amount of havoc in his own right. Another player who may be out for a third game (or fourth if you take out the first 5 minutes against Tenn.) is Percy Harvin. The electric freshman had already become a starter and difference maker for Florida before a high ankle sprain against UT sent him to the sidelines. He is, possibly, Florida’s most dangerous and versatile weapon on offense. Without him, the offense loses some of it’s effectiveness. However, aside from Chris Leak, the absence of no player causes as many problems for the Florida offense as DeShawn Wynn. Wynn started slowly against Bama but really began to hit his stride late in the first half. He continued to heat up early in the second half and looked to be well on his way to a third consecutive 100 yard performance before spraining his ankle midway through the third quarter. The SEC’s fourth leading rusher is the big, bruising back that Florida needs to move the chains and keep defenses off balance.

What this means for Saturday:

As I discussed earlier, the Florida defense will have to find a way to get pressure on Russell without Thomas. If the Gators cannot generate this pressure without employing too many blitzes, I see little chance in Florida pulling out the victory. As for Harvin, I doubt he will be 100% on Saturday. However, his presence on the field will force the defense to adjust its coverage to deal with the threat of him. If able to play, getting Harvin involved early is paramount. Harvin’s early involvement in the offensive scheme will energize the crowd and his teammates while also making the Gator offense much more difficult for LSU to effectively match up with. Now, we come the most concerning absence, DeShawn Wynn. Long lambasted by coaches and fans, Wynn has emerged this year to provide Florida with the primary back it so sorely needed. If Wynn is unable to play on Saturday, it will put further pressure on Kestahn Moore to run with purpose and strength and prove himself a capable SEC tailback. Moore hasn’t had a lot of carries this year, but he’ll have to tote the rock for close 75 yards on Saturday in order to keep LSU’s defense honest. Furthermore, Tim Tebow will have to continue to do be the beastly QB/Gorilla/FB that he’s been all year. Without Wynn, he’ll get even more short yardage carries than he has so far.

Key Players: They’ll be no long narratives here, just a few players on each team that will be especially important to the outcome on Saturday.

Florida

Reggie Nelson: RFN has to play a great centerfield against a talented corps of receivers who are sure to test Florida’s corners deep. He may even be used in the nickel slot depending on the situation.

Tim Tebow: Simply put, the Gators can’t win if he doesn’t continue to grind out tough yards on the ground.

Billy Latsko: With Wynn out, the underrated Latsko’s blocking will play an even more vital role for Florida’s offense than it already does. Moore, Markus Manson and Brandon James are not big enough to shake off many tackles at the line. They’ll need Latsko to spring them into the second level. Latsko will also be key in pass protection against Bo Pelini’s blitzes.

Cornelius Ingram/Tate Casey: Florida needs to utilize these two talented and athletic tight ends to relieve pressure off of Leak both as blockers and within the pass game. Using these two in the flat and over the middle should be an especially effective way to attack LSU defense and slow down their blitzes.

LSU

LaRon Landry: Reggie Nelson’s counterpart is known as the nation’s best safety. He’ll line up all over the field on Saturday and will be a key component in pass coverage as well as Bo Pelini’s blitz packages.

Chevis Jackson/Jonathan Zenon: LSU two corners will determine much of what the Tigers can throw at Florida. If they can cover Gator receivers effectively, then that will allow Landry to play closer to the line of scrimmage and cause havoc within the Gator backfield. Florida cannot win if these two shutdown the likes of Caldwell, Cornelius and Baker.

Jacob Lester: He’s JaMarcus Russell’s favorite receiver underneath and LSU loves to pass to him out of the backfield on playaction. He routinely picks up 5-10 yards on this play and is LSU's most frequent weapon on short to intermediate third downs. Florida’s linebackers need to be keenly aware of him at all times.

Dwayne Bowe: The big (6’3”), physical Bowe killed UF last year with two crucial third down receptions. The first was a TD over Dee Webb late in the second quarter while the second occurred late in the 4th quarter and virtually sealed the LSU victory as Jospeh Addai scampered into the end zone for the winning TD just two plays later. Both balls were essentially jumpballs that Bowe won against smaller Gator DBs. UF must be physical with Bowe at the line of scrimmage and force him off his routes. Once the ball is in the air, it is imperative upon Gator defenders to play the ball and not Bowe. Reggie Lewis did a great job of this against DJ Hall last week in the fourth quarter. He’ll need to be even better on Saturday.

You’ll get no prediction from me in this space, not this week at least.

Oh yeah, the Cardinals are playing right now. Can they win two in a row?

Finally, since you're likely to be reading this on Friday, here's a good interview with ?uestlove from Playboy, seriously.


(9:42 PM) Update: Marcus Thomas is officially eligible to play against LSU. I literally yelled out loud just now when I read this.

Randomness...

Originally I was going to write up a recap of the Gators’ mildy maddening victory over Alabama on Saturday. However, with a HUGE game against LSU approaching this weekend, its a pretty sure bet that I’ll be tackling some Gator football related items in my next post. With that in mind I decided that it would probably be better for all of us if I held off on my post-game analysis until Thursday, when I’ll attempt to preview the upcoming SEC showdown against the Bayou Bengals within the context of Saturday’s win over the Tide.

What does all that mean? Not much actually, other than you’ll have to wait a little longer for my thoughts on the #5 ranked college football team in the nation…and today’s post is going to be a collection of random thoughts from the weekend that was…


- Somehow, someway the Cardinals managed to avoid infamy and squeeze their way into the playoffs. As much as it pains me to say this, the fans of St. Louis owe a debt of gratitude to the Atlanta Braves organization, as it’s highly unlikely that the Cards would’ve had the ability to qualify for the playoffs on their own merit. Of course, none of this really matters now. St. Louis’ playoff run starts today and, if things hold to form, it’s gonna be a whole hell of a lot closer to a 40 yard dash than a miraculous October marathon. Whatever, we’re still in the playoffs.

- It might be time for me to consider changing the title of this blog. Drunk and Stupid doesn’t seem to accurately capture my life as well as it once did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still quite drunk and quite stupid. It’s just that, in light of my fantasy football ineptitude of the past weekend, I think adding the word (or words) “lazy, unbelievable fucking lazy” to that list of adjectives might be good idea. You see, I managed to lose in, not one but, both of my fantasy leagues this week because I forgot to set my roster. By not taking, oh I don’t know, five minutes out of my day on either Friday or Saturday (days upon which there were many opportunities for such a respite) I ended up sitting Larry Johnson (both leagues), Steve Smith, Maurice Jones-Drew, Antonio Gates (both leagues), Greg Jennings and Jerrious Norwood. As you might have guessed by now, I was completely destroyed in both leagues, losing by a combined 101 points.

- I was going mention the off-the-charts entertainment value of the Skins-Jags game in this space, but resident Al Saunders paramour Geoff just posted a much more comprehensive look at the game than I could have over at the Wheelhouse.

Seriously, what a game that turned out to be. After Brunell’s interception I was pretty sure that rabid Skins fans were going to burn down FedEx Field like a bunch of Brazilians burning toilets at a soccer game in an attempt to get Jason Campbell under center. However, Brunell recovered quickly, due in large part to Santana Moss and his game breaking creativity. As much as I wanted him to die on Sunday (He was torching my aforementioned fantasy teams. Yes, both of them), watching him run in the open field is one of the more enjoyable aspects of any NFL Sunday. Finally, the impact of Clinton Portis should never be overlooked as he clearly makes every single player in that offense more effective in their given roles. His ability to run with equal levels of effectiveness on the outside or within the tackles makes this Redskin offense as versatile as any the NFC has seen in recent vintage. Seriously, think about much more effective this unit could be with a steadier signal caller. Is there anybody who wouldn’t have the Skins as NFC Champs with Hasselbeck playing QB in place of Brunell? So much for not mentioning the Skins-Jags game.

- While the Skins-Jags game was undoubtedly the game of the week in the NFL. College football’s game of the week came from a much more unlikely source: Rutgers-USF. I watched most of this game on Friday night. First at the bar and then at my house. In fact, I was so into the second half of this game that I actually decided to stay home and watch it’s conclusion instead of going out. That doesn’t mean I didn’t get drunk. It’s just saying an awful lot when I eschew drinking with friends in order to stay home and watch two teams that I have absolutely no attachment to. Because I was drunk (and getting progressively more drunk) I won’t even bother with any analysis other than to say, that if you’re still sleeping on Rutgers it’s about time you stopped. They’ve got some legit NFL talent on that team and Schiano seems to have instilled the program with some genuine swagger. In my mind, he’s still a little lacking as far as x’s/o’s and in game adjustments go but he’s managed to completely change the culture within that program in a much shorter time than anybody could have ever guessed. When you’re trying to build a program at a traditionally downtrodden school with little to no athletic tradtition, changing the approach and culture of the players within the program (and the incoming recruits) is absolutely the most important early step.

- It’s been beaten to death already but I’m not one to show mercy, so here goes: You can’t have a much bigger condemnation of your starting QB than throwing a halfback pass on a potentially game tying two-point conversion late in the fourth quarter. And honestly, can you really blame Nick Saban? The Dolphins would be better off with Dante Calabria under center right now than the shell of QB that Daunte Culpepper has become. I didn’t think he was ever that impressive a QB before this season, but even I thought he’d at least be a minor upgrade (2-3 games) for a team that has started the likes of Frerotte, Feeley, Fiedler over the last few years. Obviously, I was wrong and clearly the only “best QB” title that still applies to Culpepper is “Best QB born in prison”. To be frank, even that’s up for debate now since I seem to remember hearing something about Marques Tuiasosoppo and a Japanese interment camp.

- I saw this on the internet yesterday and I had to share: Marquis Daniels has the most awesome tattoos I’ve ever seen. (Note: By “awesome”, I mean extremely disturbing and spectacularly ghetto). Please pay special attention his own personal version of the ever popular “Only the Strong Survive” tattoo. That, my friends, is a classic.

- I’m not going to get all preachy about Albert Haynesworth here. There’s plenty of people doing that for me already. I am going to point out that Albert “went to school” at the University of Tennessee. How did Fulmer miss out on Rae Carruth all those years ago? I bet that still sticks in his craw.

- I really like those Nike Commercials for “Briscoe High”. I’m not sure how much money they shelled out on those things, though I am sure it’s less than ESPN paid to promote ESPN Mobile (How’s that going for the Worldwide Leader anyway?). With that said, there are two items I’d like to discuss:

(1) Am I the only person who finds it odd that Briscoe would call a halfback pass on fourth and long late in the fourth quarter? Am I also the only person who wonders why the defense would bite on such a play? I mean, I haven’t seen as unrealistic a game winning play since Remember the Titans.

(2) Am I the only person who’s favorite part of the commercial is Deion Sanders’ white wife?

- Alright, I’ll say it. I miss listening to Paul Maguire spit all over himself whilst saying “Watch this, watch this right here!” every Sunday night on ESPN. It was like my own little version of a Sunday night lullaby in that it was so bad I just turned off the TV and went to bed instead of having to endure anymore of that “insight”. Now, I’m up until near midnight actually watching football on Sunday night. Come back to me Paul.

- Am I the only person who can’t figure out if Calvin Johnson is going to be as good as advertised as an NFL receiver? Maybe it’s all the lingering residue from guys like Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, David Terrell and, to a certain extent, Plaxico Burress but I’m having a lot of trouble buying into these big physical, but somewhat slow, receivers. There’s no denying that Johnson has terrific hands, and is great in the red zone. However, I’ve got serious doubts about his ability to consitently get open against NFL DBs. As we all know, everybody in the NFL is bigger and faster, especially DBs. So why is it always considered suck a lock that guys who make a living manhandling smallish college corners, like Johnson, are destined for NFL stardom? Other than T.O. (and he’s different too, in my opinion), name another elite receiver right now who is cut from the current big, physical receiver mold. I’m really interested to see what kind of 40 time Johnson posts come spring.

- Finally, yesterday brought us news that Christian Laettner and Brian Davis were going to buy the Memphis Grizzlies. If somebody would’ve told me that these two were buying a sports franchise I would’ve bet my house on it being the Golden State Warriors, or maybe the Calgary Flames.

Seriously though, who the hell even knew that these two had $40 million between them? What exactly has Brian Davis been doing since he left Duke. I mean, besides directing episodes of Will & Grace. Personally, I liked the report from yesterday’s press conference which mentioned how Davis openly bristled when the media laughed at his assertion that Laettner was going to play for the Grizzlies this year. Don’t make Brian Davis get Thomas “Quimby” Hill involved in this too.

One is the loneliest number.

Just in case you missedit, the Cardinals won yesterday. If I'm not mistaken, they play again today. Just letting you know.

K.I.M.

Just thought that i should mention that the Cardinals won last night. I'm actually not even sur why I am mentioning this. I mean, it's not like they're in the middle of a playoff race or anything.

So much pain...

I'm going to keep it short this morning and I don't care what you say about me (Greg). I severely jammed my the knuckle on my left index finger last night during my return to competitive basketball. Yep, that's right, in my first game back from a major calf muscle tear I managed to jam my knuckle bad enough that it's currently sitting somewhere in the middle of my hand. It's not anything that I haven't done a couple thousand times throughout my life but it still hurts like hell to type with my finger like this. If I was tough, I'd gut this one out for the team and soldier on with this post. However, as we all know, I'm not tough and I sure as hell don't care about "the team". It's all for the best any way because any post that I would've written today would've looked something like this:

Jesus the Cardinals suck. How the hell are we managing to continually find new and more pathetic ways to blow this once seemingly insurmountable lead? Oh, I forgot, because Albert Pujols can't play nine postitions at once. Maybe we can bring Joaquin Andujar, he was always good in the clutch and he can't be much worse than Jeff Suppan, can he?

I was going to ignore this subject in hopes of St. Louis turning this thing around on their own but now I've got to mention it in (futile) hopes of stemming the tide for the Redbirds. Sadly, I'm thinking its a case of too little, (far) too late. By the way, have I ever mentioned before how much I hate the Astros? I have? Oh, because I really hate the fucking Astros.

Okay. I've got to stop before I end up opening that package that Terrence Kiel sent me. That's for a special occasion (read: The birth of my third illegitimate child, Da'Quan)

Or maybe it would look a little more like this:

Wow. Alabama, huh? I really hate those goddamned inbreds. Sure not as much as the hillbillies in Knoxville but it's a strong hate. It stings the nostrils. Last year's 31-3 ass raping was one of the more embarrassing Gator games I've ever experienced. I would say it was the worst since the 1999 SEC Championship game. Who was that game against again? Oh yeah, Al-a-BAMA!!! I'm really hoping for a Spurrier-esque revenge game here. Those were always nice. Of course, the last time the Tide walked into the Swamp they walked out with a victory and Shaun Alexander was approximately $5 million richer (Does he send Keith Kelsey a Christmas card every year? Because he should). I'm just going to stop thinking about this game tomorrow before all the anxiety of it combined with the thought of the Cardinals' inevitable collapse makes me throw up...too late. Wow, I don't even remember eating corn last night.

Alright, that's it. My finger's throbbing and I've already thrown up once. That doesn't usually happen until at least 8 pm on a Friday. I'm gonna go lay down.















Florida will be wearing throwback uniforms tomorrow against the Tide. I'm hoping this is just a promotional photo.

Rushed post = No Title

I've spent much of the past two days constantly refreshing the message boards of Gatorcountry trying to find some news, any news on Marcus Thomas' suspension. Well, that and banging my head against my keyboard over the thought of losing Thomas for the toughest stretch of football the the University of Florida has seen in many, many years. Not only is Thomas arguably the most indispensable player on the Gator defense, he also happens to occupy the position that I personally feel is most essential to a dominating defense. While there are plenty of different ingredients that make up a dominant defense (and surely more than one recipe for said defense), it is next to impossible to have a truly special defense without pressure from the interior of your defensive line. While the 2006 Gator defense possesses a number of weapons, none are as effective without Marcus (and Scoop) commanding a double team from the opposing O-line. We learned this much in the season opener against Southern Miss. Hopefully, the next thing we learn is that Marcus is returning for the October 7th tilt in Gainesville versus LSU. I'm going to be in Gainesville for this game and will gladly supply Marcus with anything he needs in order to be ready to play against the Tigers. Well, not anything...that's kind of what got us in this predicament in the first place.

Speaking of Gator games that I'll be attending, Florida takes on Kentucky tomorrow @ 7:45 and I'll be there. Normally I wouldn't even dream of attending a game of such little national prominence. However, I'm attempting to make up for lost time this year since last year was the first year since 1996 that I didn't attend one single Gator game. Tomorrow's game will be the first of a four (and possibly more) game tour for me this year that includes LSU, UGA and FSU. I'm hoping that tomorrow will serve as a nice "walk through" for me and my liver. You just can't jump right into a game like LSU or the WLOCP after a year off without a little preventive medicine. (Note: By "preventitive medicine" I mean Jack Daniels). With all of this in mind, I'm leaving work a little early today so I'm going to keep today's post short and limit it to some loose ends and random thoughts that have slipped through the cracks recently.

- A belated "thank you" to Jerry is in order. Jerry brought up his surprise last Saturday that I didn't possess a"go to" shirt for Gator games. I responded by referencing the Ron Zook era and citing it's destruction of most of the "lucky" Gator paraphenalia that I once owned. Of course, with Tennessee looming at 8 pm, this got my wheel's spinning. I realized that I did have a shirt that was, possibly, lucky due to it's absence during my second stint in Gainesville. I decided to bring it with me to Vitas'. With things still tight but looking less than promising at halftime of a 10-7 game I decided to make the switch for the second half. We all know what happened from there, Florida outscored UT 14-3 in the second half and pulled out the victory in Neyland. All thanks to Jerry and my awesome shirt.

- During last week's ND-Michigan game, Tom Hammonds mentioned that Mike Hart's actual first name was Leon. I haven't been that disappointed in an athlete since I found out that Troy O'Leary was black. There are millions of Mikes but so few Leons, Mr. Hart. It's time for you to take a page out of Albert/Joey Belle's book...no, no not that book.

- Who's the biggest douchebag on TV right now? I'll tell you who. That fat guy from the Glidden paint commercial. He's obviously a huge sports fan because he wants to paint one of his rooms in the colors of one of his favorite teams (By the way, what is he 12 years old?). However, I'd like to hear the rational explanation for why his favorite teams include Oregon State, the Oakland A's and the Washington Redskins. Who's his favorite hockey team, the Blackhawks? I really wish Tony Stewart would just do us all a favor and reach up from the back seat and choke him out with some piano wire like a mafia movie.

- I know that it's been done a few times before but why isn't anybody, and I mean anybody, making a big deal out of Alfonso Soriano joining the 40/40 Club? I mean, he certainly has plenty of flaws (strikes out too much, poor defensively, bad tipper) but 40/40 is a pretty damned impressive accomplishment where I come from (the early 80s) and he managed to do it while playing his home games in RFK. I should probably just be quiet about this. I'm sure that most sports fans are much more interested in T.O.'s finger anyway.

- Am I the only guy who thinks that the name Prescott Burgess should only be given to people who are going to end up in a frat at UVA? When it becomes clear that isn't going to happen there should be some type of law that changes your name to something more appropriate. In this case I'm thinking something along the lines of...Damarneus Wilcox.

- When you're watching the 12:00 noon ESPN game tomorrow ask yourself if you think Pam Ward tucks her bird in between her legs or tapes it to the inside of her thigh when she wears skirts? I say tuck.

- During the Iowa-Iowa State game last Saturday, multiple stroke victim Mike Gottfried said this about Iowa tailback Albert Young, "He will tell you anything you want to hear." Up to that point I had been unaware that Albert Young was a prostitute. Knowing is half the battle, I guess.

- He doesn't get enough pub because, well, he plays at perpetually 7-5 Boston College, but linebacker/fullback Brian Toal is one of the more underrated players in the nation. He's the kind of guy who ends up going in the 4th round b/c of somewhat unimpressive measurables but still ends up starting by the middle of his rookie year. Seriously, if you can take the boredom of watching ACC Football this year (the conference is even more mediocre than normal, which is saying something) sit down and just watch Toal for a series or three. He's good.

- Direct quote from ABA Owner Ann Iverson on her team's new name (Richmond Ballers), "All our players better be Ballers because if they're whack, they're going home." Wow, who wouldn't want to suit up for an organization with a leader like that? Can't you just see Art Modell saying the same thing to Ozzie Newsome?

I probably won't post on Monday because I'll be pretty busy with meetings and such while also more than likely handicapped by the hangover that I'm sure to bring home as a souvenir from the long weekend in Gainesville that will conclude in Orlando on Sunday night at a concert I'll be attending at the House of Blues. The trip to Gainesville is exciting enough but when combined with the concert, this weekend has the potential to be one of the all-time greats. At this point you may be wondering who it is that I'm going to see in Orlando on Sunday. Frankly, I'm not really sure that any of you will have ever heard of them. Well, maybe a few of you. It's this little hip-hop group from NYC who call themsleves A Tribe Called Quest. See, I knew you guys wouldn't know who I was talking about.

I'll be back tuesday. Until then, Greg's new blog is sure to keep you entertained with his witty insights. Have a good weekend.

Unfortunately, Marcus Thomas believes in Rocking the Vote

To say today’s been busy would be a bit of an understatement. Actually, this whole week has been busy since I was out of the office for most of last week while attending a conference down in Miami. I really shouldn’t complain though since I spent the time in Miami shacked up in a hotel room with this view:

As for today, it hasn’t been anything other than your normal busy day, save for a couple of items. The first is that my girlfriend got in a car accident right in front of my office on her way in to see me this morning. Fortunately, she seems to be relatively unharmed and there isn’t a ton of damage to her car. She got in a car accident last year (nearly to the day) and ended up needing knee surgery so we’re kind of holding our breath right now because she banged the same knee against her steering wheel (again) during the impact. You see, my girlfriend is very short and tends to fly within the confines of a car when shes in an accident. The second less than pleasant item of the day is something I’ll get into in just a bit.

The time I spent in Miami was nice. My girlfriend and I spent most of the time drinking, hanging out on the beach and, generally, just taking in all that Miami has to offer. Somehow, despite living in Florida for the past 15 of the past 20 years, my girlfriend hadn’t ever been to Miami so it was a nice introduction for her (on the company dime no less). I’ve been to Miami more times than I can count (or care to) but it’s always nice to get away from this podunk town I live in and experience a taste of a more metropolitan city for a few days. I won’t bore any more than I already have with details of the trip other than to mention a couple things that happened and/or we noticed during our brief vacation.

- Actual statement from the gf: “Where are all the beautiful people?” Well, I’m going to assume a lot of them were sleeping, since many of the “beautiful people” who inhabit Miami also have sizeable cocaine habits that allow them to party in the finest clubs until around 7 am. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of beautiful people in Miami. It just so happens that there are also plenty of trolls as well. With a population that large, it can’t all be models and porn stars. It’s science.

- If you didn’t know that the gf was new to Miami, it would’ve only taken her reaction to nearly having her purse snatched to clue you in. As we walked down near Calle Ocho one evening (6ish) we passed a young Spaniard (probably Guatemalan actually) wearing some lovely bright pink Chuck Taylors. Once we passed him he began to follow us in a rather brisk fashion. At this point, it was clear to both of us (me and the Guaty) that he intended to snatch her purse. One problem here: As my gf came to this realization, she inexplicably switched her purse to her outside arm and began to walk away from me. Somehow this made sense to her. Of course, I quickly closed the distance between us and ushered my gf into a store where the Guaty would quickly realize that the duffle bag that my gf calls a purse would not be going home with him. I’m really hoping that my gf can figure out some better techniques for urban survival before our next vacation. Fucking Canadians.

I’m sure it will come to the surprise of nobody that the highlight of my weekend came on Saturday night. The annual Florida-Tennessee game is my favorite rivalry game of the Gator season. There’s some genuine hate between both the teams and their fans and this, along with a tugboat full of athletes on each team, usually combine to make for one hell of a college football game. Saturday night was no exception. In fact, it was one of the better games between these two schools in recent memory. I won’t go into the specifics of the game (it IS Wednesday after all) but I couldn’t let such a huge victory pass without dropping a few notes on the game.

- I was hoarse on Sunday. Noticeably so. No, I didn’t watch the game from the stands in Neyland. Nor did I watch it in a crowded bar. Rather, I watched it a Vitas’ house with no more than 6 other people in attendance. I’m a little too attached to the success of Gator football. As if you hadn’t figured that out already.

- Billy Latsko will never get enough credit for being suck an effective blocker and fullback. Jerry mentioned this on Saturday and after reviewing some tape (seriously, I slow down the clips via DVR when I watch the Urban Meyer Show every Sunday morning so that I can try and focus on things that escape my attention during the course of a normal Gator game. Things such as o-line schemes and blocking responsibilities as well as defensive calls and formations in specific down and distance situations. Mmm, film breakdown...like biscuits & gravy, only better).

As mush credit as DeShawn Wynn deserves for his performance in Neyland, none of it would’ve been possible without the yeoman’s effort of Latsko. He consistently took on defensive ends, tackles and linebackers and blew them up while opening holes for Wynn. A perfect example was Wynn’s clinching first down run. Latsko sealed the defensive end, which ended up taking out the middle linebacker, and gave Wynn just enough time (and room) to cut his run to the outside and gain the seven yards needed to seal the Gator victory.

- Brandon James, all 5'5" of him, is already the best return man that the University of Florida has seen since Lito Sheppard's sophomore year. I'll eat my hat if he's not the best that's ever graced the field at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in four years.

- I’ve already written at length about Reggie Nelson so I’ll try and keep this short. He is, without a doubt, the most talented safety to play for the University of Florida in nearly a decade. His range and closing speed in coverage are breathtaking to behold (How many people initially though Ainge’s first pass of the night was a sure TD?). Furthermore, his athletic ability, overall defensive awareness and knowledge of the scheme allow the Gator defensive staff to take a ton of chances in man coverage with their relatively inexperienced corners that they wouldn’t even consider without RFN playing center field.

- The UF O-line still has plenty of room to improve but they took the first steps toward being a dominant unit on Saturday night. To go into an environment like Neyland Stadium at 8 pm and walk out with not only a victory, but a victory based largely upon your ability to effectively run block and pass protect while only surrendering two false start penalties, (one of which was bogus) is something that no Gator fan would’ve predicted with any measure of confidence at any point in the last two seasons. They have many more tests in front of them, including the lightning fast defenses (is there something faster, b/c lightning seems too slow) of LSU and Auburn in the very near future so there’s plenty of time to regress. However, the season would not feel nearly as promising if UF’s O-line were coming off a performance similar to last year’s win against UT.

- While I'm writing about dominance, I might as well throw a tip of the cap to the Gator defensive line. Their ability to stuff the run and get pressure up the middle completely disrupted Tennessee’s offense and eventually wore down the Volunteer defense in the second half. Marcus Thomas lived up to his All-American billing and Ray McDonald once again looked like Ray McDonald before he tore both his ACLs last season. I’d still like to see more pressure coming from the ends but it’s tough to argue against the most dominating defensive line performance that Florida’s seen in a decade.

- Now, for the aforementioned second item that is ruining my day. I had a feeling that something bad was coming because, well, there was mention of losing a “key player” for an extended period of time on the Gator message boards last night. My first reaction was that the Gators would be without the services of uber-stud Percy Harvin for the next few weeks while he recovered from a high ankle sprain (I’m still pretty worried about this as high ankle sprains don’t generally heal quickly) suffered early on against Tennesee. While that was bad enough to send me into a mini-tailspin, it wasn’t nearly the devastating blow that the news of Marcus Thomas’ 5 game suspension is. Evidently, the most dominating defensive tackle to play at UF since Ed Chester (He was REALLY, REALLY good but shattered his leg against LSU in 1998. I also refuse to consider Gerard “Double Fist” Warren as a dominant tackle while at UF. He should’ve been but, in a sign of things to come, wasn’t due to a vexing combo of lacksadaisical attitude and what I’m guessing were epic hangovers.) decided that he’d rather get high than play football for the Gators while literally earning millions of dollars. Simply put, the Gators now look like they’ll enter their toughest stretch of the season (UK, Bama, Auburn, LSU, UGA) without their most indispensable defensive player. If the lack of pressure that the d-line generated (sans Thomas) against So. Miss. is any indication, the Gators shouldn’t expect to come out of October with anything less than two losses. I’d love to say that I’m being overly apocalyptic here but I really don’t believe that. Well, I guess I can keep my fingers crossed.

Come Sunday morning, I just wanted to sit down and watch a little ManU-Arsenal (which was lovely) and then transition into the Buccaneers’ suddenly very important matchup with Atlanta. I think we all know how that turned out. By the time Chris Simms overthrew a wide open Ike Hilliard in the endzone (from 5 yards out) with seconds left in the first half I decided that I could take no more. Anymore viewing of that rusty coat hanger abortion that Gruden calls an offense would’ve sapped all the joy from the Gator victory directly from my body. With that in mind, I went to my buddy Philly Phil’s house to take advantage of his six TVs, plentiful beer, and breathtaking spread .

As you might guess by his name, Philly Phil is an Eagles fan. He’s also exactly what you’d expect from an Eagles fan. Slovenly, drunk, tasteless, classless and a multiple felon. As you also might guess, Phil was enjoying himself by the time I walked in just after halftime of the Eagles-Giants game, saying things like “Championship!” (think the TJ Who’s Your Mama commercial). Well, we all know what happened from there. Sadly enough, Philly Phil had invited our friends Kurt, Matt and JJ (Giants fans and brothers) over to watch the game as well. By the time the game reached OT, the entire living room had swelled with people (all the people watching other games on the porch were now inside) and Phil was quickly beginning to look like a candidate for domestic abuse. Now, I could care less about the entire NFC East and all its “tradition”. To me it’s just another reason to hate people from the northeast who consider themselves superior to the rest of America. However, I can empathize with a heartbreaking loss, which is exactly what Sunday ended up being for Phil. When Plaxico Burress finally drug Shelden Brown into the endzone and yelled, “Get that shit outta here!!” I glanced back to see Phil close his eyes and drop his head in horror, or shame, or maybe a little of both. Whatever it was, I’ve been there before and seeing it made me all the more thankful that I wasn’t in his place the night before. Football is awesome, there’s no denying that. It also stings like a kick to the taint sometimes too.

Sadly, she's sporting a fresh black eye these days. I blame Plaxico.

You know I don't speak Spanish.

I was really planning on doing a post about tomorrow's Tennessee- Florida matchup this week as well as some other picks of what promises to be one of college football's most enjoyable and draining weekends in recent memory. Unfortunately, I just got back from three days in Miami at a conference. I'd like to say that I was too busy attending education sessions and symposiums to sit down and write anything worthwhile. However, I was actually too busy laying on the beach and drinking copious amounts of Patron to do anything other than swim, sleep and occasionally eat a terribly overpriced meal. I know, I know, its a tough life I lead but somebody has to attend these conferences on the compnay dime so it might as well be me.

I'm back in town now and I don't have nearly the energy required to write anything other than what you're currently reading. You can rest assured that I'll be intently watching all of tomorrow's many marque matchups while I bite my nails down to the cuticle out of Orange Sherbet related anxiety. Suffice it to say, 8 pm Saturday cannot come soon enough for this guy. Hopefully, I'll have some time to write come Monday. If so, I'l be back with a wrapup on the trip to Miami as well as my assorted thoughts on Separation Saturday, or whatever the schmoes at the Worldwide Leader are calling tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend.

Oh yeah, I did manage to catch a little of Mayland - WVU last night and I think it's safe to say that Ralph Friedgen probably owes about 15% of his current salary to former pupil Joe Hamilton. Remember when everybody thought that fat fuck was an offensive mastermind and potentially great coach? Feels like decades ago these days.

Who's world is this? Well, that's a silly question.

It’s Friday morning, the NFL Season officially kicked off last night, the Gators play their final game before their SEC Opener ( next Saturday in Knoxville @ 8 pm…yes I’m already scared) in just over 24 hours and Season 4 of The Wire debuts on Sunday. Yet, all I can think about this morning is the impending release of Ron Artest’s solo debut. I can’t be the only one...can I?


Sadly, I’ll have to wait until October 31st (Don’t worry TJ, I’ll try to get an advance copy for Jacksonville) to hear it in its entirety. Though I am pretty sure that the lead single (Fever) should be pretty riveting even if it already pales in comparison to its accompanying b-side Working the Pole. Ron Artest, ladies and gentleman. If you’re looking for something to hold you over until Ron-Ron arrives to save the music industry as we know it, I highly recommend the new releases by DJ Shadow and The Roots.

Now, onto some more pressing issues. I was going to write some college football predictions this morning but it always feels a bit disingenuous to make my predictions on Friday morning when every other writer out there has already released their prognostications for the weekend. I’ll pick a couple winners for tomorrow’s bigger games later in this post but I’m going to touch on some other things while I’ve still got the energy.

College Basketball:

- With all the build-up towards this weekend’s college and NFL games you may have missed this article on Reggie Theus and the impact he’s making on the program at New Mexico St. It’s a fairly interesting article about challenges of rebuilding a program in a remote location. One thing I don’t understand about the article is the writer’s initial doubt about Theus’ ability to be the head coach at the Division 1 level. Of all the things to be worried about when it comes to Reggie Theus (Will his hair leave grease marks on the back of his suit? Is he going to play the Gameboy version of NBA All-Stars that features him during games?), his ability to coach basketball should never be in question. I mean did you see what he did with that team of misfits on Hang Time?

- In other coaching news, the University of Memphis has hired (wait for it) Rod Strickland to be their new Director of Basketball Operations. What’s next, hiring the Three Six Mafia as the team’s strength and conditioning coaches? I can’t envision any scenario where this is a good idea for the University of Memphis. Unless of course, the Director of Basketball Operations primary job is to secure massive quantities of liquor, strippers, and steak gorditas at 3 am on a weeknight.

The Three Six would like you to work on your core strength this offseason.

NFL:

- I’m not, nor have I ever been, a big Daunte Culpepper fan. The last time I could count myself as a fan of his was during his time at UCF, which was more a matter of state pride than anything. Despite his extreme physical gifts, he lacks many of the most important qualities that I like in elite NFL QBs. Maybe I’m just a picky Pete but it’s my opinion that he is average (at best) when it comes to things like pre-snap reads, going through his progressions, looking off his primary receiver, and use of double ended sex toys. That doesn’t even begin to take into account the completely gay platinum pepper that he wears as a charm on his necklace. He showed many of these weaknesses during last night’s fourth quarter as Troy Polamolu and Joey Porter made him look like Tony Banks after a night in Big Boi’s “boom boom room”. With that said, Culpepper is an enormous upgrade over every QB who has suited up for Miami in the 8 years since Dan Marino retired. His arm, pocket presence, and leadership ability alone will be enough for an extra 2-3 wins this year. Despite my doubts about Culpepper overall, I think his addition will be enough to push Miami over the top in the AFC East.

- I might as well get this out of the way now. I’ve become increasingly convinced over the past week that my main fantasy team is completely and totally fucked. Normally I wouldn’t panic so early in the season. In fact, I think it’s ridiculous to panic about your team at any point before week 5. However, there’s another factor at play here: Steve Smith. Two years ago, I picked up Steve Smith as my #1 receiver only to watch him go down in Week 1 with a broken leg. Despite this setback, I finished second in my league. Burned like Hildebrand after a trip to Tijuana, I stayed far, far away from Smith in last year’s draft. I think we all know how that turned out. Finally, this year, as I was debating what receiver I’d select in the third round (after nabbing Larry Johnson and Willis McGahee in the first two rounds) I had Steve Smith fall into my lap. As much as I wanted to stay away, the vision of him torching secondary after secondary last year was too much for my feeble little brain to overcome. So, reluctantly, I selected him. Of course, now Smith’s hamstring problem seems like a much bigger deal than anybody had imagined at this point last week and I’m convinced it’s something that will hamper his health and effectiveness throughout the season. Thanks a lot Steve Smith, for ruining my damn fantasy season before it ever got started. (Anybody with access to Steve Smith’s email should feel free to copy and paste the prior paragraph into a message titled “You, Steve Smith, suck like nobody has ever sucked in the history of sucking.”)

- I’m as excited as I’ve been in four or five years for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers season to get underway. In the time since their glorious Super Bowl victory there’s always been some lingering questions going into the season. Last year there were a couple of major concerns. Most notably, how the hell are they going to score when Brian Griese gets drunk and trips over his dog again? My answer was generally something like, “They won’t. Not with that fairy pants Chris Simms running the show they won’t.” By the time the Bucs went into San Francisco sans Simeon Rice (after that memorable incident involving a chinese hooker, some firecrackers, and a ham sandwich) and dropped one to a pathetic 49er outfit I was ready to throw the season away. Then something completely unexpected happened, Chris Simms figured out how to effectively quarterback. I certainly never saw that coming as I’ve been denigrating the abilities of Phil’s son ever since he stole Major Applewhite’s job at Texas.

Despite my extreme skepticism, I finally became convinced that Simms was capable of leading this franchise during the Bucs’ thrilling regular season victory over Washington in Tampa. By the time the season ended, the Bucs had Cadillac back in form, a young QB growing with each game and the same stellar defense that’s been a fixture in Tampa since Trent Dilfer was tripping over his center’s feet. Other than the aforementioned Super Bowl year, last year may have been the most enjoyable Buccaneer season of my adulthood (There were no enjoyable Buc seasons during my childhood).

With a new season about to kickoff, I am (as are most NFL fans) full of optimism. Sure, the Bucs play in one of the NFL’s toughest divisions (second to the NFC East) and the offense is still fairly unproven. However, this team has a chance to be as complete an overall unit as any that’s graced the fields of Raymond James Stadium. There’s never been a Tampa offense with this many weapons. Both Cadillac and Joey Galloway are legit gamebreakers who have also shown the ability to carry an offense at times. Simms should continue to develop into a good NFL QB. The o-line, for years a weakness, came together late last year and seems to be improved. Michael Clayton, Alex Smith, and Doug Jolley are all very capable receivers in the middle of the field who can cause matchup problems. Hell, even David Boston has shown some signs of life in camp (Unfortunately he’s not shown anybody those purple contacts he used to wear around like some kind of gay). If the Bucs defense can hold up (an increasing concern as the defense continues to get older and older and older) to it’s lofty standards there is no reason why this team shouldn’t make the playoffs and even challenge Carolina for the division title. Of course, all this goes flying out the window if Brooks, Rice or Barber (or maybe even Brian Kelly) go down with a major injury.

Gator Football:

As much as I love the Bucs, they consistently take a back seat to my allegiance to the University of Florida, except for a good chunk of the Ron Zook era (shudders). I’m going to keep my thoughts on the Gators to a minimum this week as it’s safe to say I’ll be doing plenty of writing about next Saturday’s showdown with Tennessee during most of next week.

Florida takes on UCF tomorrow at 6 pm for the first time since 1999 when Steve Spurrier coached up the boys in Orange and Blue to 712-3 victory (or at least something very close to that). UCF is a much different program these days. George O’Leary has instilled the program with some much needed discipline after the Mike Kruczek era. The school is set to open a new on-campus 45,000 seat football stadium (replacing the ancient, and far from centrally located Citrus Bowl) next year against Texas and they are fresh off the school's first ever appearance in a Bowl game. As different as the program may be, I’m still not giving the Knights much chance tomorrow. I’m envisioning something like 37-13. Just good enough to keep Gator fans from going on a suicide watch and just enough problems to give Urban Meyer material to get his troops motivated for Tennessee. I have one more prediction for tomorrow night’s game: I’ll be drunk. Very, very drunk. A few more notes:

- In last week’s preview I called Tony Joiner "a linebacker in a safety’s body". I wrote that based more upon practice reports than anything I’d personally witnessed. Luckily for me, I couldn’t have been more on the money. When I saw him up close last Saturday I immediately yelled out, “Tony Joiner is fucking huge!”. Seriously, the guy has arms the size of my thighs. Additionally, he seemed to acquit himself well in coverage, only giving up one reception that I noticed while also grabbing a pick en route to garnering defensive player of the game honors. If Joiner can continue to play cromulently in coverage, the secondary at UF should evolve into one of the team’s strengths.

- If you’re watching the game tomorrow, look out for freshman Jarred Fayson. Fayson is a former high school QB from Tampa who was an All-American last year as an athlete. He’s worked his way into the rotation at receiver already and should see some time tomorrow. Reports from practice have him being nearly as fast and just as elusive as Percy Harvin. If he’s even close to that, the Gators offense may set an NCAA record for the number of reverses and wide receiver options run in a year.

- One more thing to watch: Kickoff coverage. Gator freshman linebacker Dustin Doe is a freaking missile on kick coverage. He hit a guy so hard last week that the entire group of people we were watching with (at Vitas’ house) yelled “Boom!” in unison. I even high fived Vitas and I hadn’t high fived somebody since OJ was acquitted.

Predictions:

Oregon vs. Fresno State: I think everybody is getting a little ahead of themselves with Oregon. Yeah, they looked good against Stanford but it was Stanford and this wasn’t Men’s Volleyball. With that said, I think Jonathan Stewart is a future All-American at tailback. His size/speed ratio (thanks Jerry) is amazing. When was the last time you saw a 234 lb. guy return a kickoff, on purpose? Stewart does that and just about everything else Oregon needs him to do. I’ll take Oregon by 6.

South Cacalack vs. Jawja: This game seems to go the same every year. UGA starts out slow. USC takes advantage of UGA’s sluggish play and stakes itself to an early lead. Eventually UGA and Mark Richt take their balls out and make a few plays on offense with their vastly superior talent. All the while UGA’s defense if suffocating a USC offense that can’t seem to take on more than 3 guys rushing at a time. If this were a passing camp or a seven-on seven drill I’d go with SOS and the Cocks. It’s not and Georgia may have the nations best d-line (Hello Quentin Moses!). Georgia takes the lead in the fourth and wins by 10.

Notre Dame vs. Penn State: I’d really, really like to pick Penn State here. I try to make it a rule to pick any coach who rolls up his khakis. However, I think that Notre Dame’s passing game is too strong. Sure, it’s not as strong as Joe Pa’s bifocals, but what is? The inexperienced Penn State secondary will be tested early and often in this one with unfavorable results. Penn State will hang tough but inexperience and the crowd in South Bend will prove too much to overcome. ND wins by 7.

Related note: After PSU QB Anthony Morelli threw his first TD pass last week against Akron, he was stalking the sidelines while talking shit and gesturing to his teammates. That is, until Paul Posluzny walked up to him and made the cut it out gesture (hand back and forth under the chin, not the one popularized by Dave Coulier). Morelli immediately stopped and walked back to the bench. It’s seeing things like this that make watching football all day worth it.

Ohio State vs. Texas: I could care less who wins this thing. All I want from this game is something as exciting and close as last year’s matchup in Columbus. Troy Smith always seems a little shaky to me when he’s forced to be primarily a pocket passer. He’s much better when he’s rolling out or scrambling. Texas’ defense was really overlooked last year because of Vince Young and that offense, but they were a dominant unit last year. While the loss of Tarell Brown hurts, the defense is still loaded with speed, experience and size upfront. I’d love to take Texas here but it’s tough for me to put my faith in a young QB who has never faced the kind of talent (albeit inexperienced talent) that OSU possesses on defense. Even if he has a name that makes him sound like the title character of a porn set in the wild west (Colt McCoy’s Bronze Buckaroos?). Pay special attention to OSU linebacker and former Gator signee (shaking fist at UF admissions department) Larry Grant as he’ll be a focal point of the OSU attack. The verdict: THE Ohio State University wins by 4 and we all get our goose on, well at least I will.

Finally, I wish good luck to John and Duper on theri quest to consume 40 beers while watching sixteen hours of college football in Montana tomorrow. I hate you both. No really.

Dude, he can fly?

Apparently all the praise being heaped upon Tim Tebow over the past eight months was warranted. Because, well, the dude can fly.

In all seriousness, Tebow looked exactly like the nervous freshman that he is during most of his brief appearance on Saturday night. That is, until he stiff armed the shit out of an unsuspecting Southern Miss. linebacker on his way to the endzone pictured above. I've never seen a gorilla play QB before, but that's always how I'd imagined it would look. At this point I'm hoping that Timmy throws his poop at George O'Leary after he scores a TD against UCF on Saturday night because that would be, well, funny.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only Gator fan who is daydreaming of Tebow running the spread option with Percy Harvin at UF for the next couple of years (b/c there is NO WAY that Harvin is going to be in Gainesville for the full four years). If the chants of "Let's go Tebow" (dum, dum, dumdumdum!) that were heard throughout the Swamp on Saturday night are any indication, it appears as if the Gator Nation has itself a new sweetheart. A huge, beast of a sweetheart, sure, but a sweetheart nonetheless.

With apologies to Mr. Tebow, the unquestioned highlight of Saturday evening for Gator fans (or fans of mind blowing open field running) was the debut of another similarly touted freshman, Harvin, who managed to wow the home crowd with the kind of creativity with the ball in his hands that the Swamp hadn't seen since Peter Warrick was reversing field all over our asses while en route to a National Championship and one hell of a Dillard's discount.

I'll be back with more game commentary tomorrow as well as some highlights from a glorious weekend of football, booze, beach and, um football. For now there's work to be done though. Of course, by "work" I mean scouring Gator message boards and designing plays that will be anonymously (and drunkenly) faxed to the Florida Football offices at approximately 3:30 am one evening.

2006 Florida Gator Football Preview, Part 2

I’m aware that I originally promised pictures in the first part of the Florida Football preview but between the hurricane (HA!) and the catch up I had to play yesterday after missing work on Wednesday, it just seemed to be a case of too little, too late. I have no doubt that some well placed pics would’ve added something to the quality of the post, but the post itself is more about my analysis of this year’s Gator Football team than it is about pretty pictures of a bunch of kids who most of you wouldn’t know if they walked into your office right now.

So there’s my excuse for the lack of pictures in Part 1. We’ll see if we can’t get some pictures up for Part 2. Speaking of Part 2, let’s get started. (note: I’m not going to review the special teams until after this weekend’s game when I have a chance to at least see what the Gators are trotting out for the all important third phase. If I had to guess I’d say that the kicking game will be much improved in all aspects other than punting, because Punter Eric Wilbur and his coverage team were both pretty solid last year already. I do not expect that to change.)

Defensive Line: You have to go back to the 1998 team (possibly further) to find a D-Line at Florida with this much depth and talent. In fact, one could make the case that this line has the potential to be the best defensive line in the 100 years of Florida Football.

The line is anchored by All-American candidate Marcus Thomas. A starter since he was a true freshman, Thomas is coming off his first completely healthy off-season since he entered UF. Already a first team all-SEC player, look for the 6’3”, 300 lb Thomas to be a dominating force on the interior of the line with his unusual blend of power and quickness. If he can stay healthy, look for Thomas to become the first Gator All-American D-Tackle since Gerard Warren in this, his senior year.

Another player who has started at UF since his freshman year is DE Ray McDonald. McDonald originally began his career as a DT next to Thomas before being moved to DE by Urban Meyer’s staff before the beginning of last year. All signs in the pre-season pointed toward the Gator legacy (his dad, Ray, Sr. was a WR at UF) having a monster season off the edge last year before he went down with an ACL tear against Tennessee in early September. Amazingly, McDonald rushed back from injury and was back on the field by late October. Unfortunately, McDonald rushed back too soon, which resulted in him tearing the ACL in his other knee shortly after his return to action. McDonald is now back and completely healthy after a rigorous offseason of rehab on both of his reconstructed knees. Though he’s been held out of many of the fall drills, expect McDonald to return with a vengeance in his final campaign.

Pairing up with Thomas at DT will be a combination of seniors Joe Cohen and Steven Harris. Harris started every game alongside Thomas last year but missed most of spring (and much of fall) camp with what Meyer deemed "personal issues". It’s recently come out that Harris is the father of two four month olds from different mothers and the speculation is that Meyer wanted Harris to take care of his newfound family business before he rejoined the team. In Harris’ absence, Cohen finally seems to have begun to realize the enormous potential scouts saw in him as a senior at Palm Bay High. Though he was originally recruited as a running back, the now 6’2”, 300 lb. Cohen spent the last two years at DE where it seemed he lacked the necessary burst to be a dominant rusher off the edge (the fact that he spent most of last year recovering from hip surgery is thought to have contributed to this lack of explosion). With his squat build and natural power (reportedly the strongest player at Florida), Cohen always seemed like a natural for the tackle position. His play in the spring and fall has done nothing to diminish this notion and many (including me) expect Cohen to have a big year. Besides these three, Florida also boasts outstanding depth along the front four with Ends Derrick Harvey, and true freshman Jermaine Cunningham as well as the undersized (but extremely agile and active) Clint McMillan backing up either tackle spot. Who am I missing? Oh yeah.

Breakout player: Jarvis Moss. Get ready to see (possibly) the most dominating defensive end in the country this year. Moss was the nation’s #1 rated end coming out of high school in Texas three years ago. However, when he arrived on campus in Gainesville he was unable to gain any weight whatsoever. In fact, he was actualy losing weight. Getting down to 215 lbs, despite being 6'6". It got so bad for Moss that he nearly gave up football altogether two springs ago. Luckily for Moss, Urban Meyer wasn’t ready to let him quit just yet. Meyer ordered a battery of tests to determine what was wrong with Moss. Eventually, Florida’s medical staff discovered that Moss was suffering from an infection in his groin that resulted from a cortisone shot during his senior year of high school (um, owww). Once his condition was discovered, Moss began to gain weight and was soon on track to becoming the player he’d been touted to be. Though he didn’t start a game last year and didn’t even play until mid-October vs. LSU, Moss finished the season as the team sack leader with 7.5. Reports from practice have Moss being completely unblockable this fall and most experts are predicting that Moss will break Alex Brown’s single season sack record (13) at UF. From what I’ve seen (and heard), I have no reason to disagree.

Linebackers: While there is no shortage of depth or talent along the Gator defensive line, there is a serious lack of depth at linebacker in Gainesville. The Gators will come into fall with two of the SEC’s best, and most experienced, linebackers in junior Brandon Siler and senior Earl Everett. However, after these two the drop off is precipitous.

There isn’t another proven backer in the entire group. Senior Brian Crum is slated to start WLB but any Gator fan who tells you they are comfortable with that is either insane or a pathological liar. Crum has all the physical tools you could ask for, but has never shown the toughness or mental capacity to adequately handle the duties of a starting linebacker in the SEC. Most observers expected him to eventually cede the starting duties to sophomore Jon Demps, but that was before Demps went down with a torn ACL for the second consecutive season a few weeks back. The backups at linebacker for UF now consist of three true freshman (AJ Jones, Brandon Spikes, & Dustin Doe) and a former walk-on (Darryon Robinson). If there’s one place where the Gators must stay healthy on defense, its at linebacker where an injury to either Siler or Everett would be catastrophic.

I haven’t written much about either Siler or Everett here and that’s a testament to their consistency and durability. They were Florida’s two leading tacklers last year and will have to step up their play to an even higher level if UF’s defense is to be the truly dominant unit that it can (and should) be this season. More specifically, Everett needs to make more “big” plays than he has up to this point in his Gator career. Everett has the speed and size to be a difference maker in the passing game with both his pass rush and coverage ability and will need to better utilize these gifts if he’s to fulfill all the potential he had when he first started for the Gators as a 195 lb. freshman. As for Siler, he the league’s best middle linebacker and the undisputed leader of this team. He’s been an impact player since he replaced an injured Channing Crowder as a true freshman. Now a junior, Siler has to become the kind of linebacker who changes the course of a game with his hits and defensive aptitude. He’s been building towards this year since he first stepped on the field at Florida. Now is the time for him to cement his legacy in Gainesville.

Breakout player: ?????. I’d love to say Brian Crum but I can’t say I really believe that. Freshman Brandon Spikes (6’3”, 240) is already physically ready for the SEC. Can he catch up mentally quick enough to be an impact freshman for this defense? I hope so but it’s all up in the air as of now. I’m going to go with both Everett and Siler here for all the reasons I named earlier.

Secondary: Just a few weeks ago many Gator fans would’ve described this as the weakest and most shallow unit on the entire squad. Luckily for UF, the NCAA’s new transfer rule brought in some much needed talent at corner that helped solidify a secondary badly in need of some player makers on the perimeter. Ryan Smith has come in from Utah and grabbed one of the starting corner positions on this team where he has reunited with his former head coach and position coach (Chuck Heater) at Utah. Smith was a freshman All-American during Utah’s undefeated season two years ago. Somehow he fell out of favor with new coach Kyle Whittingham and ended up out of Utahs’ starting lineup by mid-season. Once Smith decided to transfer, he sped up his course load and graduated Utah this summer. The aforementioned new NCAA rule allowed Smith to transfer to any school he chose to attend graduate school while not having to sit out the year that normal transfers must. This couldn’t have happened at a better time for the Gators who lost their top three corners off last year’s team through a combination of graduation (Vernell Brown), early entry (Dee Webb) and dismissal (Avery Atkins). Without Smith, UF would be faced with the prospect of starting two corners with precious little experience. A prospect that didn’t bode well for a Gator defense that employs man-to-man almost exclusively.

Starting opposite Smith will be senior Reggie Lewis. Lewis is a converted wide receiver who had never played a down of defense before last spring. While he struggled for much of last season, Lewis rebounded by stepping up in the absence of Brown (broken leg) late in the season with a some solid performances against Vandy (game saving interception in OT) and FSU. The light came on for Lewis late last year and has only continued to shine throughout the off-season. While going against one of the nations most talented wide receiver corps, Lewis has consistently held his own and received praise from Meyer for his ability and toughness throughout fall camp. Lewis will be tested early and often by SEC offenses and how he responds will go a long way towards determining the effectiveness of this defense.

Florida’s safeties will be junior Tony Joiner and junior Reggie Nelson. Joiner is a linebacker in a safety's body. Joiner is one of the hardest hitters on the entire squad and a player who has become one of the unquestioned leaders of this defense with his heady play and fiery persona. Joiner is still a relatively unproven safety (1 career start) and will need to prove he can handle the responsibilities if he’s to hold off former All-SEC freshman Kyle Jackson who is trying to recover mentally from an awful 2005 campaign. As for Reggie Nelson, well…

Breakout player: It may seem odd to simultaneously label a player as the team’s best defender and a breakout candidate but that’s precisely what I’m saying about Reggie Nelson. Florida fans have been waiting on Reggie Nelson for years. Ever since he teamed with Joe Cohen at Palm Bay High, Gator fans have been pining for the freakishly talented athlete to make his presence known at the Swamp. He did just that last year and should be expected to do that and more this season. Many scouts considered him the state’s best player when he came out of high school. Unfortunately, low test scores forced Nelson to junior college. There Nelson redshirted his freshman year (in order to preserve eligibility) and then became a JUCO All-American in his second year. He arrived on campus in Gainesville with as much hype as any player in Gator history and quickly made his way onto the field as the Gator’s nickel back early in the season. Meyer and his staff wanted to ease Nelson into a starting role before they threw him into the fray at Safety. It wouldn’t take long. Actually, Nelson's play wouldn't allow it to take long.

Though he wouldn’t start until the Georgia game, hesoon made his presence known to all the SEC. Nelson’s decapitation of Mohammed Massaquoi (right at 2:10) ranks as one of the more vicious hits of the entire 2006 college football season. Nelson ended up second on the team in sacks and tackles for loss. So exceptional is Nelson’s talent, that he was actually starting at corner for UF early in the fall before the emergence of Ryan Smith. Nelson will be all over the field this year for the Gators, starting at safety, lining up in the slot in nickel situations and even returning punts. It’s my expectation that Reggie f’n Nelson (as posters on Gator message boards have taken to calling him) will become one of the SEC’s (if not the nations) biggest stars this year.

If that comes to fruition and the linebackers and corners can avoid major injuries then a Gator defense which ranked in the nations’ top 10 last year may end up as the nation’s very best by year’s end.

The season kicks off at 6 pm tomorrow night in the Swamp vs. Southern Miss. I'm not sure if I can make it that long.